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Original poster

Does anyone have more than 3 children and work full-time?

26 replies

Greensleeves · 25/07/2006 13:07

...and if so, how do you manage?

This is NOT a judgement thread or a SAHM/WOHM thing. I am thinking about our future as a family and would be really interested to hear how people with larger families do it. Does having a lot of kids mean you have to be a SAHM permanently, or is the childcare/holidays/housework etc do-able with a full-time job?

OP posts:
notasheep · 25/07/2006 13:13

impossible and i only have 2!

WelshBoris · 25/07/2006 13:13

Are you TTC

Original poster
Greensleeves · 25/07/2006 13:16

No, WB, just thinking into the future - daydreaming really

OP posts:
WelshBoris · 25/07/2006 13:17

Ah

Tell me when you conceive though please, before MN and before Franny

Thanks

foxinsocks · 25/07/2006 13:18

I imagine they probably don't have much time to be on here

I'm not great at remembering people's family dynamics but I think lisalisa has a few and works? I'm pretty sure jura has three aswell and works full time.

flashingnose · 25/07/2006 13:20

OK, here's my 2p's worth.

I have 3 children aged 7, 5 and 3. Although I don't work full-time, I think in some ways it would make things easier e.g. I could go back to the job I was doing pre-children which would command a much better wage and would probably cover a nanny. This would magic away all difficulties re illness, holidays, inset days, different start/finish times, after school activities etc. However, I do realise that nannies can sometimes bring a different set of "issues" to the table .

I have been working part-time school hours only, which sounds great in principle but has caused me no end of stress re the above problems (DH works long hours with an unreliable commute so all childcare falls on me). Plus being part time and not what I did before, the pay's not fantastic. When I worked out that it was going to cost me money to work through the Summer Holidays (activities x 3 kids = a lot of £), I handed in my notice! I'm going to leave it until all three are at full time school and try again then.

But that's me and my family - obviously there are a lot of people on here who manage perfectly well !

joelallie · 25/07/2006 13:33

What flashingnose said! I'm in more or less the same situation with the same number and similar age of children. I do work at home 2 days a week which eases things a bit. Full-time with a full-time salary would oil the wheels nicely but wouldn't really want to do it.

I know someone who works full-time with kids - but she's at home running her own business which makes it easier and harder I think.

KathyMCMLXXII · 25/07/2006 13:45

My mum went back to work (teaching) when we were 9,8 and 5. My older brother was at boarding school so it was just me and younger bro at home. We were latchkey children for 2 hours before she got home in the evening (she had a 1 hour+ commute) and we had a cleaner who came in the mornings who also got us ready for school. (My dad was supposed to do this at first but he didn't and we kept getting told off for arriving at school with hair not brushed etc!)

One of the profs at my work (lovely supportive woman) has 3 children (grown-up now) and went back to work full-time when they were all under 5. She had the big commute so her husband (also an academic) did the childcare.

I have always wanted 3+ (I'm pg with second) but we'll see how we get on with 2 and if it's impossible, it's impossible. May not be able to afford a nanny, but once they're all at school maybe an au pair to do the getting ready in the mornings.... We're academics so mostly quite flexible time-wise.

Bugsy2 · 25/07/2006 13:52

I know a couple of mums at my DS's school who have 3 & in once case 4 children & they work full-time!
Really don't know how they do it. All seem to have lovely children too. Must be doing something right.

blueshoes · 25/07/2006 14:04

Nanny or SAHD or very supportive grandparents/extended family.

FairyMum · 25/07/2006 14:05

I have 3 children (7,4.5 and 2) and work fulltime. First of all you need to earn enough money to pay for good quality childcare, it's hugely expensive with small children. Both me and DH are in flexible jobs and we share the childcare between us. DH does mornings and I do the pickups. We have no family around to help, but some really close friends in our street with children similar age and we cover emergencies and childcare in the hols. We also have a cleaner. Works for us and my parents worked fulltime with 5 kids

Original poster
Greensleeves · 25/07/2006 14:54

If you don't mind my asking Fairymum, how do you do the pick-ups if you work full-time? Do they go to afterschool clubs?

