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Original poster

Ignore me please, I just have to rant a bit or I will go insane right now

47 replies

Rhubarb · 06/07/2006 10:23

I'm finding it difficult, very difficult. It just hit me this morning. I hadn't even got out of bed and dh was saying "we have to get rid of the table today, and the oven can go, the kitchen cupboard, blah blah blah." and I just lost it. I know we can live without these things for now, but I just needed 5 mins to get my head round it.
I hate it, dd's friend keeps asking why we are going back, why we can't stay, why dd won't be starting County Primary with him in Sept and I can't answer him! I said goodbye yesterday to one of her friend's mums, I might not see her again and she's been so good, took dd horse riding as a birthday present yesterday and had her over all day. I don't want to say goodbye, I know it has to be done. I'm not sure I can cope with everything. Going to England, living at the farm with dh's parents, starting a new job on dd's birthday, possibly having to stay in a B&B in Carlisle so might not even see her on her birthday, getting used to driving in England, everything is such a rush rush rush. It can't be helped, but I'm not coping very well right now. I have to sort out furniture today, what goes and what stays. I have to throw more things out, we don't have room for them. I don't want to get rid of any of the kids things, it's heartbreaking. I just can't do this.

OP posts:
WorshipAtTheFeetOfCod · 06/07/2006 10:24

It will be worth it Rhuby. Keep strong.

ILoveYouMoonDog · 06/07/2006 10:26

Kids bounce back

in a few months you will be settled in your new job, the kids will be happy and you will be in your new home

just grit your teeth and bear it, this was bound to be an uphevel for everyone but it will be worth it x x

LiliLaTigresse · 06/07/2006 10:27

oh Rhubarb.....
it must be very hard at the moment and stressful
but you know it's a bad time you need to get through and then in england things will get better and you will get somewhere to live as a family and you will go back to france and visit friends and it will feel very comfortable
you will be OK

ggglimpopo · 06/07/2006 10:27

Message withdrawn

ks · 06/07/2006 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

meowmix · 06/07/2006 10:52

hey Rhuby sorry you're feeling low. Like Cod says it will be worth it in the end but I totally understand how disorientating it is at the mo. Try to focus on the good ahead - great new job that you can really feel proud of, new friends to make, new routines to establish...

You're doing so so well. Hang on to that.

Blackduck · 06/07/2006 11:00

Rhuby take it one day and one task at a time - know it is trite, but worrying about starting work and all that just adds to the pressure. Focus on what has to be done here and now, don't forget moving is one of the most stressful things you can do.....and keep coming on here to rant...

Original poster
Rhubarb · 06/07/2006 11:48

sorry ggg, couldn't do it, had to bake cake for dd at school, wanted them both in school/creché today. Will call you later on.

dh is running around filling up bags and boxes and leaving them in the middle of the floor and I just can't keep up. I see things like the address for ds's little friend and I crack up. I'm no use to anyone today. I can't think I can't function I don't want to do this and dh is saying we're going to have a tough few months, this is just the start AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT! He wants to take the pc desk away, pack up the pc, I need the pc but i know I know I know we have to pack stuff up and I'm just clinging here, hanging onto stuff and I don't know why. Normally I'm the organised one but this is just too much and I can't beear to take theh kids away, everything we worked so hard for. I know it's for the best, but emotionally I'm not coping very well.

Just a listening ear. Thanks for being that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rhubarb · 06/07/2006 12:07

dh brought her report home from school this morning with all her work, her report was great, said she was ready for CP in Sept. They have been so happy here, her and her little friend want to get married, they are inseparable and I fear that I am damaging both of them by separating them. It will never be the same. I would understand if his parents hated us for doing this to him too. ds had a little friend at creché, a little black boy and it was lovely to see them together as ds is so white with blond curly hair and this little boy is so black with a big fluffy afro! They got on so well. dd has so many friends here and you say you will keep in touch but you know that will be impossible. I don't want to be around when she says goodbye, I don't want to pick her up from school after her last day, I've done nothing but bloody cry and cry and cry today. I'm shit!

OP posts:
Marina · 06/07/2006 12:37

  1. the end of the school year/inevitable parting of the ways always heightens emotions whatever your circumstances

  2. you have a quadruple helping because you don't want to move and leave France and my heart is breaking for you too Rhubarb

  3. Packing up to move is always rubbish

  4. Children are resilient, we all know that. I do feel for your dd though. Ds was heartbroken when his best friends in Reception moved to Moscow...but he has got over it.

  5. Rant away. I think you are being brilliant about this too. You don't want to come back but you've still gone and got yourself a good job.

