Generally feel a bit of a failure - in a sort of low key way

[handlemecarefully]

I feel I'm failing....Generally like to parade a faux bravado on mumsnet that nothing really bothers me - but it does

*I see other mums who are better turned out / better groomed than me (don't seem to find time even to apply fecking body lotion in the morning)

*I'm often late for Pre School even though it doesn't start until half past flaming nine

*The house is broadly clean but pretty untidy and I often can't find swimming goggles, tennis rackets etc when taking either dd or ds to a class

• I have a To Do list with some really important items where I've made absolutely no progress (like filling in my holiday insurance claim - holiday cancelled on 11th May)

• Have lost touch with some friends because I seem unable to keep up and respond to all my emails in a timely way

• I'm late with each and every deadline or commitment I make (not talking work since I am a SAHM)

*the lo's watch 3 hours of tv a day quite frequently

• I haven't a clue what is going on in the world (don't seem to find time to watch / read the news)

Where does the time go? Everybody seems better organised and more productive than me and it's frustrating the hell out of me and making me feel crap.

I don't understand at all - I don't spend ages on mumsnet (well perhaps up to 45 mins per day, but mostly after 20.00 during my 'unwind' time - go on - run a check on my posts today - it isn't many), I don't idly fritter away the day reading magazines, newspapers or tv viewing. I seem to be constantly on the go

Where am I going wrong?

Well if that makes you a failiure (which imo it doesn't) then there are loads of us.

I am awful with all the things you mentioned apart from the getting to school on time, but eveything else is spot on.

Does it make you feel rubbish too sometimes nutcracker?

Oh god yes definatly, I can never work out just why I am so crap at organisation, I know I am getting worse not better though.

I have piles and piles of paperwork lying around, lots of stuff written on the calander but I never check the bloody thing until I realise I have missed something important.

Was rushing around today looking for stuff for Dd2 to wear to her school disco tonight (beach theme), and i've know about it for over a week.

So do you think most mums are like this - or have some got it cracked?

HMC most of the things on your list apply to me too. I get frustrated and overwhelmed at times, but I think it's normal.

My house is like a building site. People have their strong and weak points and when you're a bit down (in a sort of low key way of course ) you tend to concentrate on the failing aspects.

It's very frustrating though isn't it? I tell myself that things will ease up when the kids are older in just a couple of years.

Message withdrawn

HMC am I right in thinking you gave up work fairly recently to be at home? Do you think you're setting yourself unreasonable (indeed, work-like) targets for your new life and then getting frustrated because it doesn't work like that when small children are involved?

Do you have a routine? How does a typical day pan out?

You're not! I reckon there's a whole bunch of women who are thinking I know exactly how that feels, me included.

I think its easy to underestimate how important your role is in your families life, if its anything like mine you are the one who keeps it all going. And its timeconsuming and frankly a lot of its boring and no one ever says well done when you've read the same story for the 30th time by 11.30 am but your children love you for it and aren't bothered whether you have brushed your hair or not. But it's easy to see all the things that you've not done, ironing pile, washing the kitchen floor etc whereas all the mum stuff takes ages but you don't get the satisfaction of ticking it of a to do list if that makes sense?

I find it difficult not to compare myself to other mums, but I'm starting to realise that they are probably putting on a front too and wondering how others do it

Well it is sort of comforting to hear that it's not just me - because truly, I do get the impression that other mums are so much more 'together' than me

I think a few have it cracked but more just make it look like they have most of the time.

It does stress me out a bit sometimes but I just don't think I have it in me to be an organised mum.

I'm guilty of most of that too tbh and seriously doubt we're alone !

Take one thing at a time. I usually get stuff ready for school, swimming or whatever the evening before and put by door - saves time and stress. When the kit is dry it goes straight back in the bag until the next time. Can someone mind the kids for an hour or so at the weekend to enable you to do your emails/admin ?

