Fear of turning Forty

[Lobe]

Help. I'm a mother of two and I'll turn 40 in November. I know it's a long way off yet but because it's now THE YEAR IN WHICH I WILL BE 40 it's preying more and more on my mind. I'm waking at 3am and fretting, and not getting back to sleep for ages, and I know it's no big deal really but ...
Any tips? I don't want to be 40!

I will be 40 in June, I'm not sure if I'm worried about it or not...My partner asked last night "Are you having a party?" and I must, I think, be in denial because I instantly said "No, I don't like parties."

Have you considered the alternatives? Short term you can just knock a few years off and ignore it. It won't go away, though, and sooner or later you'll either have to admit to getting there or kill yourself. Why does getting older matter so much to you?

The one difference I regret is that I've lost my ability to be silly. Its a pity because it was fun but I've gained a few things too like confidence and financial security.

Lobe, If it is any comfort, I felt the same in the weeks approaching my 30th and yet all my anxieties disappeared on the day after the birthday. It was odd because I'd never really worried about birthdays and ageing etc before or since those few weeks.

I hope you don't have these worries for another 10 months!

Lobe I have total sympathy for you I will be forty in 32 days time and last year I spent a couple of months really down about it - then I had real problem to contend with and I worried about that instead - luckily that little problem has subsided for now and am back to thinking about my up and coming 40th - I've told the women I work with no banners, cards, cakes with 40 candles - I am not welcoming this 40 thing. I think my problem stems from the fact that I am 2 stone overweight and feel old fat and frumpy. I am supposed to be trying for number 2 and that was one of the issues I was trying to get my head round also ie. too old to be a mum again although I didnt have ds until I was 35 and dp and I have only just got to the stage where we agree on another!!! I dont suppose after 28th February my life will change dramatically because I'm forty and I know I cant change it but there is something about being forty that is so depressing. I feel like life is passing me by so quickly and bar winning the lottery there is not much I can do to change my circumstances but on the other hand they do say something about women reaching their sexual peak at 40 - yeah right !!!! Right I'm going to stop now I know I'm rambling - anyway Lobe I will let you know how I feel after the big day has pasted.

I agree with Wendym, being 40 is a lot better than the alternative!! I had a big bash for my 40th and then two years after that, went on to produce another baby. And now, I'm nearer 50 than 40, which is quite a thought, but hey, life's great!

I had my little darling, 5 last week, when I was 40 so guess how old I am now?! My parents and other relatives held a surprise birthday party for me in Brighton and invited lots of friends and relations. I didn't know anything about it until I walked into the restaurant they had hired! Only problem was, I hadn't told anyone that I was 10 weeks pregnant (except then DP, now DH)so I had an equal surprise for them!!! However, I couldn't drink any champagne and had to spend my 40th birthday stone dry (I had decided no alcohol during the pregnancy at all). Boy, have I made up for it since!(Ask the Vinopolis gang). Being 40 plus is brilliant because you don't have to worry about turning 40 ever again - you're over the hill and cruising nicely down the other side!

I always feel 40 is so old but then I'm brought up short when I realise I'm 35 this year and 40 is not too far away. I think it stems back to thinking my mam was so old when in reality she was really young - hell by the time she was my age she had a 17 year old and I've only got a 2 year old, she also died when she was 42 so maybe its because mams are supposed to be old to their children. Now (when I realise I'm 35) I think 40 is really young and only a number. Just think of all the gorgeous people who are 40 odd (Jonathan Ross - what is it about him? - Kristin Scott Thomas etc etc). Be 40 and be proud!!!!

I think I'm ok about becoming 40 - but then I've a few years to go yet - 36 currently.
I don't think its the turning 40 that will bother me so much as the exppectation that goes around the date. I remember turning 18 & 21 & the hype around the importance of the date.
At 18 I spent most of it throwing up after mixing martini & Cider (what a teenage drink!) and at 21 I was depressed - no boyfriend & no money.
Oh, 30 was much more fun - lots of friends round,a treasure hunt round the berkshire countryside and the biggest chinese takaway we've ever ordered.- the restuarant wouldn't take 20+ people last minute but the take away did!
but 40 - I think I'll try & resist the need to "do" something on the actual date and spread the celebrations over the year. I'll definately do something to remind myself i'm still sexy.& definately do something homely & family orientated but not necessarily together!

Hi, I was 40 back in November 2001. I didn't think too much about it beforehand until people started to ask me how I was feeling about being 40.

We celebrated in several ways, lovely meal out for me and hubby, weekend away at centreparcs with kids and nice pressies. I don't feel any different really except for a fleeting feeling of "time running out". I know that sounds ludicrous, but there is a lot I'd like to see, do, experience etc. and I can't work out where the last few years have gone!

For me, I have christened my 4th decade as the "comfort years". No more slavishly following diets, squeezing into clothes that are too tight, doing things because "I ought to". I intend to push my needs a little further up the priority list and book regular massages, have a drink when I want to, see friends more often and enjoy my life and my family now rather than telling myself I'll relax when "I've just finished this project/when I've lost that half stone in weight etc.

Happy 4th decade everyone!

Turning 40 has been great for me (I'm 42 in a few weeks), my dh booked a suprise meal with friends in a local restaurant which I had no idea about and then gave me some money and told me spend it to treat myself - so a friend and I had a fabulous weekend at a health farm, pampering ourselves. To top it all when I got back he and dd had sprng cleaned the house and filled it with flowers so I felt really special. So look forward to it, treat as a chance to be indulged - drop a few broad hints if necessary - and enjoy. I think if anything I am now happier and more confident thanks to being so wonderfully spoilt.

I will be forty later this year too, but I have to face it without my mum who died suddenly last November. I wasn't particularly looking forward to this milestone, but since my mum's death, the number seems irrelevant.

I'm not 40 'til next year, but I realised yesterday that I am now as old as my mum was when dh first met her - now that really makes me feel old!

Dear Sylvev
Sorry to correct you but you are in your 5th decade now! Hope I haven't made you feel older!

Lulu40 - I think we are twins! Is your 40th on March 2nd? If so, snap!! I am so glad its a Saturday, I can have a nice lie-in and not have to go to work. We have decided on a small dinner party - well, not that small, about 20 people, and then a big bash in the summer.

Bee - no 28 February - maths not my strong point -must be my age reducing my mental capacity!!!

Hello all and thanks for the words of comfort! Lulu40 - I think you must be me in disguise because I also have at least two stone I could do with losing and I feel fat and frumpy. And nearly forty ... although not as near to forty as you are! (sorry, couldn't resist that).
All my friends are getting fed up with me moaning about my age, and considering they are mostly in their early forties I don't blame them.
I love the idea of 'comfort years'. Maybe I'll try that when I've lost this weight ... here's to being not fat at forty!

Cam, yep you are right! I'm obviously still in denial about this.

Well Sylvev I am in denial too, as I am now 45 but I cannot bring myself to tick the box on questionnaires, surveys,etc which says 45-54. I still keep somehow "forgetting" and ticking the 35-44 box!

Well,Cam,forgetfulness comes with the territory...I constantly forget my cashpoint number; lose keys, shopping, children etc.....

I wonder if this age-related or 'being a parent'-related!

Well its finally here I am forty today - thanks gods its over - not half as bad as I thought had some lovely presents and feel thoroughly spoilt only another ten years to go until the next big one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday lulu40!!!!!!

Happy Birthday! Hope you celebrate with abandon!

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday!!!

It's not that bad once you get to it! And it is nice to get spoiled for the day.