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Original poster

very upset - just need to get it out my system

33 replies

warthog · 01/07/2006 22:37

a complicated story, but the upshot is that an aquaintance that i know through my dh's work has written my dh a very offensive email. she's obviously not quite right in the head and the mail is mostly to do with work but at the end she relates a dream she had in order to describe her state of mind:

she is riding over to our flat with her cat which is nervous and vomitting. she lets the cat in through our window and the cat smothers and kills our dd.

i'm very, very upset about this. the background is very complicated and boring and i know that this woman has lots of problems. but really, to write such an email in a professional capacity and talk about harming someone's child is just not on. i know she won't do anything, i'm not worried about that at all but just need to vent really.

thanks for reading...

OP posts:
Dior · 01/07/2006 22:58

Message withdrawn

Marina · 01/07/2006 23:03

Report her. I had a death threat by e-mail from a student at the college where I worked when I was heavily pregnant with dd (after a stillbirth the previous year). If she is sending abusive e-mails to a colleague she either needs to be put through the disciplinary procedure or given some urgent psychiatric help. How absolutely horrible. I cried for days about mine and nothing was done about it due to shoddy server management (couldn't prove she sent it).

nannyme · 01/07/2006 23:43

My sister and a colleague had this problem with her bosses wife. His wife was sectioned eventually but after my sister had left the job under great stress.

Original poster
warthog · 01/07/2006 23:46

thing is she's a consultant so doesn't actually work for the company. do you think we should report it to the police? this is the first incident and nothing's actually happened. without going into too much detail, she was a very highly paid professional but had a bad accident and suffered brain damage. she's clearly dealing with a lot - loss of income, career and self esteem so she was given work as a rehabilitation. her husband is at his wits end. we're just thinking about how to deal with this...

how awful marina. a death threat when in that situation. and pretty sloppy of your company not to do something about it. it's just so awful to have to deal with esp. when vulnerable.

i'm so freaked out by this.

OP posts:
Dior · 01/07/2006 23:47

Message withdrawn

Original poster
warthog · 01/07/2006 23:49

report it to hr or the police?

OP posts:
moondog · 01/07/2006 23:49

Nutter.
Just keep telling yourself that.
She doesn't know what she is saying.
(I'm surprised your dh told you this tbh.)

Freckle · 01/07/2006 23:50

Poor woman. She clearly has some serious issues here.

If you are not comfortable reporting it to the police, is there someone more senior within dh's company you could contact?

Whatever the reasons for her email, you need to log it officially.

flutterbee · 01/07/2006 23:50

Still report it to the company so they are aware of the consultants that they are using and yes speak to the police tomorrow and just ask for it to be logged, it is very important you do this as no sane person would send such evil e-mails, you can not be sure what the woman will or won't do. I bet you would have never thought she could supposedly dream of killing your lo let alone telling you about it.

Dior · 01/07/2006 23:51

Message withdrawn

Original poster
warthog · 02/07/2006 00:02

thanks for the responses. we will definitely be letting management know and will keep electronic and printed copies of the email. not sure about the police yet, still thinking. there's lots of politics

moondog - we went into his office this afternoon to check some emails. he was so shocked i had a read too. he wouldn't have told me if i wasn't right there to see his reaction, unless i asked him about it (which i wouldn't have known to do iyswim).

you're absolutely right flutterbee - we would never have thought she was capable of those thoughts. she's a mum too...

OP posts:
FairyMum · 02/07/2006 00:05

Sorry, but I would report it to the police (I think). I know I do not know the background here, but I would be freaked out and see it as an indirect threat. It would not have worried me so much if it was about me or DH, but a child

mosschops30 · 02/07/2006 00:06

Message withdrawn

mosschops30 · 02/07/2006 00:07

Message withdrawn

Original poster
warthog · 02/07/2006 00:15

yes. am beginning to think we should too. will also contact lawyer on monday morning.

she has also accused my dh of being responsible for her dh nearly dying, and her divorce (first we've heard of it! and she has 2 kids). i really don't know where's she's coming from. obviously totally unhinged since my dh is a very straight, honest and decent guy. this is out of the blue really. i'm very upset about her accusations against my dh, but we can protect ourselves. our dd is only 4 months old and she met her a couple of weeks ago. just so awful.

i think if the police went to see her she would be destroyed. i don't think she's taking responsibility for her actions at the moment though.