I know how you feel . Often I feel I'm a hamster on a very fast wheel, and it's as much as I can do to stop tripping up, never mind actually acieving anything !

I'm a sahm too (4 children). I'm very proud of them, but i feel we're living in barely controlled chaos sometimes !

Sometimes it gets me down, and I have a big housekeeping/clearout blitz, but the feeling of orderliness never lasts.

One thing i've started recently is selling unwanted stuff on eBay and Amazon; when the money trickles in I feel pleased to be clearing out some clutter, and chuffed that some money's coming in rather than going out !

Do something similar, it will give you a little boost and make you feel you're achieving something concrete; getting rid of clutter is very cleansing, even better if you can get some money out of it.

Hello, you're not a failure!

*I see other mums who are better turned out / better groomed than me (don't seem to find time even to apply fecking body lotion in the morning)

SO WHAT? I BET THEY HAVE PROBLEMS TOO, THEY'RE JUST DIFFERENT ONES.

*I'm often late for Pre School even though it doesn't start until half past flaming nine
SO WHAT? TIME ENOUGH FOR BEING ON TIME WITH SCHOOL PROPER

*The house is broadly clean but pretty untidy and I often can't find swimming goggles, tennis rackets etc when taking either dd or ds to a class
BRILLIANT, YOU'RE DOING WELL WITH A CLEAN HOUSE IMO. MAKE THEM FIND THEIR STUFF AND AGREE A PLACE FOR IT TO LIVE, MAKE IT THEIR TASK

• I have a To Do list with some really important items where I've made absolutely no progress (like filling in my holiday insurance claim - holiday cancelled on 11th May)
  DO THE IMPORTANT ONES, CANCEL OR DELEGATE THE REST, CAN DH/P DO SOME AT WORK?

• Have lost touch with some friends because I seem unable to keep up and respond to all my emails in a timely way
  BET THEY DON'T MIND AND UNDERSTAND

• I'm late with each and every deadline or commitment I make (not talking work since I am a SAHM)
  SO WHAT?!

*the lo's watch 3 hours of tv a day quite frequently SO WHAT?! SO DO MINE!

• I haven't a clue what is going on in the world (don't seem to find time to watch / read the news) SO WHAT? IT'S NOT THAT INTERESTING OR INSPIRING, I READ ONE PAPER A WEEK, SOMETIMES NOT EVEN THAT BUT IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME.

Where does the time go? Everybody seems better organised and more productive than me and it's frustrating the hell out of me and making me feel crap. THEY'RE NOT, BET YOU!

I don't understand at all - I don't spend ages on mumsnet (well perhaps up to 45 mins per day, but mostly after 20.00 during my 'unwind' time - go on - run a check on my posts today - it isn't many), I don't idly fritter away the day reading magazines, newspapers or tv viewing. I seem to be constantly on the go
LOWER YOUR STANDARDS, PRIORITISE DIFFERENTLY OR GET SOME HELP.

Sorry for caps, hope there's sometihng in there that helps.

Yes, like spidermama, I just keeping thinking 'these are the hardest years' - I mean in terms of being labour intensive. The kids are so dependent for everything and 2 are still pre-schoolers.

I don't have a clue what's going on in the world either - I never read the paper and never see the news (always working at night, don't have it on during the day cos of the kids and anyway, it depresses me and I don't need anything else contributing to my negative state of mind!)

Everyone has nicer houses than me - even the ones that are smaller seem nicer - I'm sure it's not true, my house is pretty nice, but OMG, I went to a friends house for the first time today an it was ENORMOUS! AND immaculate - she's clearly dripping in it. Ah well.

There are always mums better turned out than me, even though I do put make up and half decent clothes - it's a confidence thing.

And that's another thing - everyone thinks I'm uber-organised, confident and have it cracked - they tell me so - but plenty of nights I collapse into a sobbing heap on the bed because I'm so exhausted and so unsure of myself.

