SEX. those of you who dont like it or dont want it

[Tortington]

do you try and do something about it? - do you think that sex is an important part of a relatioship?

its difficult isn't it. dh has much bigger sex drive than I do, I could quite happily do it every other week. because I know its important to him and I agree about the intimacy thing, I try and get into it and make the effort even if I could quite happily fall asleep. I don't think there's anything sinister in it I am just knackered most of the time and its not my priority. I think though that the more you do it the more you want it. If you abstein it seems more of an effort.

at the twice a day at weekends after 11 years. just goes to show you!

'This is like the breastfeeding threads when those who couldn't (me) jump in to defend themselves even though they know that breast is best(me too!)Such is Mumsnet '

Why does it always have to be seen as defensive? People are just sharing their experiences.

I mean, don't you have intense bonds and connections with people that don't involve sex? With your kids, for example.

So who's to say that there's 'something missing' for two people who have little or no penetrative sex in their partnership?

Isn't that for them to decide?

How would you feel if those who were involved in relationships like that made a sweeping statement such as that those who 'do it' a lot don't have as close a bond as they have b/c they water down true intimacy w/sex?

It's too subjective a thing to qualify for someone else, IMO and IME.

But I shared my experience and you said it was sad.Also the thread title didn't mention penetration and neither did I

For me, sex is an important part of my relationship, I love to feel so close to the person I love, and I really enjoy pleasing him and making him feel loved and wanted.... but cuddles and affection are more important to me, and I wouldnt be happy in a relationship without it. I do have a high sex drive though and like it 2 or 3 times a day.

i also think people ARE going to jump in and say 'yeah i shag 24/7' far quicker than 'no we never do it'
thats just human nature and mumsnet rflects that

I do think sex is important and do try to do it often as i think SEX breeds sex- the more you want. I have gone through periods of not doing it so much but am happier when we do it often.

No, noddy, you stated, 'I definitely think you can still love the person without sex but is it a full on IN love relationship?I don't think it is '

That's a pretty sweeping statement, IMO.

Not, 'Oh, well, horses for courses, and if you're happy not having as much as others, then who am I to say your relationship is missing something or that you're not as bonded to your significant other.'

Ive only had such a high sex drive since I realised that sex could be amazing. Does that make sense?

Ok and you've never made a sweeping statement on here then.I am entitled to my opinion

and nowhere did I directly state your experience was sad! i said i found your statement sad.

sorry, but i get pretty miffed when people come up here and post things i supposedly wrote that are patently untrue.

of course you are, noddy, but to come up and write that i personally called your situation sad is untrue!

I don't think it is what makes a relationship either but the question was about if it is an important PART and it is but it is not the whole by any means.I am only stating my experience as I have lived with both and we are definitely closer with sex but we aren't at it like rabbits by any means.BTW expat thanks for the alternative to my post I will keep it in mind for when I feel like sitting on the fence

I didn't think you were commenting on my situation btw you were calling my post sad not my life I hope!

of course i wasn't calling your situation sad! one's situation is only sad if he/she feels that way about it.

and that's just like sex, some are happier living with less or indeed none. others are not.

i think it's when you have two people together who are unmatched in their desires that you get problems.

I was also assuming that custy was referring to relationships which start with a healthy sex life which then dwindles but she may not have been.

perhaps so. it seems a common enough scenario.

dh never had a high sex drive. i had a higher one at first, but our relationship was so satisfying in other ways, and i'd gone out w/some real losers in the past.

i realised, it wasn't THAT important to me.

now, after kids, we are pretty matched in our libidos. we're both pretty much every other week varieties.

Awww you girls are easily pleased aint yer! Ive never considered sex mind blowing give me a chocolate bar any day.

well, husband and i must be heading for divorce... i could count on my fingers and toes how many times we've had sex

oh well, husband and i must be heading for divorce... i could count on my fingers and toes how many times we've had sex

am i seeing double??? silly post button

I think it's quality vs quantity. Twice a day could be no fun at all but that once in a bluemoon superlove experience could be well worth the wait.
I'm like Expat in that my sexdrive was always higher than DH's and now with small kids we're evenly matched. We manage it about once a week and I'm really proud of that. I'm not saying other people don't but we work very hard to maintain that because as someone else said, the longer you leave it the harder it can be to break the ice.

I could stock Ann Summers with the amount of sexy undies i own, i used to find it really fun to dress up in them but these days i kind of feel a fool more than anything else, DP wont let me throw them away though!

But seriously it's one of the only things in our relationship that causes problems, i know im not normal i mean i find being intimate and close with anyone even hugging an upset friend/relative ect really physically and emotionally uncomfortable unfortunatly i havent found the answer yet.

Many people ask me if ive ever been abused as it would makes sense if i had but i havent, not sexually anyway i did have one very violent partner but never sexually agressive.

Its funy though because although i dont get the urge to have sex i do have erotic dreams ect, maybe thats my way of letting it all out?

Haven't read all of this thread - just OP. As somone who is in a non-sexual (not by choice) relationship, I would have to say that no sex does detract from the intimacy.

Don't get me wrong - i love my DH but if i could go back a few (many) years I would have done it all differently. We are growing apart gradually and although we try to make an effort, without sex it is a bit hollow.

We could be borhter and sister which is not what I wanted for my life.