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Original poster

The 'No shit sherlock' MN all round guide to raising kids....your hints please?

50 replies

Blandmum · 19/04/2006 12:52

This is food, not a plaything, eat it! (TM Twiglett)

Do your homework, and if you don't I will not sign a note saying the dog ate it.

OP posts:
waterfalls · 19/04/2006 12:55

When I put you in bed at night, it is time to sleep, when I open the door in the morning, it is time to get up, I dont want to see or hear you between these timesGrin

waterfalls · 19/04/2006 12:56

When I am on MN....................LEAVE ME ALONE AND STOP WHINING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Grin

Original poster
Blandmum · 19/04/2006 12:57

They are both the same ffs, who cares which one you have.

OP posts:
dublindee · 19/04/2006 12:57

When you are placed on the changing table and mummy is taking your nappy off this is NOT your cue to attempt somersaults or wriggle about the place.

It is your cue, however, to co-operate and lie still so you can get a clean bum!

waterfalls · 19/04/2006 12:59

I spent the first 2 years teaching you to walk and talk...................now its time to shut up and sit downGrin

crunchie · 19/04/2006 12:59

LIFE IS NOT FAIR - Deal with it!!! :o

BTW you can tell how old our children are can't you !!

waterfalls · 19/04/2006 12:59

When you were a baby, you were so cute I could of ate you...............now I wished I hadGrin

MadameDeMars · 19/04/2006 13:01

Why should you do what I say? Because it's my turn! When I was a child it was my mum's turn. When you have children it will be your turn!

secur · 19/04/2006 13:02

You are all wonderful and indeed are the centre of my universe, however you are not my entire universe (and there is only 1 tv program a week that I want to watch....it's not asking to much is it..?)

LadyTophamHatt · 19/04/2006 13:03

When you lie I know.
Do not lie again to say you didn't lie because I know.
When you lie about lieing it's all one big lie so DON'T DO IT!!

LadyTophamHatt · 19/04/2006 13:04

mars...I love that one.

eidsvold · 19/04/2006 13:05

when you are told to STOP! DO IT do not keep running away.

If you keep trying to climb things - you will fall and hurt your head.

MrsBigD · 19/04/2006 13:06

crisps do NOT go into the DVD player! I don't care if they fit and make a fun noise when the drawer closes!

variaton on dublindee...
when I prepare a fresh nappy and take your nappy off is not a cue to jump up in lightning speed and to play hide & seek whilst 'watering' the carpet'

variation on crunchie...
'NOT FAIR'... 'get used to it'
age could be anything from 4 (dd) to 14 Grin

waterfalls · 19/04/2006 13:07

No, you cant stand in the garden gazing at the moon all evening, because its bloody cold and I want to watch Eastenders!!

nailpolish · 19/04/2006 13:23

no, you cant go to playgroup wearing just a pair of pants and mummys bra, youll freeze to death for one thing

shimmy21 · 19/04/2006 13:28

Just because you don't think you need a wee now, it doesn't mean that you wont need one exactly five minutes after we leave the house.

So just do one instead of arguing.

edam · 19/04/2006 13:30

I'm afraid the bin men are supposed to take the rubbish away. Doesn't matter how much you wail 'they've got my 'cycling'.... it's still going.

MadameDeMars · 19/04/2006 13:30

I must say that my favourite is one that my mum still uses now........

Stop the coming and come!!!!!

edam · 19/04/2006 13:32

Oh, and when you've filled your nappy, there's no point denying it. I can smell it!

joelalie · 19/04/2006 13:36

Do as I say not as I do.... unless I'm being remarkably well-behaved.

When mummy says not to eat bits of raw chilli from the kitchen work top it is best to do as she says. Sometimes she tells you things for your own good as well as her own convenience.

If you want my attention please come and find me. Do not bellow at me from the other side of the house. I, on the other hand am allowed to do that because I’m your mother.

You have learned the important lesson that whatever Daddy says has to be double-checked by me. But, for the sake of domestic harmony, don’t let him catch you doing it.

If you want consistency, buy a carton of custard.

The answer is “because I say so”.

And whatever you think now, you will end up saying, doing and thinking exactly the same when you have children. ……………No, you will. Beleive me.

And yes I love you. More than anything else in the whole world. And I will do anything for you....apart from making any more bl**dy playdo right now.

Mercy · 19/04/2006 13:37

joelalie - absolutely spot on Grin

Tortington · 19/04/2006 14:07

dont feed yer kids inbetween meals then bitch about how they wont eat

when they are naughty punish them
when they are good reward them
love them and kiss them every day
have a bedtime routine
dont show your fears ( spiders etc) the irrationality will rub off to your children.
you are allowed to be your own person
you are still allowed a life of your own
your allowed to be deprssed
your not supposed to be a perfect mother
do what ever it takes to get through the day
nowt wrong with bottle feeding
nowt wrong with sausage roll in a pram
dont make life hard
marry someone wwith money

Rhubarb · 19/04/2006 14:12

Don't compare your kids to others.
Don't waste money on designer gear.
Don't be afraid to make mistakes in front of your kids.
Don't buy them every toy imaginable and then complain that they have no imagination.
Don't spend your day ignoring them and then complain as to how whingy they are.

Do smile at your kids and tell them how beautiful/clever they are every day.

Tortington · 19/04/2006 14:33

toddlers touch things - if its valuable move it you idiot

Tortington · 19/04/2006 14:35

kids get dirty.

thats what the washing machine and bath are for

and my piesta la resistance( whatever)

your child will not melt in rain