Nanou1 · 06/07/2006 12:54

aaaallllleeeez rhubarb!!!! resaisis toi! c'est toujours difficile; j'oses pas imaginer... mais...
all will be well. just remember the reasons why you are coming to the uk. then you will remember why you got your friends here to help you out when you needed it. you are not on your own... you'll get through this! can't say much more as i don't know your story but thinking of you. en t'envoyant un gros calin de londres

Original poster
Rhubarb · 06/07/2006 13:08

I'm ok I just need to let all this stuff out. I'm dreading not having the pc and not being to get online, isn't that sad? But we're going back to the UK to HIS parents, my relations with half of my family have broken down so to me the UK is just littered with bad memories and events and I don't have the ties there that dh does. Even friends there (apart from 1) have let us down badly and I'm kidding myself if I think that his parents would offer me support over their son, I'm sure they only put up with me because of him.
So much has happened in the last few weeks and today is the first day I've had to come to terms with the finality of it all. I've had to face up to questions from dd's little friend, I've already said goodbye to 2 people, dd is having nightmares and being generally unsettled and I'm a mess. I don't want to be rude to anyone, but I don't want to say goodbye to anyone, I couldn't bear it.
I can rant on here, I can't do this in rl, dh doesn't cope well with emotional outbursts and I don't know anyone else well enough to break down in front of them. Custy knows I never cry in front of anyone. So to be with people right now and trying to hold things together is tough, I want to be unsociable now and hide. This is my one outlet and this will go soon. When I'm in the UK, living with his parents I'll have no-one and I'm frightened.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rhubarb · 06/07/2006 13:09

I shouldn't have put that. I'm Northern, I'm not frightened! Pretend I didn't say that ok? Here I am opening up to people I've never met but one day I might meet some of you and then I'll be as embarrassed as fuck! So I didn't say that ok?

OP posts:
ggglimpopo · 06/07/2006 13:09

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Rhubarb · 06/07/2006 13:14

no, please don't. My head is not right, I can't think about doing more bargaining. I'm taking a break for a bit.

OP posts:
Nanou1 · 06/07/2006 13:20

eh Rhubarb. WE, as your MN friends are NOT going to let you down ok?!. i know it's not the same but nevertheless.... we will be your friends and listen and support you. are you sure re his parents? do you have to live in the same place? how old are your kids? are you scared to starting all over again? why do you come for that job interview if you were so happy in la belle france? have to get some lunch now but if you want to give me your tel number we could talk? annelj at hotmail dot co dot uk. hugs from london xxx

Original poster
Rhubarb · 06/07/2006 15:22

Thank you Nanou! It's a long story, very long, trust me. My personality has split. I'm ok and I can read posts on here and reply and feel ok and have an MSN with a friend who has lost his job and sympathise. Then dh asks me what present to get for our friends and I lose it and become a gibbering wreck.

I need practical advice so I'll ask on here for that and I'll just try to concentrate on practicalities for now. I used to be so good at switching off. It's not working today.

OP posts:
Nanou1 · 06/07/2006 15:39

eh don't apologise!!! we do love you no matter what best i get on with work now... look after Number 1 ok?!

chatee · 06/07/2006 19:06

hiya Rhuby,
sorry to hear you are feeling a little down-just think in 12 months time(i know iknow you don't even want to think of one months time atm but) i can only say from my experience of moving north to a place where i only knew 1 person other than my dh is that i am so so pleased that i came here.....it's a great life for my children(and i think your ch/n are your big influence too)that you will be fine....
don't forget.....i will do as much or as little as you would like a friend to do..
take care

Original poster
Rhubarb · 06/07/2006 19:20

chatee!

You haven't met me yet though! I might turn out to have 2 heads or something! I feel as though I have - there is an infected lump on my arm that might turn into some sort of limb I suppose. I sometimes think it talks to me.

Oh dear, now you will not contact me again!

OP posts:
JudgeyJudger · 06/07/2006 19:29

oh rhubarb, it must be so difficult for you, as i know you dont really want to leave.

If you need to keep in contact and custy isnt about i'll send you my number to your hotmail account. (Then you'll know who i am )

xxxx (cos i know you love em you woossy)

roisin · 06/07/2006 19:30

Rhuby - sorry to hear you're finding it tough.
On a practicaliites note - you mention a B&B in Carlisle: if you do need one Wedgiesmum recommended one to me at one point - a friend of hers I think. If you need it I'll dig out the details.

Original poster
Rhubarb · 06/07/2006 19:49

Yes please roisin. Think I'll be staying at a B&B for a while and will probably not see dd on her birthday as I'll have to get there Sunday night .

I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this

OP posts:
chatee · 06/07/2006 19:50

what day is your dd's birthday Rhuby??

Original poster
Rhubarb · 06/07/2006 19:55

Monday 24th July, my start date
I can't change it as they wanted me to start on the 17th! I told them this was impossible so they reluctantly agreed to the 24th. I am lucky to have this job I really am and I know I will like it, but the first 2 months or so are gonna be just a teeny bit bloody rough!

I'm having beer.

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