Fear of turning Forty

[Lobe]

Help. I'm a mother of two and I'll turn 40 in November. I know it's a long way off yet but because it's now THE YEAR IN WHICH I WILL BE 40 it's preying more and more on my mind. I'm waking at 3am and fretting, and not getting back to sleep for ages, and I know it's no big deal really but ...
Any tips? I don't want to be 40!

[starmoon]

Lindy, Lulu40, Bettys, JanZ,

Thanks all for your comments, lovely to hear from
some olders mums. Where are you all from? I am
from Kent. I have changed my name to Starmoon by
the way (no longer Milo).

[Lindy]

Milo - who cares?

I KNOW I am the oldest mum at our playgroup - some of the others could easily be my daughter - I am 43, nearly 44, with a one year old. I honestly don't care &, I think, neither do they, I get included in all their invites for nights out etc & I include them in my invites and, like in any area of life, some become better friends than others - but I don't think it's due to the age issue. Some friends my own age have grown up children - just yesterday I made a new friends with a couple younger than DH & I & they are already grandparents!

[JanZ]

Hi Milo. Does it matter if you're the oldest Mum at the play group? It's what you FEEL that metters - and you must look pretty good too, from your boss's comment!

I'll be 41 in April. Last year the anticipation of turning 40 was worse than the actual event. At the end of the day, you're only a day older than you were the day before. But it's nice to have the excuse to get treated!

As regards another baby, then age DOES become an issue. My ds is just about 18 months old and I WOULD like another one. But dh a) doesn't seem to realise that age is a factor (the fact that everything was so straightforward with ds does not help) and b) ds is such a perfect child, (honest!) he'd be happy to stop there. He's trying to pick up the courage to give up his job and go it alone - something he's been talking about for YEARS. He's frustrated in his job and I want him to leave too, but if I were to get pregnant, the old caveman/breadwinner instinct would kick in again and he'd never leave - and resent me for it. So I have to be patient!

(.... tick...tock....tick...tock.....!!!)

[bettys]

lulu 40 - I know exactly what you mean. I'm 41 & have sort of been trying for another - ds is 2.5 - but keep swithering. For example daily life gets easier the older ds gets so do I really want to go back to sleepless nights etc etc and yet I can't bring myself to part with the old pushchair, baby clothes, car seat and so on. I think it is more acceptable now to have children later, it's just down to the individuals concerned, as to how they feel about it, physically & mentally.

milo - I don't know where you are but here in London it's quite common to be an older mum - and it sounds as if you can pass for younger anyway! When I hit forty it was with a sigh of relief. When I was 30 I felt I still had a long way to go, but 10 years on I'd achieved more and felt more comfortable with myself and life. I didn't go for the big party option but spent the day with the ones that matter most ie dp, ds and close friends. To be honest, if it weren't for the 'is time running out for another baby' question I'd keep forgetting how old I am!

[lulu40]

Hi Milo - I'm forty now and I know what you mean about the baby thing as we are supposed to be trying (though not very hard) for number 2 and the longer it goes on the less I want it ds is 5 in November its getting to the point where I'm thinking whats the point they wont play together etc but still the thought of never having another does still pull at my heart strings - some days I feel way too old for another and others I think well if Madge can do it (I know she has millions and a personal trainer etc etc) what I really mean is that it does now seem more acceptable to have another even if you are an old git aka 40!! This is a hard one I know I have major traumas last year deciding on whether to go for it - sorry if I'm rambling !!

[lulu40]

Sorry Serena bit lost on your last para?

[milo]

I will be 40 on May 7th, I have a little girl
Phoebe who is nearly 2 and a half. I really dont
want to be 40 and dont want a party, infact I
am embarrassed to say my age at the moment. At my
local playgroup I am sure I must be the oldest there but am afraid to ask. My boss said I dont
look a day over 30, she is female and usually tells the truth so I suppose it should make me feel good. Also, not sure if I want another baby
or not at the moment but if i wait too long....

[MalmoMum]

Serena. Welcome to the board! Go on , share your tips on organic Champagne. What have you got to lose?

[serena]

Dear lulu40, hope you have a fantastic time. My secret for staying the pace on a night out is only drink after you get home, then really go for it. I have secret source of ORGANIC champagne, and it really does produce a hangover-free high. Not telling where we get it though.

PS I wondered if you had time to read through the other threads on adhd etc, and if so, would like to echo someone's query as to what your tips for coping with "behaviour " are?

[lulu40]

Thanks everyone for your best wishes yesterday - I drank vast quantities of Champagne last night and totally missed ER/Clocking Off (sob sob) but the real celebrations are on Saturday night - dumping son on granny and heading toward the bright lights - expect we will be tucked up in our beds by 11 pm as we never can quite make it past the cocktail bar/taxi home bit !!! never mind at least I've got all my own teeth!

[Rhiannon]

Ha no Lizzer I'm still sniffing about. Sad old me!

Happy Birthday Lulu R.

[Lizzer]

Possibly your last happy birthday wish given the time. Hope you enjoyed yourself lulu

Really must stop avoiding writing my essay by just taking a 'peek' on here -erm, 3hrs later....

[sylvev]

Happy birthday, see it's ok really!

[dm2]

Happpy Birthday

[winnie]

Lulu40...Happy Birthday!! Hope you are celebrating in style this evening(?)

[Marina]

Happy birthday Lulu, enjoy the rest of the day!

[JanZ]

Happy Birthday!!!

It's not that bad once you get to it! And it is nice to get spoiled for the day.

[sis]

Happy Birthday!

[JoAnne427]

Happy Birthday! Hope you celebrate with abandon!

[Ems]

Happy Birthday lulu40!!!!!!

[lulu40]

Well its finally here I am forty today - thanks gods its over - not half as bad as I thought had some lovely presents and feel thoroughly spoilt only another ten years to go until the next big one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sylvev]

Well,Cam,forgetfulness comes with the territory...I constantly forget my cashpoint number; lose keys, shopping, children etc.....

I wonder if this age-related or 'being a parent'-related!

[CAM]

Well Sylvev I am in denial too, as I am now 45 but I cannot bring myself to tick the box on questionnaires, surveys,etc which says 45-54. I still keep somehow "forgetting" and ticking the 35-44 box!

[sylvev]

Cam, yep you are right! I'm obviously still in denial about this.

[Lobe]

Hello all and thanks for the words of comfort! Lulu40 - I think you must be me in disguise because I also have at least two stone I could do with losing and I feel fat and frumpy. And nearly forty ... although not as near to forty as you are! (sorry, couldn't resist that).
All my friends are getting fed up with me moaning about my age, and considering they are mostly in their early forties I don't blame them.
I love the idea of 'comfort years'. Maybe I'll try that when I've lost this weight ... here's to being not fat at forty!