Is this boy odd? Am I worrying over nothing.

[twinsetandpearls]

Firstly I don;t want this to be a thread about should I let my kids play out, because I had that debate last week

My dd who will be 5 next week and is quite grown up in her ways has a little circle of friends that she plays wth a girl aged 11, a boy aged 5, a boy aged 6 and a boy aged 7. The play togther all day and pop in and out of each others houses and play on the street between our houses.

Two new boys have joined the group who come from the next road down, they are bith 9. Some of the parents can e a bit funny about these boys as the road they come from isn't considered a particularly nice road. The two boys were a bit cheeky too me once and we had a disagreemnent about playing forrtball on the street but they came back and apologised. Having no time for snobbery especially when it came to children I have welcomed the boys into our home, chatted to them and tried to make them feel welcome.

DD's other friends are now on holiday but for the past two days one of the older boys is still calling for dd. He is always very polite and understands that dd is little so can't go as far as him and can't go to his house because it is not on our road. But if I am being honest I am a little puzzled by what a nine year boy would wnat to play on his own with a little girl who is a real girly girl and that is a reason , as well as the distance from home, that I will not allow her to go to his house.

Yesterday they spent half an hour listening to the Disney Princess album and looking at her new clothes . I have solved part of the riddle when dd asked him if he would like to go on the computer and after an hour playing Barbie and Bratz games he asked to play one of dp arcade games.

But today he called for her again and helped bake a cake, rode on his bike with dd so there must be more to it than computer games - or is he just hanging on in there in the hope of some arcade action.

Dp who is very over protective is a little concerned and has told me to discourage the boy, but I like him and am aware that he is not welcome in other houses on the street. He also seems to love being here, I get the impression that his own home is not as relaxed as this one and that dad isn;t at home so he likes to chat to dp. I also think that he perhaps isn't as bright or streetwise as other lads his own age so ma find playing with younger children ,like my dd who thinks he is the cooolest thing ever easier.

maybe he just the relax atmosphere in your home. you say your dd is quite grown up, so maybe they just get on well.

if he is being supervised, and seems nice, why discourage their friendship? is he at the younger age bracket of 9, and is she in the older part (schoolwise, you know)

He sounds quite sweet.
Does your DD like him?
As long as you keep control and he visits on your terms then I can't see a big problem.
But my DD is only 2.5 so I have no direct experience of this sort of issue!

He sounds lonely and maybe not getting attention at home (is there someone at home with him all day?) You obviously have a nice welcoming home.

He is probably a bit immature and unpopular with boys his own age and/or his mates are on holiday.

If you are around when he is there with dd then i think cross age friends are good.

This is exactly how I feel, but my mum was round yesterday when the was in dd room with her listenign to music and she kept going on about how odd it was and how Ishouldn't let him be in a rom on his won with her.

Then dp started saying that he didn;t like the boy because he was using dd to get to play on the computer. I think the computer is the main attraction but I don't think it really matters as he is happy and dd is happy. And if he is that desperate to play on a computer he will put with up with dd and her Bratz and Barbie obsession I say he deserves to go on the computer.

I let them play in her room but i have the door open and tend to find things to do in the hallway! The fact that I am insisting on the door being open and hanging around suggests that as much as I might like the boy I am not 100% relaxed about it- and that is what is bothering me.

His mum is at work all day or out anyway and he is looked after by grandma, he has a baby sister as well. Maybe he just find being in with grandma and a baby a bit dull for the whole summer holidays.

RowlersX Dd thinks that he is the coolest boy ever. She glows when he walks in - it is very sweet.

Hmm, do you think the 11-year-old girl who hangs out only with much smaller ones (mostly boys) is odd, too?

I'd trust my instincts - if you think you should keep an eye/ear on them, then do. But it sounds like he's being nice to her, and they're having fun.

I think if you can supervise their time together discreetly and he is not a bother, then let it continue.
It is quite possible that he is fine with the company of boys his age at school and in other social settings, but just enjoying the different (and nice-sounding) vibe at your place.
MOST boys I know would be incapable of holding their tongues about access to the arcade game for more than about ten seconds, so I can't believe it is just the PC that is attracting him. And I'd say he's got to be quite a sweet kid if he is prepared to look at her new wardrobe with her and play Bratz games on the PC
I agree with Zippi, cross-age playing with trusted other children is good to encourage and I suspect you are also doing him a lot of good.

Agree with others nothing wrong with it as long as he is not too bothersome ie calling early in the morning, not taking no for an answer if you are going out etc.

NotQuiteCockney dp and I do think it is a girl aged 11 would want to play with our dd. But theer are no girls on our road of our age, she also loves our dog as she used to ahve a springer and now has a cocker spaniel - we have a springer.