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MadamePlatypus · 02/07/2006 15:54

I don't think I would report to the police unless you think your family are in physical danger. From what you say she is mentally ill. The company need to know that she is too ill to be doing this kind of work, but I don't think she is any more logical than those mad people who shout at you in the street, so there is no point in analysing why she is saying these things. She might as well be accusing your husband of being an alien.

Thinking about it further, I would report to the police if your DH's company/her company don't appear to be taking you seriously - she needs medical treatment and your husband should definitely not be suffering this, but it wouldn't be my first line of action.

NotQuiteCockney · 02/07/2006 16:03

Are you in contact with her husband? I'd talk to him about all this, and see if there's any way you can help ensure she gets the (medical/psychiatric) help she needs. Which will hopefully make her stop sending such scary emails ...

Surfermum · 02/07/2006 17:05

Someone needs to be infomed of this, but I'm not sure the police are the right people. Apart from this being really horrible for you, it also worries me that she might be unwell and caring for children. Do you know anything about her family situation? Is there anyone there you could have a word with? She might already be in contact with a CPN or mental health team who should be informed.

nicnack2 · 02/07/2006 17:31

if the husband is approachable i think i would sp to hime first. she may already have a support network pf professionals that the husband can access

WellKnownMemorablePeachyClair · 02/07/2006 18:10

Ideally, i'd go the family s there may be a CPN. But if that's not possible, i'd go for the police option. They will contact a CPN if there is one, and will hve more abiloity to find out if there is than you. But whatever you do, DON'T let it go unchecked, and fgs don't feel sorry for her- it's help she (and you all) need, not sympathy. That's far more practical and beneficial for all in the long term.

DH suffers from bad ill mental health at times, and I would far rather someone try to get him help than leave me to sort it alone, as i find it overwhelming sometimes.

mykidsmum · 02/07/2006 18:22

brain injury can bring about very extreme changes in peoples behaviour, I really feel sorry for this woman, mainly as she is clearly not receiving the appropriate help. Not sure she would have a cpn as I'm not sure behavioural changes brought on by an injury would be cared for under mental health services. My advice to you in this awful situation is to speak to her husband as it very important that he is aware of these strange behaviours so he can inform her care team, also particulalry extreme changes in behaviour can be indicative of something neurological taking place so she may need to be checked out. Really sorry you are having to go through this.

WellKnownMemorablePeachyClair · 02/07/2006 18:28

mykidsmum, it may vary but when I did my CPN stint (I dropped out of nurse training over a decade ago though!) they did have people with brain injury related personality disorders then.

expatinscotland · 02/07/2006 18:37

i agree about reporting her. maybe it's a sort of cry for help, this email, or those around her are just blind to her illness.

Marina · 02/07/2006 19:04

Those with a responsibility for caring for her (husband, whoever it was who recommended work as rehab plus her presumably ongoing neurological team) need to know that she is doing this, warthog. It is desperately upsetting for you to be on the receiving end of this as a family, but after what you have said about her circumstances I can understand your ambivalence about taking it further. She is clearly not capable of understanding what she has done but to be pitied too. And her poor family as well.
I do hope you can maybe get your dh moved from having to work with her.
The person who threatened me had mental health issues too as it happens. My biggest annoyance was that she was not dealt with by the college with a view to getting some professional help.
If you report this woman you will hopefully being doing that for her. Good luck.

Original poster
warthog · 02/07/2006 20:19

thanks for the replies. unfortunately her dh is also involved with dh's work (that's how she got the work) but he is refusing to talk to dh. i think he's in denial and just not coping, but my dh is going to show him the email. she has had very good care as far as i'm aware but i don't know whether it's ongoing. i think depending on how he reacts will decide whether we take it further.

they are both acting out of character. i wouldn't know how to get hold of her cpn if she has one. i'm worried that if the police get involved it might push her over the edge.

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