Is this boy odd? Am I worrying over nothing.

[twinsetandpearls]

Firstly I don;t want this to be a thread about should I let my kids play out, because I had that debate last week

My dd who will be 5 next week and is quite grown up in her ways has a little circle of friends that she plays wth a girl aged 11, a boy aged 5, a boy aged 6 and a boy aged 7. The play togther all day and pop in and out of each others houses and play on the street between our houses.

Two new boys have joined the group who come from the next road down, they are bith 9. Some of the parents can e a bit funny about these boys as the road they come from isn't considered a particularly nice road. The two boys were a bit cheeky too me once and we had a disagreemnent about playing forrtball on the street but they came back and apologised. Having no time for snobbery especially when it came to children I have welcomed the boys into our home, chatted to them and tried to make them feel welcome.

DD's other friends are now on holiday but for the past two days one of the older boys is still calling for dd. He is always very polite and understands that dd is little so can't go as far as him and can't go to his house because it is not on our road. But if I am being honest I am a little puzzled by what a nine year boy would wnat to play on his own with a little girl who is a real girly girl and that is a reason , as well as the distance from home, that I will not allow her to go to his house.

Yesterday they spent half an hour listening to the Disney Princess album and looking at her new clothes . I have solved part of the riddle when dd asked him if he would like to go on the computer and after an hour playing Barbie and Bratz games he asked to play one of dp arcade games.

But today he called for her again and helped bake a cake, rode on his bike with dd so there must be more to it than computer games - or is he just hanging on in there in the hope of some arcade action.

Dp who is very over protective is a little concerned and has told me to discourage the boy, but I like him and am aware that he is not welcome in other houses on the street. He also seems to love being here, I get the impression that his own home is not as relaxed as this one and that dad isn;t at home so he likes to chat to dp. I also think that he perhaps isn't as bright or streetwise as other lads his own age so ma find playing with younger children ,like my dd who thinks he is the cooolest thing ever easier.

Dp doesn't think we will see him again, I however am the eternal optimist who sees good in everyone and think that we might!

I hope yuo do too - will you let us know?

I really don't know what to say, in theory I agree with all posts saying how wonderful the kid is and to stop worrying. But a couple of girls that were 7 yrs older than Ds developed the same interest for my baby, I always used to think "how sweet, oh! they like my baby so much" until I realised they have been French kissing my one year old . So, natural curiosity or whatever, there's no way I could openly trust a somewhat "excesive" interest on a much younger child.

There is a similar situation on our street. Our neighbors grandsons are 3 and 5. Two girls who have moved here recently are now constant playmates with the boys. The girls are 7 and 9 and it's interesting that one doesn't worry so much when the situation is reversed. btw, the girls do not have a very good home life and so the general opinion is that they prefer to play anywhere but their own home. They also do quite well with the little boys.

Hi twinsetandpearls - I'm the eternal optimist like you and it does sound like the boy is just a bit lonely. If you want to check out whether it was actually him looking at the sites you can go to tools>Internet options> then in the temporary internet files click settings, then view files. You'll be able to see what time the site was accessed and also whether it was for a long time - it might have been a pop up in which case it'll only have been for less than a minute.

Chandra I would like to think that is exceesively odd though. But yes it is hard to judge when curiosity stops becoming an innocent and harmless part of growing up and becomes something else.

liquidclocks I didn't realsie I could do that - will check. I have had a chat with dd and she said they looked at poo but she throught it was digusting and silly and he looked at lots of football stuff.

Aw, if you can get the inappropriate computer stuff sorted, I'd let him be friends (although I'd supervise). Different but related, when ds goes to the park, he often ends up playing with one or two big boys (six or eight) instead of his fellow three-year olds. I keep a very close eye on it, given how little ds is, but tbh the older ones are much better-behaved - presumably because they've developed all sorts of social skills. So I think cross-age play is normal.

Have been to the internet options and viewed files but can't see far back enough as the file was viewed last week.

I agree, supervising is fine. Obviously, I was not supervising enough (nor did my the mother of the girls that was babysitting for us). But I agree and very much hope it doesn't happen too often.

