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Original poster

Would you stop someone else's child from running away?

51 replies

julienetmum · 21/06/2006 00:57

Last week I had to nip into the local community centre to speak to the manager as I was hiring it. They have a coffee bar area so I sat dd (4) and ds (2) down with toast whilst I spoke to the manager at the counter. The table they were at were right next to the counter but I didn't notice ds get up and run out of the room (bad mummy!)

A woman saw him go and came over to tell me. Of course I flew after him and caught him at the door. He couldn't get out though as it was security catched.

When I took him back to the coffee bar the woman said to me that she hadn't tried to stop him in case someone thought she was trying to abduct him.

Of course I thanked her and made a mental note never to trust a 2 year old to sit still when told but this surprised me. I wouldn't have thought twice about stopping such a young child from running off if I saw him.

OP posts:
suzywong · 21/06/2006 01:04

wow you have a lot of guilt over this don't you?
I don't know about the hypotheticals you are raising and the moral issues, but it is pretty basic not to trust a 2 year old to do .... well anything it is told while you have your back turned.
sorry

bubbles4 · 21/06/2006 01:04

i would but its surprising how many people wont get involved.i had to break up a fight between two teenage girls when picking up ds from youth club the other night,i was so surprised how many adults just stood and watched.

suzywong · 21/06/2006 01:16

What I mean to say is that I learned that the hardway, the unbiddable 2 year old, I'm not adding more judgment to you just commenting what I consider to be the salient feature of your OP

Gingerbear · 21/06/2006 01:30

I once picked up a small boy (probably 2/3?) and screamed 'NO' at him. He was about to launch himself through an open window at the top of a very high castle keep. He had run up the spiral stairs ahead of his grandparents and I saw him run and jump up towards the window.
They were French, and utterly dumbstruck. They never even said thank you - but I think that was the shock.

eidsvold · 21/06/2006 04:30

i stopped a little lad from running off from his mum at the shops the other day. SOrt of corralled him in and turned him around to face mum as she was coming rushing ou t after him. He was probably about 18mths - 2 I guess. Figured I would want someone to do that for me.

NotQuiteCockney · 21/06/2006 07:52

I would have no problem stopping a little one who was trying to run off. No worries at all. (But then I generally don't believe in child abduction - what there is, is mostly estranged relatives, not random other mums in cafes.)

LeahE · 21/06/2006 08:01

DS legged it out of the cafe we were in and onto the street the other day and a passing woman grabbed him to stop him running into the road. DH was chasing after him so DS would have been OK even if she hadn't been there, but we were grateful to her -- and yes, I agree it's the right thing to do.

mrsbang · 21/06/2006 08:23

Yes, and have done occasionally.

saltire · 21/06/2006 08:30

I was at the park yesterday and a child of about 2 fell off his bike and got tangled in it. he was very upset, so i went to him,( i was nearer than his mother) and lifted the bike off him and picked him up. The child started screaming "NO,bad lady, leave me" at me, the mother was watching, but sitting onthe grass with her mates,so i backed off and went back to my seat. The mother finally got up from her seat and went over to her wee boy, who was hysterical by this point. She then came over to me ( bear in mind i had a double buggy with 2 mindees in it, plus my own 2 DS) and said to me
"What kind of deranged woman are you? You need your head looking at, leave my kid alone in future"

Who was the deranged one in that situation?
Perhaps people worry that they will be accused of things if they help a child. As someone said , random mothers aren't going to kidnap children in a park full of people, including the childs mother are they?

Bozza · 21/06/2006 08:37

Yes I would do something if the situation required it. And saltire I am quite at that woman. She has obviously being filling her 2yo's head with "stranger danger" talk that he can't yet compute, but hardly surprising as neither can his mother! Although I have to admit that being picked up by a stranger would have made my 2yo cry as her mother I would be grateful to someone who tried to help her. Don't let it put you off.

jenkel · 21/06/2006 08:38

If I seen a young child running out the door with an adult I would stop them. Once it back fired on me a bit, I stopped a 3 year old going out of the school playground on there own - busy road outside. I just said I think you ought to wait for you Mum and shut the gate, he screamed, kicked and punched at the gate and the mother came running up obviously wondering what was going on, I just explained that he was going out of the playground and she just said oh thats OK, he always does that, she was busy nattering to her friend.

The one time that I didnt get too involved is when we were at centreparcs and a 8 year old girl was in the toilets hysterically sobbing, I knocked on the toilet door and asked if she was OK, she opened the door and I think she had a bad case of diarohhea and was covered, she asked if I could help her clean herself up. I was about to but did think it through a little and thought if the mum comes in it could look bad, so got her to describe her mum and dad to me and that wandering around the restaurant looking for a tall bald fireman called sam. Explained the situation and they were very gratefull,

hotmama · 21/06/2006 08:42

I would stop any child running into the road/legging it generally - I would be most appreciative if anyone else did this with my dd's. at that mother who called you deranged - stupid cow.

I can say 'No" to my 20 months old dd1 - but wouldn't run the risk of doing as she was told/putting herslef in danger.

Twiglett · 21/06/2006 08:44

without a second's hesitation I would stop and pick up any toddler

am shocked at saltire's experience

would have done the same with an 8 year old as jenkel tbh

edam · 21/06/2006 08:44

A nice woman stepped in when ds was running ahead of me and nearly at the kerb. She held her arms wide to grab him. Luckily ds stopped at the kerb - I've been teaching him to do that - but I think she did the right thing and was grateful. She didn't know he was trained to stop and tbh you can't rely on a not-quite 3yo to remember it every time. Not sure I said thank-you properly though, was a bit caught up the situation and muttered something about him knowing to stop. She's probably on a grannies board somewhere complaining about the rude mother who allowed her child to run away! (If you've heard this story because she's your mum or something, please tell her I was grateful...).

