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I shall miss you, I shall kiss you, but I think it's time to go...well, actually only for two weeks but do you think PLEASE Mumsnet could be a bit less damn sanctimonious a place on my return?

283 replies

motherinferior · 31/07/2006 17:52

And PLEASE don't tell me (a) you don't know what I'm on about (b) I'm taking it all too seriously (c)nobody can make me feel bad, it's all my fault.

Look, I came to MN and stayed here and loved it here precisely because it was full of funny, articulate, fallible parents who supported each other and genially accepted that perfection was both unattainable and probably undesirable. Yes, of course there were heated subjects: epidurals, Caesarians, Certain Childcare Practitioners Who Shall Not Be Named, controlled crying, work outside the home, breastfeeding...yep, you name it. But you could also post cheerily on a thread lamenting your own hopelessness, and in fact compete to see who was more hopeless - along with the invaluable support for different birth choices and feeding choices and educational choices and so on.

I feel - and I know I'm not alone, because several people have posted to that effect - that there's now a strong flavour of Perfection Being The Best Option. I simply can't. I am judgemental, of course I am, but I'm not prepared to say that anyone who feeds their child a fruit shoot or leaves them an extra half hour at after school club or puts a bit of pasta in a jar (that'll be me, then) is failing the test.

MN continues to be an enormous source of support for many of us. I'd hate to leave permanently. But I can't, and I won't, measure up to those standards of perfection. And if those are the rules I just don't want to play.

OP posts:
MrsJohnCusack · 31/07/2006 19:25

oh I didn't think I was bitching or on a bitchy thread I really try not to do that on here, I don't know if I succeed all the time though.

I just want to take my mind of my nausea and have a laugh at the moment really, and this thread was stirring particularly, or vague and threatening, although I agree others do. But maybe I am being too naive

SminkoPinko · 31/07/2006 19:25

Affable is a lovely way to be described, fullmoonfiend.

MrsJohnCusack · 31/07/2006 19:26

should have said, and DIDN'T THINK this thread was stirring

VeniVidiVickiQV · 31/07/2006 19:26

parp

FrannyandZooey · 31/07/2006 19:31

Well if you start a thread saying you don't like Certain Posters who post Certain Things in Certain Ways, and then other people go on to give a few examples of what they think you mean, and everyone is fairly backslapping and cordial to one another about their shared dislike for these Certain Types of Posters, then yes, I think it is bitchy, veiled, stirring and unpleasant. If you have a gripe, say it out loud to the person you have the gripe with. Otherwise just put up with it or have your moan behind closed doors.

WelshBoris · 31/07/2006 19:31

MOONDOG HAS LEFT?????????????????????????????????

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WelshBoris · 31/07/2006 19:31

Yeah I agree with Franny if you want a bitch get on MSN

arf

FrannyandZooey · 31/07/2006 19:33

Just wanted to add, I like the melting pot of MN. I would not want to post on a site where everyone shared my lifestyles and my opinions (if I did I would start SmugLentilWeaver.com). I don't always agree with or like everyone on here all the time but I wouldn't have it any other way. Why are people trying to censor other posters who don't share the same beliefs and values as them? It's a big site, there's room for us all.

fullmoonfiend · 31/07/2006 19:34

Oh lordy, F&Z - you are a wonderful wise, humorous poster but I have to say, I don't think this thread is bitchy! MI has expressed her concerns about a prevailing air of perfection, smugness, judgementalness (oh feck, is that even a word?), nastiness and snideness taking over.
Most of us are just trying to be fluffy on here, wishing MI a good holiday and expressing regret that people sometimes feel they can't stay on MN.
How is this bitchy? (I'm not being bitchy, by the way - I just worry that I've missed something, as I have a tendancy to take things at face value. Bit naive me. Not a deep thinker, see..)

FrannyandZooey · 31/07/2006 19:36

I think it is a thinly veiled pop at certain posters. I could be wrong. But my point is that this sort of vague complaint makes people feel paranoid, and I think I just proved my own point there quite neatly.

MrsJohnCusack · 31/07/2006 19:36

I don't like those kinds of threads either F&Z, I really didn't realise that this was one (if indeed it is) - was honestly just trying to look on the funny side and say that I prefer to be self-deprecating. Again, I think I have been naive and I probably miss most of the nuances to do with this kind of stuff on MN and I haven't been online over the weekend either.

am actually quite upset at maybe being included as one of the backslappers and bitchers but then I'm not really feeling well so I don't think it's an MN thing and am aware I am sounding pathetic & childish now so will comment no more.

I hate being thought of as bitchy, I really do

welshmum · 31/07/2006 19:36

Is it my imagination or have some real old timers had problems with MN recently though....I mean somethinng must be amiss if MI is feeling hacked off....she's kind of cool and sensible.
Anyway have a good time MI and hope things are better when you return

FrannyandZooey · 31/07/2006 19:36

And I forgot to wish MI a good holiday

Tutter · 31/07/2006 19:36

sorry but got to agree that the op came across as a bit holier than thou. so now everyone's trying to figure out who's the 'thou', what they said, etc etc etc. all the muttering gets as bad as the original bitching...

soapbox · 31/07/2006 19:36

F&Z, there is a sweet irony in your telling us how much you dislike any kind of censorship on MN whilst at the same time telling us that this thread is unnecessary

sunchowder · 31/07/2006 19:37

Oh fuck, I miss everything.

Earlybird · 31/07/2006 19:37

MI - agree, agree, agree with the sentiments expressed. I've been around less lately, so have missed most of the awful threads, which I'm glad about. Doesn't make me wish I had been here more.

I have tendencies to think I should be a perfect mum, so am always grateful for the perspective and humour here that remind me very few of us are perfect - and who'd really want to be anyway?

Have a lovely holiday. If memory serves, weren't many of us mumsnetters in some small way responsible for convincing you to book someplace extra special? Enjoy yourself, and come back and tell us all about it!

MrsJohnCusack · 31/07/2006 19:37

shit I DO sound pathetic

please ignore the pukey pregnant lady

surroundedbyboys · 31/07/2006 19:37

hoorah MI well said.

FrannyandZooey · 31/07/2006 19:38

I have not even noticed who has posted what on here, MrsJC, and I have not intended to single anyone out. I have just taken in the general mood of the thread and I felt certain people could be upset by it - I didn't think all of what was being said was in a very nice spirit - but I am sorry if I have upset you.

marthamoo · 31/07/2006 19:39

It's all gone SuzyWong!

(with apologies to whichever genius coined that phrase first )

fullmoonfiend · 31/07/2006 19:39

MrsjohnCusack - may I join you in the naive corner please?
Reading between the lines is giving me a headache! I'm off to SallyStrawberry's cupboard; there's pizza, wine and an adolescent pizza delivery boy to torment

MrsJohnCusack · 31/07/2006 19:39

no you haven't upset me at all F&Z - see now I didn't want anyone apologising to me - I am just a bit confused sometimes by MN and I think I miss loads!

FrannyandZooey · 31/07/2006 19:40

Soapbox

and where is that tongue sticking out emoticon we ordered, Tech? Tech!

SminkoPinko · 31/07/2006 19:41

Yep- it's gone suzy all right, moo. Definitely silly season. Wasn't ginababe about this time of year too?