Would you stop someone else's child from running away?

[julienetmum]

Last week I had to nip into the local community centre to speak to the manager as I was hiring it. They have a coffee bar area so I sat dd (4) and ds (2) down with toast whilst I spoke to the manager at the counter. The table they were at were right next to the counter but I didn't notice ds get up and run out of the room (bad mummy!)

A woman saw him go and came over to tell me. Of course I flew after him and caught him at the door. He couldn't get out though as it was security catched.

When I took him back to the coffee bar the woman said to me that she hadn't tried to stop him in case someone thought she was trying to abduct him.

Of course I thanked her and made a mental note never to trust a 2 year old to sit still when told but this surprised me. I wouldn't have thought twice about stopping such a young child from running off if I saw him.

I'd be very grateful to you CarLK, really I would. But if some of the mum's on here have had bad feedback occsionally, I can certainly understand why a man would hesitate.

I wouldn't cuddle either, even though you naturally might want to.

Someone on here, sorry can't remember who, recently had their 3-yo run away from nursery and he was rescued by a man who put him in his car, then asap found a woman to sit with him while he called the police. That was a brave thing to do - he could easily have been accused of all sorts of things, but it was still the right thing to do.

carlk, my DP feels the same, he won't even take our 3yo swimming on his own because of the whispering that went on last time

sorry, i know thats not the point of the post

CarlK - I'd be very grateful if you stopped a child of mine from running off. There are a few workmen digging up the paths/road in my area this week. When ds2 got too far ahead of me yesterday (thankfully not running away this time!) they were the ones who slowed him down and kept him talking about diggers and Bob the Builder until I got there. They were lovely.

Yes, always. And a year or so ago I took a little girl back to a shopping centre to find her mum. She'd left the centre and wandered the full length of a long and busy market, bawling her eyes out and obviously lost and NOBODY, until I found her at the other end, had bothered to help her.

Of course. The chance that the parent would get abusive about it, is less of a risk than that the child would die. Quite simple really, for me.

All these people who are afraid of being accused of being abductors are just pathetic, imo. Even if you've had a bad experience with a loony parent, you'd still put the welfare of a child first, wouldn't you?

ABSO BLOODY LUTELY!

Have never really thought about it before, I just instinctly pick up a child thats fallen or is running away and have only ever had people say thank you.

People have stopped ds2 running away frequently (as those who know him will tell you it is a frequent passtime for him!) and that includes men. He got out of the house once and ran down the road and I only noticed when I saw that there was a man sitting in my frount garden guarding the open door! He had even bought them ice cream from the ice cream van (which is what they had chased after) although had only bought ds1 an ice cream as he had been unsure whether ds2 was old enough - he was about 18 months (bless his thoughtfulness!) he also had his young daughter with him who was inside my house playing with the boys (I had been running a bath btw so hadnt noticed all of this!)

It never occured to me that he was a pervert etc, I was just greatful for him bringing my boys back.

Oh and CarlK - If you were to grab Michael as he was running away I would probably wonder off in the other direction and grab five minutes peace whilst he was safe with you

I suspect a lot of the dirty looks are because people feel guilty, because they weren't paying attention. Or because they feel that another parent getting involved implies they weren't doing their job properly.

But then again, I really really don't believe in stranger danger (99.9% of people wouldn't hurt a hair on a child's head. 100% of cars will accidentally kill your child, though.), so am probably in a small minority here.

(I don't tend to pick up other people's kids unless the kids ask for it. But that's probably just laziness on my part.)

Well I'm glad that so many on here would have stopped him.

I take Suzy's point, I was silly, normally he would have been strapped into his pushchair but this time he was sitting eating at the table and I was distracted whilst talking to the manager.

I did suddenly feel uncomfortable one time when I was looking after an 8 year old boy at the theatre. He asked to go to the toilet so we left our setas and I took him to the door of the mens and let him go in.

Someone else came out of the show and went into the toilet and I suddenly wished I had taken him into the ladies. I apologised to the man when he came out for standing with my foot in the door and he was most understanding. If it had been mu own child I wouldn't have been so concerned but he was a student in mycare.

CarlK I would probably look at you dubiously but still thank you

As a fact if it weren't for a middle aged guy during the Notting Hill Carneval I probably would have lost dd (then 3) for a much longer period of time than just a sickening heart beat! She'd run around a car to get into a little park there but instead of running into the park she turned around and went back to where we started off. I hadn't noticed and when I had rounded the car she was gone . She was literally only 10-15 metres away and that guy had kneeled down and was talking to her, probably trying to find out what's going on. Because of that she hadn't ran any further and I'm eternally grateful! And also made note to self next time attach retractable leash!

Otherwise I do stop toddlers if I see them bolting for it by generally just standing in the way and asking them where do you think you're going?

Saltire I can't believe that cow! If that would have been my child I would have thanked you.

my dear old dad hasn'ta clue about how he might be perceived nowadays. He often comes to the park with me and dss and sits on a bench and watches ds play. I always notice other mums looking at him suspiciously and make a point of talking to him and calling him 'Dad' so they know he is with me. However, he sometimes talks to the other mothers about their children, saying things like 'she's walking well' or 'how old is he?' And often gets stony silence in return. I do feel sorry for him, but I guess that is just how things are today - and old man in a children's park even as a grandfather is viewed with suspicion. He's starting to realise to keep quite now.

ruty that's such a shame! Isn't it sad how things have gone. Saying that dh took dd to a street festival last year or was it 2 years ago? Anyhow she was having a ball so when it all ended she didn't want to go home and sobbed her little heart out. So a copper approached dh and asked him with quite some attitude 'is she your child?'. FFS it wasn't as if he was moving away from the scene swiftly dragging a screaming toddler after him. He was cuddling her trying to calm her down. DH is a big guy and not easily intimidated to righted himself and said 'yes she is and you're welcome to accompany me home so my wife can attest to the fact'. The copper turned crimson ... though on the other hand, good to see that the copper was observent He just has to work on his tone of voice/attitude

DH wouldn't hesitate a second either to stop a child from getting into harms way.

