Generally feel a bit of a failure - in a sort of low key way

[handlemecarefully]

I feel I'm failing....Generally like to parade a faux bravado on mumsnet that nothing really bothers me - but it does

*I see other mums who are better turned out / better groomed than me (don't seem to find time even to apply fecking body lotion in the morning)

*I'm often late for Pre School even though it doesn't start until half past flaming nine

*The house is broadly clean but pretty untidy and I often can't find swimming goggles, tennis rackets etc when taking either dd or ds to a class

• I have a To Do list with some really important items where I've made absolutely no progress (like filling in my holiday insurance claim - holiday cancelled on 11th May)

• Have lost touch with some friends because I seem unable to keep up and respond to all my emails in a timely way

• I'm late with each and every deadline or commitment I make (not talking work since I am a SAHM)

*the lo's watch 3 hours of tv a day quite frequently

• I haven't a clue what is going on in the world (don't seem to find time to watch / read the news)

Where does the time go? Everybody seems better organised and more productive than me and it's frustrating the hell out of me and making me feel crap.

I don't understand at all - I don't spend ages on mumsnet (well perhaps up to 45 mins per day, but mostly after 20.00 during my 'unwind' time - go on - run a check on my posts today - it isn't many), I don't idly fritter away the day reading magazines, newspapers or tv viewing. I seem to be constantly on the go

Where am I going wrong?

Www - thanks for your post, you're brought a smile to my face with your 'so what's'

Gdg - lovely to hear from you, I don't 'see' much of you these days. Thanks for opening up; I would have thought that you were uber organised too!

Expat - am loving the Winston Churchill quote

Psychobabble - tempted to order that book on Amazon. Has it really given you some useful insights?

Yep Lizs - I need to do more stuff the night before!

Wanderingstar, Spidermamma, Scooby, VVVQV, Lact8 -I've read and appreciated your posts too (I'll stop now before this sounds like an Oscar acceptance speech)

Mumsnet is such great therapy!

Oh sunchowder - you remain - as always - so lovely and supportive [soppy gin and tonic induced emoticon]

Love that emoticon!

HMC you've made me laugh, I'm imagining you clutching your G&T like an oscar

Yes, please change your name to OscarBawlingGwynny

lact8 - my G&T is almost finished now, and it was in a pint glass (I kid you not). Am just going to wander downstairs for a refill now.

It's all a bit of a nightmare isn't it??

My suggestions....

buy a heap of birthday cards and nice postcards in one go. Keep them in a good place with stamps then you're never caught short.
I only give booktokens to kids.Who needs more plastic? A book and a trip to buy it is a great pressie.

Keep meals dead simple.Whatever you cook,freeze half of it. Go out for lots of picnics (grand title for sarny and carton of juice.)Keep the house clean.
You would be horrified if you knew how many cheese & pickle sandwiches mine eat.

Diary and calendar in same place.Update every night and look at it first thing.
Pad permanently on hand to write down 'to dos' as and when crop up.

Place for everything and everything in its place.Train your children.Even dd (5) can help me put stuff away)

Internet for most of your shopping.Shops sap energy and time.

Forget about tv.Also energy sapping and time consuming. (if impossible,only watch well chosen things)

Breakfast stuff out in the morning and bags etc ready and waiting by front door or even in car(saves heaps of time)

Quick tidy and sort every night just before bedtime.You can zap most of it in 15 mins.

Prioritise what you really want and sod the rest.For me,this is the paper every day (I take it everywhere with me so I can read a snatch in a traffic jam,while waiting to pick up dd and so on)and exercise a few times a week to stop me going mental as dh is always abroad.

I always reckon once they reach 31/2 things get appreciably easier.

at your pint of G&T. bfeeding so would be on my @rse on a thimble of it

Moondogs idea of going out is great. I try to tidy the downstairs at least, the night before. Then in the morning get ds1off ot school, get ds2 2.5 to help load breakfast stuff into dishwasher, get dd in pram, run around for 5 minutes getting everywhere straight and then go out.

Its nice to come home to a house that has stayed tidy(ish) for a whole day and doesn't make tidying it in the first place seems so futile

I often lash mine into the car,then come back in for a quick whizz around.
I can't bear coming back to an untidy house.

I was thinking today about the blues that all us sahm are prone to on occasion.Am convinced that it is mainly to do with spending too much time in the house.
I know when I've been out a lot I feel so much lighter and then look forward to a bit of nesting.
So,the moral is....get out of the house on one definite trip/expedition/errand every single day
(tedious supermarket shopping doesn't count,although strolling around real shops does).

Morning is the best time.

Yes I definitely feel worse if I've been at home too much (surveying all that I haven't done)

MD - thanks for the book token idea. I've never thought of that but it's sooooo much better than trotting to Tesco to buy yet another Power Ranger (of which the child probably already has umpteen but ask me, do I care?) I'm going to take your advice and get a job lot - what a fabbo idea.

Hmc - not on so much as mad busy - also FIL here so feel I have to be around rather than hiding upstairs!!