Marina · 21/06/2006 09:10

Would always try and intervene in a friendly/helpful fashion with a running toddler. Agree with NQC about other mothers not being a significant abduction risk but quite often these situations occur when I am temporarily without the children...and therefore not obviously another mother. (Am too usually frazzled to a crisp with dd who is a bolter to be able to help with anyone else's child). Would have done the same as you jenkel with the older child.
at the charmer in the park saltire! I'd have been grateful myself.

Bozza · 21/06/2006 09:11

Well edam at least you stopped short of calling her deranged....

Kelly1978 · 21/06/2006 09:22

I wouldn't grab one unless it was abs necessary, because half the tiem you do get mouthful for your trouble. There is a nursery near our local park and they bring all the kids there for a playtime int he afternoon. Last tiem I was there a toddler was kicked down the steps to a slide, fell on her head. No one came so I picked her up and gave her a cuddle. I got such a dirty look when someone eventually came over and snatched her back, and not even a thank you.

I would try to block them off or catch the mothers eye if poss. A toddler ran in front of ds's swing and I had no choice but to grab him, and I ended up apologising to his mother for grabbing him. I know most people view everybody with suspicion these days, but I found it really that I felt the need to apologise.

TinyGang · 21/06/2006 09:56

My god I'm shocked at some of the responses some of you have had!

I was just going to post that of course I would stop one running away and I pick them up if they fall over right in front of me (obviously I'm looking for the mum). Maybe I should re-think that then

I don't think I would cuddle a child though that I didn't know in case it was misconstrued.

I would be very upset if I received a load of abuse for trying to help. What a sad state of affairs that it's come to that; that some people think the very worst from everyone. It's stops people reacting instictively if they see a child hurt or in danger.

I'm always grateful for any intervention when mine run off or fall over.

snowleopard · 21/06/2006 10:08

When we were on holiday recently we went swimming at a lake and a little boy of less than 2 was playing alone at the water's edge. His parents were nowhere to be seen! There were other people around too so he was fairly safe but I was still shocked that they would leave him unguarded in water. He got too cold, started crying and came towards me arms outstretched as I was the nearest. It was very hard not to scoop him up and cuddle him but it could have looked bad (esp as he was naked) and I was scared of upsetting the parents - so I held his hand and talked to him while looking around anxiously and eventually the mum came over - she'd been away swimming in the deep bit. She gave me a shitty look. Still, I think we all should be looking out for each other's toddlers. I bet a lot of the bad reactions happen because parents feel guilty or criticised when someone else steps in.

coppertop · 21/06/2006 10:10

Ds2(3yrs) has a tendency to suddenly run off and keep running. When it happens in the town centre no-one tries to stop him. A couple of weeks ago I was chasing after him with ds1 beside me and dd in her pram while the crowds actually parted to let ds2 get past them. Bizarrely all the onlookers did was to comment "Oooh! Hasn't he got lovely hair!" When ds2 runs off nearer home, people are much more likely to stop him. Maybe it's because they don't feel as though they would be seen and judged as there are less people around?

I shall always be grateful to the woman who caught ds1 (then 5) for me after he had a meltdown, ran across one busy road without stopping and was just about to run across a second road. She probably saved his life.

misdee · 21/06/2006 10:13

dd2 has a tandancy to make a sudden run for it. she did it a while ago in a shop whilst my back was turned. she just disappeared. i was asking people if they'd seen her and someone said that they'd seen her run out of the shop. ffs SHE IS 3YEARS OLD, WHY DIDNT YOU STOP HER? i found her being returned by another lady who had found her at the other end of the shopping parade. i was so grateful to that lady for bringing her back and stopping at everyshop to ask if anyone had lost her. but to the people who had watch her run out and not stopped her, well shame on them

ScummyMummy · 21/06/2006 10:16

Jeez coppertop. How frustrating. He must have very gorgeous hair though!
I too am very shocked at the negative experiences some people have had. I think saltire's woman must be on the verge of mentally ill to be so extreme, actually. Really sad for the kid to view all adult people as potential danger as well.

TinyGang · 21/06/2006 10:29

It's awful because human beings live in communities and a community looks out for its the vulnerable members that need protection. Not just children but old people and those who are ill too.

I really despair to see that being eroded. How can we survive or call ourselves civilised if we don't help or allow others to help when required? Very sad but heartening to see so many of us instictively do still keep an eye out.

CarlK · 21/06/2006 10:32

ok ladies what if I stopped your child from running away?

I feel the pressure more as a 40 ish man but I would not hesitate to atempt to stop a toddler running into danger. Cuddles are a definate non no tho despite how upset a lost child may be, that is sad and it would break my heart not to be able to offer comfort to someone lost and afraid. but I am mindful of the fact that no one can see my motives.
I think its very sad but probably necessary.

Kelly1978 · 21/06/2006 10:37

I wouldn't be worried about someone stoppign my child from running away, I would be GRATEFUL. Maybe it's because I have four, one of who has SN and they are a handful, but I wish more people would think the same. And it doesn't matter what the age or sex or the rescuer is.

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