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Original poster

should we go for number 3?

35 replies

changedmynametosaveface · 24/04/2006 15:18

I have been feeling broody for a while now .I have 2 children aged 6 and 2 already and felt that I would love to be pregnant one last time.
Dh has been very anti the idea, citing finances,space,our sex life(!) all as reasons not to have another.
This weekend we had another talk about it and he agreed that we could have another child.
Now he has come on board, I don't know what to do! I need to lose weight before i can get pregnant,sort the house out,learn to drive etc etc.
Now i have the opportunity-i feel scared.
However i can't believe that this is it and our family is complete.
I am in such a muddle.Any advice from anyone at all?

OP posts:
TwiglettTheWereHedgehog · 24/04/2006 15:27

as soon as DH changed his mind and said OK to number 3 I realised I really didn't want another one .. thank you very much (although final decision not to be made until august)

just cos he's said yes you don't need to do anything immediately .. see how you feel in a couple of months

bogwobbit · 24/04/2006 15:28

How old are you? Not being nosy (honest) but are you young enough to put it off for a while and think about it / do all the things you want to?

secur · 24/04/2006 15:30

Is he good to talk to?

Could you sit down and talk through all your worries with him (or a close friend?) and try to get them straight in your head. It is commom to "want what you can't have" so maybe you need some time to reflect on this and what other things you could want in order to make the family you have complete - maybe it isn't a baby you want but something else?

JoolsToo · 24/04/2006 15:31

you'd love to be pregnant one last time? is being pregnant you like?

3 kids are hard work, only do it if you really, really want to not because it means the end of a chapter.

Original poster
changedmynametosaveface · 24/04/2006 15:31

i said to him that we could maybe start trying in the summer time-then would have a spring baby.ds2 is a summer baby and i can't face being nine months preg in august again.
the thing is all his reasons are good reasons.we don't have much money and our house is a bit small for 3 kids,we'd never be able to go abroad on holiday( and i love my holidays!)

but ...a baby!

OP posts:
Original poster
changedmynametosaveface · 24/04/2006 15:34

i'm nearly 34 so i feel that if i'm going to do it, i have to do it soon.
dh is brilliant to talk to-he's just great, but he is as muddled as me!
i do love being pregnant jools but that's not the only reason.

OP posts:
secur · 24/04/2006 15:36
Grin

I know that feeling - even now (after 4 and with no partner on the horizon!) I still think - ahh they are lovely, the other day I was in tears thinking about my boy starting school (I only have 1 boy) - he is not starting for nearly a year, but it seems so close!

However I have decided that I am not having any more I won't Grin

Good luck with whatever you decide Smile

bogwobbit · 24/04/2006 15:36

How gutted would you be if you didn't have another baby....ever.
It was thinking about that that made me decide to have my last one.
And 34 isn't old....you're just a bairn :)

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 24/04/2006 15:38

can I just say that this isn't me...

JoolsToo · 24/04/2006 15:42

why hat have you been thinking of having a 3rd?
I haven't any idea who it is!

Clary · 24/04/2006 15:43

Ahh good post from bogwobbit.
If you thought right, that's it, no more, how would you feel?
I was sad that ds2 was my last (no 3 baby) when he was little, but now that he's 3 I'm fine with it actually.
If yr second child is 2 you are leaving the baby stage. Do you want to return to it? (I certainly did a third time but that was all).
Agree 34 not old, I was 35 when ds1 was born!
I'm 42 now, now that is too old lol.

Original poster
changedmynametosaveface · 24/04/2006 15:47

no more babies ever? quite gutted i think.

i love the two i've got and they are SO good together!
went to see a friend the other day who has a 6 m/o and they were so sweet with her.realise it would be different when the baby was there all the time and crying and eating mum all the time but still.

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Original poster
changedmynametosaveface · 24/04/2006 15:48

and clary-i love the baby stage! i love them being tiny and helpless and am quite sad that i've had to pack away my sling !

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beckybrastraps · 24/04/2006 15:49

I'm sort of in the same boat. Except I don't want to be pregnant again - just have the baby! I just don't know what to do, and I'm older than you...

Original poster
changedmynametosaveface · 24/04/2006 15:52

becky-i'll get pregnant and have the baby for the first year then pass it to you.how does that sound?

Grin
OP posts:
beckybrastraps · 24/04/2006 15:53

Just make sure it's sleeping through the night by then... Grin

Original poster
changedmynametosaveface · 24/04/2006 15:54

oh by a year!!!?? of course! my babies were all sleeping through much much earlier than that!

i'm not joking either!

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beckybrastraps · 24/04/2006 15:56

Well, you are obviously much more cut out for it than I am. The sleeples nights are one of my big arguments against.

mcmudda · 24/04/2006 15:58

I'm trying to wrack my brains for all the positives of having a third so I can bombard dh with them. We've said we won't even discuss having a third until dd is 1 (that's 2 months away).

I just look at the four of us as a family and feel that there's one missing. I can't really explain it more than that. If I have the 2 children and we're all having lunch or something I very often expect another one to come running in the kitchen.

Cons of a third are needing a bigger car, one would have to share a bedroom and the expense of a fifth person in the house. Although breastfeeding, using real nappies and already having a boy and a girl would cut down some expenses. I guess the real money is needed when they start school.

So what are the pros of having more than two??

Original poster
changedmynametosaveface · 24/04/2006 15:59

the sleepless nights don't enter into the argument for me.yes it's hard but you get through it.
for me it's money,space,time as a couple and the immediate aftermath.i found feeding very hard to get established with both children-for me not them.lots of sore boobs and crying.i'm wary of going through that again.

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Original poster
changedmynametosaveface · 24/04/2006 16:02

if i could win the lottery and def have enough money for education,holidays,shoes,a biiger car and a bigger house and a live in b/f counsellor then i would go for it tomorrow!
well not tomorrow because i need to lose weight first!

OP posts:
Olihan · 24/04/2006 16:31

I know what you mean, I'm like mcmudda, I just couldn't shake the feeling that I should have 3 children. The whole time I was pregnant with DD I didn't feel like it was my last pregnancy.

My mother constantly goes on about the extra work and expense and everything else but i just feel that 3 is right for me.

I'm now 5 wks pg with #3 and am veering between excitement and blind panic Grin and I'm happy that my family will be complete after this.

But at the end of the day, if it's a joint decision with your dh and it's something that you both feel is right for you, then do it. All the logistics etc will work themselves out and you'll make the best of what you've got with the number of children you've have IYSWIM.

mcmudda · 24/04/2006 16:47

Congratulations Olihan Smile I suppose the fact that I'm wishing that was me is a bit of a giveaway that I'd really like three.

Original poster
changedmynametosaveface · 24/04/2006 16:59

i wish i could pregnant by accident.Then i wouldn't have to think about it-the decision would be taken out of my hands.
But i've always been a belt and braces girl.if we have sex without contraception, then we are trying for a baby. dyswim? we don't get 'carried away'...we are very sensible!
my mum says i shouldn't have another and my dh's mum says i should.when i told her dh didn't want another she said i should get him drunkShock!!!Grin

OP posts:
dinosaure · 24/04/2006 17:09

I have three, and I love it. I didn't feel my family was complete at two, but I do now.

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