I reiterate, this is NOT in any way a judgemental thread, I really want to know how other families fit everything in. I'm a SAHM with two toddlers atm, and am just thinking about our future options.

OP posts:
Original poster
Greensleeves · 25/07/2006 15:37

bumping in case anyone else has a perspective to offer

OP posts:
Pierre · 25/07/2006 15:44

I worked full time with 3+. Is easier in a way that part time as no one takes you seriously in either role when doing half/half. Enough money for good childcare and to enjoy time with kids when you are with them is part of the answer. Really good back up systems and being organised helped.

Am now sahm and dont miss the juggling at all....

FairyMum · 25/07/2006 15:47

I pick-up on my way from work. Pick up 2 youngest from nursery and then DD at her after-school club on my way from work. We are normally all home around 5ish. I start work between 6 and 7 am so get up quite early. DH starts work around 10 so he can hand the kids in quite late. Works fine because they dont get such long days.

Original poster
Greensleeves · 25/07/2006 19:52

Thanks FM. It sounds exhausting

Thanks everyone else who posted too, it's very interesting to see how other people manage children and work. I haven't made any decisions yet but I am mulling over how to approach the next few years - probably something to do with the fact that ds2 has moved from cot to bed this week, so I now have NO official 'baby' in the house

OP posts:
SecurMummy · 25/07/2006 20:01

I did this for a while with 4, my then H worked full time too - and TBH it is not good

IME it was constant rushing around and very very stressful. I ended up in quite a bad way due to trying to be "all things to all people". I felt that my children were losing out and so was I.

With regard housework, H insited that he could only keep the kitchen clean - as he worked full time, so I was left with the rest of the house and the major child care, along twith runnung around to clubs, playdates etc. All of it had to fit into 2 hrs each night after work and before the first bedtime and 2 weekend days.

I would not go back there now even if money forced my hand - I have decided I rather live without spare money at all (see my cheap holiday thread!) than live through it again.

Sorry if that is not whatyou want to hear, it is however an honest outline of my experience.

Having said that - I relate fully to your no baby thing - dd3 has just moved into a bed and it is awful However, I wuld take the have kids, time but no money approach if it were me!

KathyMCMLXXII · 26/07/2006 09:52

Did you not have any paid help with the housework, Securmummy? I take my hat off to anyone who manages to work full time with several children without that.

SecurMummy · 26/07/2006 10:02

Nope, no paid help with anything sadly - the garden looked like a jungle

KathyMCMLXXII · 26/07/2006 10:09

Hmm, so does mine - my problem is I like planting things but can't work up any enthusiasm for weeding....

FullOfTestosterone · 26/07/2006 10:10

Greensleeves DH and I work full time in somewhat flexible work. We have a 3.5 and 1.2 DCs. We manage to pay the bill for a good nursert, but.... ii is still incredibly stresful!
When we only had 1, we did as FM. That worked OK, bit I constantly felt bed that I only saw the baby, a few hours a day. With two, we are just working much less hours than we should..... Hopefully when the youngest is more than two we can try the staggering hours again!
Maybe if we had cleaners or family around to help we would be a bit more sane....

there is no way I could ever handle a third one!
But I am full of testosterone... perhaps someone with more of a magical (fayrish...) persona would juggle better

FullOfTestosterone · 26/07/2006 15:36

SecurMummy - Are you happy with the changes??
Sorry for being nosy... it is just that sometimes I wonder whether all would be bliss if I just try to do one thing right, IYSWIM....

katierocket · 26/07/2006 15:37

If I had 3 or more I think i would want to work full time for some escape!

flutterbee · 26/07/2006 15:49

My Mum worked for about a year when she had 7 children to look after, well only 6 at home so not so bad, but she gave the job up because it was just making her really really unhappy.

expatinscotland · 26/07/2006 15:53

'If I had 3 or more I think i would want to work full time for some escape! '

Yeah, like as a travel writer so I was never there.