Inspired by the other threads - whats the most embarrassing / funniest / shocking thing thats ever happened to you during sex?

[TambaIsBadBadBad]

Done before but worth a re-run

Posted this on another thread....

Not sure how many 9 inch ones ive seen (but will dig out the tape measure in future) although did see the smallest one ever when I was younger. I just sort of stared - sometimes you cant help it! And he said "It gets bigger, I promise" I didnt wait around to find out (poor bloke) Saw him again years later when he delievered the census forms one year. And all I could think was "hello tiddler"

I hope i didnt traunmatise him or anything.

Over to you....

he was really sweet, he let me stop for ten minutes and finish his can of Special brew so i could get rid of the taste before we carried on, he was really romantic in that way, it's a shame he never rang me

i've done the car thing with a guy and a torch knocking on window
best one was where we used to live, (lived next to an old couple) i was 9 mths pg and still having sex b4 children i was louder so this night i let it all out we had a great session. next morning we were getting into car and she ran out shouting are you all right love,
i thought you had gone into labour last night.
couldnt get away fast enought

Imagine the scene......Our wedding night,......A beautiful honeymoon suite in Las Vegas (classy!!!)......Newlyweds Getting Jiggy......IN WALKS A HOTEL PORTER?????????? No knock on the door, nothing! I'm not sure who was more embarrassed, us or him, but we never did get an explanation as to why he walked into our room unannounced

You ladies are filthy. I'm going to complain.

I was going to tell you mine but not half as funny as everbody on here - FF and childslave. PCSL

Even I had to laugh when he said it . LOL

I fell asleep! My ex-bf. I had had quite a bit to drink though! He wasn't very empressed though - but I guess he should've made more effort !

ooops impressed1

can't type today should be 'impressed!'

Going for it very hot & heavy on a houseboat in Norfolk - real porno style. When we had come (pardon the pun) to the usual conclusion, we looked round to see the guy who emptied the chemical loos outside the window watching us...looking rather...erm....pleased

I held a dinner party and we (four couples) were talking about the most bizarre places and we were all going for a prize on who had done it in the most bizarre or shocking places. Anyway after several light hearted arguments and many bottles later one couple said they were off as they were tired. Half an hour later I got my car keys through my door with a note saying - "we beat you, and by the way you need to get your suspension checked".

Some very old friends were round for supper one evening not long ago "M" had brought his new ish girl over.... the talk turned "racy" and we were doing the old friends do you remember conversations which became me saying to "T" who was that bloke you were getting "jiggy" with at college who called out " mamma, mamma, mamma at the crucial moment ... God what a twat etc etc"... to see her turn bright red look at M whose new girl is staring at him .... the penny dropped (eventually!!)

Some very old friends were round for supper one evening not long ago "M" had brought his new ish girl over.... the talk turned "racy" and we were doing the old friends do you remember conversations which became me saying to "T" who was that bloke you were getting "jiggy" with at college who called out " mamma, mamma, mamma at the crucial moment ... God what a twat etc etc"... to see her turn bright red look at M whose new girl is staring at him .... the penny dropped (eventually!!)

OOh sorry - double post ... it only happened once !!

When I first slept with my DH I had not sex for a few months and afterwards I did two enormous fanny farts , have never spoken about it since and we have been together 6 years

DW and I at a work's party. Not long been seeing each other, had a few drinks and decided it would be fun to go outside. Got very heated and did it against a wall. When finished, looked at each other very smugly, then looked up and saw a CCTV camera pointing directly at us, only about 5 feet away.

We keep expecting to appear on one of those late night "caught on the job" programmes.

erm i was bonking away and was just about to reach that wonderful place in my head u know the place i mean?and i was shouting cos the house was empty and i was enjoying a climax and saying oh my god i f ing coming and my sister and her boyfriend walked in the house and shouted up the stairs.have one for me will you!!!!!!!!!oh my god.avoided them for days!!!my sis that is not orgasms.....he heh

Which one? >

Got caught at it in the Quantock Hills- when I was seven months pg! (with DH I should add....)

Got very drunk with a new chap (who is now DH) went home his hand skips down there and pulls out a panty liner

Friends set up a deck chair outside as apaprently, our curtains then were transparent in the sun......

Didn't realise an (EX!!) had a mate stashed at the back of a tent....

should have changed my name shouldn't I?

Doing it to loud music with my BF (now DH) and the James Bond theme coming on and a very-close-to-crucial moment.

Dum de-de dum dum, da da da
Dum de-de dum dum, da da da DA DA! DA DA DAAAAA!

MIL walked in on DH and I and asked us if we wanted to go to church.

Did you reply "tell the vicar we'll be down in a bit"?

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Tending your ladygarden? I hope he didn't use secaturs.

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Fear not, I know exactly what you meant. Your description gave me visions of the Ground Force team drawing a picture and then winching in tons of gravel.