" dp just isn't a porn man"

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Odd that it's in the history but not he temp files but given that you can't 'prove' it was him (sorry but with the amount of threads on here about usually trustworthy DH's with no porn interest suddenly being found out I'm a cynic) I'd go with edam and say supervise when online but apart from that not to worry too much. I had older male friends when I grew up because they were the only other kids in my street - purely circumstantial. Whole other thread but personally I wouldn't leave kids alone on the internet anyway - they're too silly, nothing sinister, but they could easily end up looking a stuff you wouldn't want them to be exposed to.

I wouldn't personally leave a 9 year old unsupervised on the internet, especially not if a 5 year old was also present, but other than that it all sounds fine to me. Yes I do think it is normal for 9 year old boys to want to look at porn on the net - out of curiosity more than any great burgeoning sexual desire. I would either move the pc to a public room such as the living room when he visits, or password it so he can't access the www.

I think this friendship sounds positive for both of them, and agree with zippi that cross age friendships generally are A Good Thing. It's only this daft school system with its strict segregation by age, that makes us think children only want to be with others of their own age and gender. They don't, not always.

I don't want to say to much but i would keep an eye these tihngs can get out of hand, i know a little boy who was 5 & was hanging out with 11 yr old boys & in the end he was abused, please keep an eye on them, thats all i would say.

I am sure he is a lovely boy but i think its a mothers instinct to watch over our babies, it sounds like your doing a good job already

Well it wasn't the lad who accessed the picture of the naked woman as it was taken at 20:52 on Monday, so I need to have a word with dp. liquidclocks I can see what time the site was accessed but not for how long - how do I do that?

FrannyandZooey the computer is in my study so isn't in dd room or somewhere private but I take on board what you have said. You are right about not letting a ine year old boy having access to a computer on his own, I did only leave them for a few seconds but I know from teaching ICT ( when I constantly monitor and censor what the kids can see) at school that boys (and girls for that matter) can find all sorts- or at least attempt to- in that time. I suppose this is what happens when I am used to having my dd who can't type into google and is unaware of what the internet is. I will need to be much more aware. Dp has got down his old playstation from the loft so that if the boy wants to play games he can without having access to the internet which will be better.

Scoobydooooo I do hear what you are saying, and when your natual maternal protective drives kick in we do worry.

But I can also see a boy who obviously enjoys being with our family and the more I find out about him the more I understand his behaviour and feel that it is the right thing to do to welcome him without judgement especially when he is being judged elsewhere.

But off course I woudl never put dd at risk.

Oh don't get me wrong i think it is fantastic that your are letting this little boy into your home & welcoming him, he probably finds your house, fun & safe & a place he can just relax which is great, all i was saying is just keep watch (which i am sure you are doing) because these things do happen.

Now go & sort your dp out & tell him to stop looking at naked women naughty man he is

lol at twinny

oops - opened a can of worms now haven't I?

The temp internet files logs images on a page and links etc but I'm not an expert - just match the website with the time indexes and if the times associated with it last more than a minute it was unlikely to be a pop up.

Pleased it wasn't the young lad though for your DD's sake.

Yes it would seem 37 year old boys ahve urges to look at naked ladies as well! I reckon I might get new shoes and a matching bag out of this!

lol at your honesty

Scoobydooooo thanks, I know where you are coming from and I have had the same thoughts or I wouldn't be on here asking what you thought of this boy. Now going to discipline my big boy!

ocd on Friday, 11 August, 2006 6:47:41 PM" dp just isn't a porn man"

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I only said that beacause porn just isn't something that bothers me at all, infact I quite enjoy watching an attractive buxom lass of a friday night with a glass of chardonnay. I have talked about this with dp and he just seemed so disinterested - but it was obvious shyness. he is quite a stiff upper lip no sex please we're english kind of man - but then again so were lots of the tory party. Maybe there is a man of wild passions and pervesions lurking under that serious reserved exterior!

You can only hope!

lol I doubt it, he is now sat in the bedroom watching star trek a deep shade of beetroot and saying he has a headache!