Yes too much time in the house sends me a bit do lally

I end up noticing hundreds of little jobs that need doing, convince myself the kids will amuse themselves long enough for me to do them (ha!) and then beat myself up when they haven't been done!

HMC - I think the feeling like a failure thing is actually the most energy sapping thing you have mentioned on this thread! There's nothing like feeling a failure that makes you more of a failure IYKWIM.

I think what you need to do is write the list every day of what you did succeed at doing, not what you didn't

I'd be very wary if I were you (speaking from experience) of swapping being a WOTH for being a 'professional mother'. You really can't transport the deadline/results driven work culture into the family home. I just don't think it works. There are probably many reasons why you chose to give up paid work and I suspect that most of those reasons have little to do with the things on your guilt list and more to do with the things on your 'I did today' list. You did a bit of relaxed shopping, lunch out, reading, playing with your children. Whether you ticked off a few things on your 'urgent' domestic admin list really isn;t here nor there!

So more positive thinking - give yourself proper recognition for what you did well and FGS bin the guilt list

handlemecarefully I am sorry you feel like this and I can assure you that you are not alone.

My homeopath told me a few months ago that almost every SAHM he sees complains of low self esteem or feels like they are struggling, I do think Moondog is speaking sense when she says it is to do with spending too mych time in the house, perhaps without adult company turning things over in our mind.

I have been a SAHM for a few years although ahve recently returned to work which I am finding really difficult as I ahve a very time consuming job that I am dedicated to but for the first time in my life I am trying to balance that with a family. I know that I come across as uber organised and in control but it is all a front. Almost every piece of paper i get given at work I have to photocopy as I loose it, my desk that I am planning my lessons on in my study is still covered in glitter from last week and I ahve an assigment due in on Saturday that I don't even know the title of!

I was late for pre school today meaning dd almost missed her photos and she doesn't start until 1pm so i wouldn't fret about 9.30. As Moondog said they have the rest of their school career to be on time.

I constantly have a huge to do list that I can never keep up to date with, it took me weeks to get round to posting Marslady's dresses back much to my embaressment after she kindly lent them to me.

Today (after arriving late for the school photos which meant all the kids had to stand waiting with their parents in the blaring sun) I tried to start up a converstation with another Mum about a meeting that I thought was this evening for the parents of the new reception class kids only to be told the meeting was two days ago- I lost my diary three weeks ago and have not had time to find it!

Sometimes I think Mumsnet doesn't help as although we are all lovely and we will support each other as we are doing now there are endless threads about how all our kids are eating oly the finest organic home made produce whilst wearing home made clothes and practising their Jolly Phonics before they move on to a bit of French!

HMC: you may as well have been describing me in your 1st post. I am exactly the same but have no explanation as to why. I actually found myself thinking today 'I must actually do some proper housework' when in fact I do it eveyday but it just never looks like I have

9.30? First ds I told the GP receptionist not to give me an appointment before 11!!! That was so I could spend more time going frantic at home as my post natal depression grew and grew! Learnt a lot since then. Now after birth of dd have learnt to love my dust bunnies rolling around the edges of the wooden floor and I'm proud to let some things lie! Ironing, pah if it can be folded smoothly, so be it. My darling mother for all she tried to bring me up as a neurotic house cleaner failed miserably in the end and said some wise words. "You're clean but an untidy genetic throwback!" "Kids don't want a poundnote it's you they want" (I think that one might have an expiry date in their early teens!) and finally "Being a mum is coping with all the little crises and just praying they don't all join up at once" Handlemecarefully you wouldn't be on this website sharing your worries if you didn't care so much. Chill and be kind to yourself!

Thanks for the later posts after I went to bed last night...

I like the idea of concentrating on / recognising what you have done during the day rather than obsessing about what you haven't done. For instance, later today I am taking the lo's to the David Lloyd to splash around in the outdoor toddler pool. They will love that, and I will have given them a 'quality' experience. Will try to ignore that my To Do list gathers dust in the mean time.

It's reassuring to hear from the rest of you that we all struggle to an extent and that it is completely normal.

OK - signing off now; don't want to be late for Pre School this morning!

Message withdrawn

Ahh that reminds me pruni - this thread hasnt had any ((((((.)(.)))))))

Priceless VVVQV
I too see a lot of myself in this thread and wonder if any of us can match our expectations of ourselves. hope it helps to see you are far from alone handlemecarefully

HMC I often feel exactly the same - I only have one dd, and when I see people with 2,3 or 4 (or more!!) I wonder how on earth they manage. I have always wanted a big family but now I wonder if I could cope.

HOWEVER - what I tell myself (when I'm feeling upbeat) is how much better it is for my dd to have a relaxed, attentive mummy who is chaotic, messy and doesn't follow the "rules" that we all seem to think apply; than to have a mummy who answers all her emails, has a spotless house, never lets her watch MTV (blush) and is really really uptight with a broom up her ass

glad I'm not alone in feeling like this either but of course that doesn't help. I know I am negative and should look at what I have actually done/achieved but sometimes that just does not seem possible. Now I'm off to try and get some housework done instead of thinking the house is a pigsty and I can't make it better!