I am forever grateful to the elderly man who rescued ds1 when he was about 18 months.

I lived in quiet village at the time and the back gardens had no gates or fences separating them. ds had slipped out of the open back door when I was busy for a minute and he was nowhere to be seen. I went out into the gardens calling his name, when I suddenly spotted this man walking him by the hand up the front garden path to the house.

The man had been driving through the village when he spotted ds standing by the side of the road (about 50 yards from the house). He stopped and brought him back to the nerarest house.

I was so grateful to the man but it wasn't until a few years after that I fuly realised just how grateful - ds could have been spotted by an opportunist paedo and abducted and no one would have been any the wiser as to who the hell he was.

I still like to see the good in people and would like to think that they would do the same as me and prevent a very small child from hurting themselves if they were nearby.

Not sure what to say, if you live in a community where people still takes responsability for all the little kids, I would say I would... but I have had so many stupid mothers complaining of people "helping" their little kids that I try my best to ignore, unless they are getting in real danger. But even so, one day I stopped a tumbling toddler that was running just before he fell into the river (big river, not a stream, 6 feet fall), toddler, of course, cried at being hold when he least suspected it, mother instead of asking me what had happened (she was about 50ft away of the kid), started questioning the child to see if I had done "something" to him!, when I explained he was going to fall she told me he wouldn't as he didn't like water (not that tripping toddlers exist), and said that in any case I could have jumped to get him out rather than scaring him before the accident happen.

I just looked at my 5m pregnant bump and made a mental note never to go out again with this woman!

Carlk, i would be grateful to you if you stopped my child. I don't assume everyone is going to kidnap my child. I grew up in a small town, and in my estate were lots of old people, they would come out and give us sweets, make cakes for us, and let us help them in their garden! Our parents never, ever mentioned the words kidnap, pervert or anything like that to us. At the risk of being shot down in flames here, i think its possibly a generation thing. The woman who had a go at me in the park was only about 22/23, and had grown up in this era of the media telling us that there are "bad people" everywhere, and she had obviously assumed that anyone who touched her child, for whatever reason, was a pervert who was going to run off with him. (How she thought i was going to manage this whilst pushing a double buggy is anyone's guess). Whereas, i grew up as a child in the 70's and a teenager in the 80's, and there never seemed to be this hype then, or maybe because i'm now 35, i can look at it rationally! I was a bit hurt at the response i got when i helped her son, but i would do it again.
I'm not implying that any youing mothers are neurotic and over reacting, so please don't think i am.

at the policeman MrsBigD, and even more at Chandra and Saltire's stories. i think people in older generations were perhaps a bit too trusting, i know my mum and dad left with me sometimes with people who, though they didn't abuse me, were perhaps not the most suitable people to look after a child, but now it does seem to have gone over the top. It is sad though, because it feels like danger is everywhere and the idea of community is almost non existent now in lots of places.

I would welcome anybody that would stop my child running off, male or female. I agree with the comments that Saltire made, I'm 36 and was brought up in a small town, most people knew me or knew of my family and everybody would watch out for everybody elses kids. I now live in a small village, know most of the children around my own childrens age and would hope we have a good community spirt.

same here, 37 years old and when I was little, I was notorious for 'hanging out' at neighbours because they had dogs/cats etc. and nobody thought about it twice

I always wonder about this one. I'd like to say I'd stop them and probably would but at the back of mind i'd be worried I was going to get an earful.

My mum and me were on the bus once when my mum put her hand out to help steady a toddler who was stood up ready to get off. The mum turned round and said 'get your hands off him', my mum was really upset and it has stopped her doing anything like that since.

We stopped a lad about 8 years old on the beach the other week to see if he was ok, as he was holding his arm and crying. Dp asked him if he was hurt and he wouldn't answer and then his dad appeared and said it's ok he's been fighting with his brother and off we went, but i was def more wary than dp of stopping and asking which is awful.

I would be grateful of anyone stopping a child of mine from running off by the way.

That's ok Mrsbigd,
people look at me funny most of the time.
Like when I talk to other mums when at the park with dd. I get the are you trying to pull look.
or a child I see does something cute that makes me think of dd I usually smile and wave within sight of parent/s. I get the what are you up to look.
I dont worry much what others think of me,its probably no more or less judgemental than I am with them.

i would (and have) stopped kids that are lost or about to run into the road ect, its never crossed my mind that the parents would think i was a pervert trying to abduct their child, i always think if it were the other way around, i would be very grateful to anybody that stopped my dd from running into a road, or helped her if she had fallen.

having said that, i would always to try and stop the child without actually touching them if possible, and def wouldnt take them anywhere, when i found a 2/3 year old girl lost in a shopping center a few years ago, i tried to ask her where her mum or dad was but she couldnt/wouldnt answer so i just followed her while my mum went to look for her mum, the mum of the child never said so much as thanks to us, but i wouldnt have stopped worrying if i had just left her.

CarlK, i get funny looks too (and I'm a woman, with a ds and a dd). It'd be normal in my country to start a conversation with other mothers at the park, the baby gym or nursery. Here it doesn't seem to be the case.Of course i'd stop a child putting himself/herself in danger. I once did and got a terrible look from the father. Second tinygang opinion about the community spirit.