Tbh, I feel like a hamster on an infinitely turning wheel - it just goes on, and on, and on, and on.....

OTOH, people close to me, or that I know through work have been going through real hell recently and I really can't complain about my life.

I think all mums feel like this - even the ones that look super confident and together aren't necessarily.

And you know, in my opinion, the fastest route to despair as a sahm with small children is to attach too much importance to the state of the house/you/them!

Blimey this thread moved on while I was waffling!

Only read your fist post & nutcrackers but i could have written that myself, i used to be so organised so on time & had everything done but omg since having a 2nd child i believe i am now struggling, i dont know where the hrs are i just dont seem to have enough...

& yes it makes me feel bloody crap the only thing i manage to do on time is get ds to nusery & thats a rush

I don't know what the answer is ....?

welcome to my world! i embraced my inner slacker long, long ago and am much happier for it.

to paraphrase winston churchill, 'success is the ability to go from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.'

Dior - I'm really sorry to hear that you are feeling a bit low and defeated; but I'm right there with you.

Puddle - I quit work in December; I'm touched that you noticed and remembered. Don't know if I am setting unrealistic goals. Today might have been a typical day:

6.20: walked dog
7.00 - 9.30: breakfast for the two lo's, myself, the dog and the chickens. Cleared up afterwards. Shower and dressed. Some general tidying. Lo's dressed and teeth brushed
9.50 Arrived late for Pre School, dropped off dd!
10.20 Arrived at shops with ds (needed to buy new sandals since dog chewed my others, and also needed birthday present for dh). Lunch at shopping centre
13.00 Picked up dd from Pre School and whisked her over to school where she was having an induction afternoon (she starts reception in Sept) - needless to say arrived at School 10 minutes late
13.30 - 14.20 ds asleep. I was actually quite idle and didn't do much
14.20- read books to ds
14.55 - went to school to pick up dd
15.30 - 19.30 arrived home. Hung out some washing. Did some hoovering. Played with the lo's a bit. Made the tea, did about 20 minutes mumsnetting. Dinner for the dog. Shut chickens away for the night. Unloaded dishwasher. Cleared up tea things etc
19.30 - 20.10: lo's bed time

What would I have liked to have achieved in addition to this? - well lots of personal paperwork in my office, some chatty emails to friends, some 'educational stuff' with dd (she can't write her name fully yet even though she is nearly 4, and can't recognise most letters), putting all the stuff that is strewn around the house back in its rightful place, looked up some holiday suggestions on the internet etc

dr phil. he's good for this sort of sense of failure.

gulp. hiccup.

Yep, you seem pretty normal to me.

I try to have do everything and do nothing days now though to take the pressure off. I cant live up to this "do x y and z by the same time every day/week".

I do what i can, when i can and if i feel up to it. No point in trynig to make myself do it, then fail at it, and feel like a failure. Does that make sense?

hmc - don't worry about what dd can do. Ds1 didn't know his letters when he started reception either - he obviously knows them all now and got on to year 2 reading books just before Easter! It honestly doesn't matter.

Ah HMC....I understand and relate to you too. Is it because you thought when you stopped working that you would be able to be more organized? Try if you can to change your expectations so that you don't feel like crap. I have lowered my standards dramatically since I have had the children in terms of cleaning. None of your happiness, spontaneity, or well-being should be sacrificed to "appear" to be getting eveything done and I am sure that you know that. Try one new trick a week for organization if you are able. Organizing bins which are labeled or pretty baskets that are labeled helped me with the kids. Getting them to put their things in the same place helps with getting ready. Keeping a calendar--you know it all I am sure. Firstly, you should have had a well-deserved time to kick back after stopping work, and when you are really rested, pick up the pieces slowly.

Try not to compare yourselves to others, for some it is a front and not real, some have different standards in their home and different circumstances entirely. I feel for you--I always want to have more energy and time for fun. The summer is coming for you (is school not over yet?), maybe the change of routine will help. Feel better soon then. Xo