SEX. those of you who dont like it or dont want it

[Tortington]

do you try and do something about it? - do you think that sex is an important part of a relatioship?

BudaBabe DP said once living with me was like living with his sister.

I'm sure you are normal Charlee, doesn't matter how you are with other people anyway. I just think life and family just get in the way sometimes, it's all about priorities. One day you'll feel more in control of your life, kids will get social lives of their own and there will be more room to concentrate on making yourself feel good (eg having sex). Can't wait til the kids are at secondary school personally

Charlee you should make your DP read this thread! 22 months is nothing, the ungrateful sod! There must be lots of books about this sort of thing, it's really not uncommon.

LOL sometimes i get annoyed and tell him to sod off and have a w**k.

Its funny he was so shy wouldnt even admit to having thought about sex when he met me (he was 16 me 15)

I was his first and after that he's uncontrollable!
Luckily he is very nice about it and only get's a little huffy, i have known couples to split up because of it.

lets cut to the chase here, all this talk of 'pleasing' men and liking cuddles....

orgasms ladies. a life without orgasms. a life half lived?

surely?

Seems like a big factor at first Sophable but maybe not much difference. If you can only get an orgasm NOT through penetrative sex then it might be more kerfuffle and you still end up putting it lower on your getting-through-the-week-list. From speaking to friends and hanging out on parenting sites, my guess is that it's about 50% of women who can actually get one during sex.
I get one every time with DH (and count my blessings) but it can still be really hard to get started in the first place.

ooookaaay. so on this thread sex equates only with penetrative sex? is that right?

hmmmm. i have a rather broader definition.

totally with you on the life without orgasm = half life

Id never had one til i met my current erm.... lover... and now omg i had really been missing out!!!

incidentally among many psychotherapists sexual wellbeing is used as a marker for mental health and wellbeing.

seriously. sex is a huge part of a lived life. totally agree that sex drives wax and wane, but to settle for a life without sexual pleasure?????

to answer the op, no and no. afaiac, the connection between a couple is mental, emotional. sex may be a physical manifestation of that mental connection but imo, it is not vital for sex to occur in order that the connection exists. ffs (pardon the pun!!) what is sex? the shoving of part of his body into part of your body. big deal. it only matters to those people who consider it the thing that gels them together as a couple and creates their intimacy, because of what it represents in their mind/heart and NOT because a wily into a watsit creates love!

i didn't say sex = love but wanted to know whether it was considered an important part of a relationship.

when its a mutual thing and neither of you are for it and are quite happy - then great. but when it isn't for either partner - do you seek further intervention? if not why?

i can go without for weeks i'm no nympho. but it is important to me that i have it. ( my definition penetrative w/ orgasm)

and i really truly dontunderstand people who dont but know their partner does - they dont enjoy it - but don't seek help.

welshboris said on another thread something about wanting to get a loudhailer so that all new mums could hear the benefit of breast feeding she so wanted to tell everyone.

well this is kinda the same for me.

I agree custy - I think it doesnt matter if both partners arent bothered.

If one partner does, and the other doesnt, whatever the reason, there is always going to be some kind of imbalance.

Respect can actually be more of a problem imo - one side is always going to feel hard done by, arent they? Either the one who wants it but "respects" their partners wishes by abstaining, or the one who doesnt want it but "respects" their partners needs and indulges....

I think you have to have a whole lot of love to be able to accommodate such varying sexual needs. It is important, like it or not.

I was beginning to think I was the only one who thought it was important.Phew xx

I agree with expat.

I think sex rocks

noddyholder - appropriate name for this thread

cant believe I said that

Charlee- even though your situation isn't ideal, I was happy to read your posts because I'm in the same situation sex-drive-wise (and it's always a relief to find out that you are not the only one...)
I used to have a high one and now it's an almost non-existent one. I DID go to the doctors (years ago) and they did hormone tests to see if that was the problem, but when the tests came back normal, they ran out of solutions/suggestions.
So since then the situation has stayed like it is: I feel like sex every couple of months, poor DH waits around for me. The thing that makes me saddest is that he's now stopped initiating sex, because he's so sick of being turned down.
Like you, when we do 'get down to it' I enjoy it (and have an orgasm), unlike you, I don't have the problems with other forms of physical intimacy.

No solutions here, but just to say thanks for posting so candidly. It helps to know that I'm not the only one. There was a thread on here a while ago about "how often do you have sex?/what is normal?" and reading it didn't make me feel so great.

sorry havent read through all posts but im like this at minute, the idea mostly repulses me..suffered with pnd now docs say in not pnd anymore but depression which doesnt help, no tabs have helped and had to cancel counselling while kids off school..was out with dp and friends for his birthday other night and as he was getting merrier and wanting to kiss me i was getting osberer and 'pecking' him..i even got in spare bed that night so as not to encourange any middle of night happenings.

an dont you want todo anything about it?

yes, because i know long term it will cause a rift, but dp's drive was never as high as mine used to be.
but at moment i feel like i have too much to do and lots on my mind that bed is for sleeping..DC are sleeping better lately and actually woke up this morn and thought should i wake him 'nicely' but then thought 'NO' and went back to sleep
hes just said to me also that he's not sleeping properly and is also very tired at moment.

In sickness and in health blah blah blah...