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What is the matter with these men? (Not funny)

180 replies

Janh · 04/02/2004 13:22

Another one who killed most of the family and then jumped off a bridge - left the baby in the car this time

BBC

OP posts:
pie · 06/02/2004 12:55

Aloha has (again!) said everything I thought but much more eloquently then I could.

So horribly heartbreaking

Blu · 06/02/2004 12:56

Nicksie, do YOU think that violent and habituallly violent men are driven over the edge by the fact that women escape from them with their children, OR that women take the children because the men are violent and habitually controlling? In any case, it is the men's behaviour that has caused the separation.

Nicksie · 06/02/2004 13:08

Message withdrawn

dinosaur · 06/02/2004 13:11

Nicksie - the phrase "these men" in the title clearly refers to men who kill their partners and/or children. It is not a slur on men in general at all.

oliveoil · 06/02/2004 13:12

I think the title of the thread means 'these men' as in those that murder their families not men in general. That is not how I took it anyway.

I can't read any of these articles and the picture of those 3 girls made me cry yesterday. Very very sad story.

WideWebWitch · 06/02/2004 13:12

Nicksie, you can say "let's not go there" all you like but I think you'll find this is an open board and we can all say what we like. Including you, obviously. No-one's tarring all men with the same brush - it seems to me we're talking about men who kill women and children.

Nicksie · 06/02/2004 13:13

Message withdrawn

oliveoil · 06/02/2004 13:13

Great minds dino!

aloha · 06/02/2004 13:15

THis is the other case I referred to.

These men often threaten to kill, but sadly, few take their threats seriously.

We can't be right, and while I'm sure your motives are good, Nicksie, I'm not sure it's your job to draw a line under a disagreement. No, I'm not always right and on other issues Tom and I agree. But on this particuar issue I am right. Look into the case and you will see, he wasn't 'driven insane by lack of contact' as Tom suggests, but he was extremely violence while he lived with the children.
And yes, 'these men' does refer to the men who kill their families. It is a specific reference.

Father 'had history of violence'

A businessman who shot his wife and son and then turned the gun on himself had a history of domestic violence. Julia Pemberton, 47, and her son William, 17, were apparently killed by her estranged husband Alan, 48, at their family home, before he shot himself.

Daughter Laura, 19, survived, as she was away from the £1m family home in Slanting Hill, Hermitage, Berkshire, when the incident happened on Tuesday.

On Sunday Thames Valley's domestic violence unit revealed it had had "dealings" with the Pembertons in the past.

Death threats

A police spokeswoman said: "They had contact with Mrs Pemberton but I don't know how recently or when the last time was."

It also emerged Alan Pemberton from Bronze Ash, near Ross-on-Wye, Herefordshire was under a court injunction for threatening to kill his estranged wife, Julia, more than a year ago.

Police also revealed that the 12-gauge weapon used in the shooting was not Mr Pemberton's but was owned by someone they have so far refused to name and had not been stolen.

The police would only say that the shotgun was licensed to someone in the West Mercia Police area.

'Memorial service'

On Saturday in a statement issued through the Catholic Diocese of Portsmouth, Laura Pemberton said: "First of all I want to say that we were a loving family and words cannot express how I feel or how much I miss them.

"I want to make clear the following: my parents' marriage had been in difficulty for a number of years.

"My father moved out of the house following a court injunction after he threatened to kill my mother. This was over a year ago."

A packed memorial service attended by family and friends was held in a Roman Catholic church in Newbury on Thursday for the Pembertons.

Nicksie · 06/02/2004 13:23

Message withdrawn

willow2 · 06/02/2004 13:44

I don't wish to start another arguement, but I have to say that I doubt very much that aloha feels she has a monopoly on the truth. As for God, I suppose it depends on whether or not you believe.

pie · 06/02/2004 13:44

Not sure you should be bringing God into this. I fo one am not a Christian.

willow2 · 06/02/2004 13:46

Forgot to add that, as a non-believer, I feel I am still able to judge right from wrong - and what these men did was so very wrong.

kiwisbird · 06/02/2004 13:50

Truth is entirely subjective depending on who and what you are and who or what you believe in, certainly for me, god himself does not provide my life with any guidance or truth. I'm sure he's a lovely guy though all in all.
We are not I think racing to wrong conclusions here, it is emotive and there can be no excuse for the resulting horrific crime, that doesn't stop us trying to understand why it happened, this is paramount to stop it happening again, from bitter experience I know leaving violent partner is the most dangerous part of the relationship, I still now worry about my surname and lcoation being on the internet and him finding me or my son (not his)

Twinkie · 06/02/2004 14:17

Specific cases or non specific cases Nicksie Tom was IMO jumping on a bandwagon of Fathers Rights - and this thread was not the place to do that - there is no excuse for what that man did.

Maybe your mother was afraid to leave your father Nicksie - not just afraid for herself but for you too - who knows what he had said to her - Aloha was right by the way what these men have done is the final act of control.

Nicksie · 06/02/2004 14:20

Message withdrawn

elena2 · 06/02/2004 14:46

Nicksie, in answer to your statement:

"It is interesting that you advocate fathers being kept away from their kids for abusing the mother."

Damn right they should be kept away from their kids. As it stated in the article CD put a link to, what sort of role models are these violent, abusive men to their children?

I also dislike the tone of your posts, where you make statements such as

"I also think that some women are unfortunately more susceptible to violent and controlling men, perhaps by way of having generous and forgiving natures."

That is implying it is somehow the womans fault she is being abused. Absolute bullsh*t.
It doesn't matter what your personality is like, ANY woman can be a victim of abuse if she is with a twisted, violent, controlling guy. She stays because she loves him, not because she has some personality weakness.

Twinkie · 06/02/2004 14:50

maybe its not love but fear that keeps her with him Elena.

elena2 · 06/02/2004 14:51

Good point Twinkie.

fakename · 06/02/2004 15:00

I think Nicksie may be familiar to most of us already.

If not you are very reminiscent of someone who used to Post round these parts a while ago.

I apologise if I am wrong.

Fizog · 06/02/2004 15:07

Fakename - I think I know who you mean.

CountessDracula · 06/02/2004 15:08

Me too!

Twinkie · 06/02/2004 15:11

Oh god is it that Nick are you sure??

I don't think so.

Fizog · 06/02/2004 15:11

I thought it the other day but thought I was probably the only one. Glad I'm not

Nicksie · 06/02/2004 15:12

Message withdrawn