Her house is also quite tense as her parents are very strict and she had a brother that passed away and she is the last child at home. She also likes to do art abd craty stuff that her parents don;t let her do but we are always doing. She is also a bit obsessed with me as I am a secondary school teacher at the school she starts next year.

I also think she likes mothering dd a bit, amybe because alhtough her parents are quite strict with her they baby her a lot as she is the last one whereas when she is at our house she is the oldest.

Marina he does seem so sweet, dd because she is little and quite self centred doesn't seem to realise that an 11 year old boy just isn't interested in her new party dress or Bratz doll. Bless him he was even trying to sing along to the Disney Princess CD.

I suppose I just wanted some reassurance that other mothers wouldn't automatically think that there was something odd or sinister going on. Sometimes my parenting is too laid back and I am too trusting of people, but I am glad I seeem to be on the right track this time

From what you say I'd consider him as original in quite a brave way for a boy his age (unafraid to show his softer side and play kindly with small girls), not necessarily odd. Ds at seven can sometimes be disarmingly soppy about dd, likes a blast of my citrussy unisex eau de cologne, and also clearly enjoys a look at some of the ghastly girly cartoons on Toonattik. I think more little boys than is acknowledged like the finer things in life like soft fabrics, sweet smells and dainty stuff, and the lid can be slammed shut on that side of life by strict, panicky or non-comprehending parents.
You sound like the local kid-magnet, how lovely for them if not for you lucky children

And if he has new baby sis do you think he is unconsciously "genning up" on what he can expect when she is older?

Ia m the local kid magnet - dp says I need to start being mean as we are spending a fortune on juice!

give them water! see solved.

My neighbours nephew is like this. At a party recently (adults and children) he was so lovely to my ds who is 3 yo for the entire evening. This boy is almost 11 yo and has a very gentle nature but has been bullied quite a lot at school and just doesn't seem to "fit in" with boys his age. He can hold a conversation with adults and plays with little ones but not his own age. He is an only child and his cousins (my neighbours) have told me he annoys them I think he's a lovely boy but did wonder why he took to my 3 yo out of all the age groups. The next day my ds was asking where his "best friend" was I know his parents are worried about him ss he starts secondary school in September but he seems to be an old head on young shoulders to me.

I have been giving them water as we have run out of juice, but they are still coming!

Why don't you send a note home with him inviting his grandma round for a cuppa or at least giving her your number in case she needs to get hold of him in a hurry (I always worry about that when people talk about kids turning up by themselves). If you're not 100% comfortable it will help to meet his family so you can get a bigger picture.

Got a bigger picture today when we had a chat. he lives with his grandma, his mum is not at work or out , she does not live with them and he has no contact with his parents, not sure why as I felt a bit nosy asking. But now it seems a bit clearer why he might like hanging around a family that perhaps looks like the ideal cereal box family.

Felt much more assured but then I went on my computer to look something up on my history and he had been looking at a website called rate my poo. Not pornograhic but not something I would want dd looking at. But the other day I found in dp history a page of naked women which I found a bit odd as dp just isn't a porn man and we don't keep secrets. Could that also have been this boy - and that does worry me. But then again is that just what boys of his age do if they get chance. I know the boys at school are always trying to find porn on the net, that does not make them disturbed just hormonal.

I had let them go on the internet to look at dd blog and they were playing Barbie and Bratz games but obviously when I left the room they went on to something else.

I am going to talk to the boy tomorrow, I should have supervised them more but he has abused my trust.

Am I right now to be concerned, or should I just talk to him and hope that it was a one of hormonal incident.

Bucketsofdinosaurs I may do that.

Your 4yr old has her own blog!!! That's the funniest thing I ever heard I was going to suggest just not letting them go on the pc, tell them it's broken or something and see if he still comes round (play on it yourself after DD's gone to bed).
The grandma may not be at all grandma-ish and might become a good friend. (PS Yes I think 9yr olds do think about poo and ponder the appeal of naked bodies most of the time!)

You can find out when the naked site was looked at, in the history, to narrow down who it was?

If you are worried about them going on inappropriate sites, you could just disable the net, and claim it's broken? Then he can play video games on the computer, but not go anywhere dodgy.

I have had a word with him and he admitted going on the rate my poo site, not the one with the naked woman but it is quite embaressing to admit to someone else mum that you have looked at such sites so I let it go. I said that things that might not be rude for him were rude for dd and that for now they could not go on the computer but I hoped he would come and visit. He seemed ol with that.

When I say a blog, it is pictures, she then tells me what she has done that day if we ahve done something special and I type it up.