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Original poster

Going to womens aid tomorrow

87 replies

CKMUM · 11/04/2006 18:48

I tried to leave him before and didn't manage it. I've now arranged to go to a refuge tomorrow. Hope Iget to the station without him following me. Wish me luck. I am in a real state; I am so scared, he will be so angry if he finds me trying to leave

OP posts:
waterfalls · 12/04/2006 12:06

CKMUM
Please call the police, you have come this far, dont let the swine back you into a corner, do whatever you have to do to get you and the kids safely away.

foundintranslation · 12/04/2006 12:20

Please call the police.

I'm not rolling in clothes myself, but I do have some size 10 stuff I'll never fit into again. Towels. Nice shower gel. A spare Ladyshave. Stuff like that. It's all yours if you need it. Will check thread again this evening.

BettySpaghetti · 12/04/2006 12:32

Do you have a friend you will keep in contact with who would take some of your stuff to store until its safe/convenient for her to get it to you?

Also would your local Womens Aid take some of your stuff and get it forwarded to you somehow? Or the Police Domestic Violence Unit?

Good luck

Nightynight · 12/04/2006 13:19

good luck CKMUM. Am crossing my fingers for you getting out safely.

jambuttie · 12/04/2006 13:45

hope you are ok and got out safely today hun

Charlene1 · 12/04/2006 14:57

CK, if you read this in time, I left a violent boyfriend, (didn't have kids then), and I went back to get my stuff. They were great and sat outside whilst I got my stuff, but I couldn't get everything - they even put stuff in their panda car as well as my dad's, although they weren't supposed to. If you ring your local dv unit, they will send someone to stand guard whilst you leave if you ask them. Also women's aid will send a taxi (usually a big black cab or minibus to get your stuff in if you have to go in a hurry and haven't got transport) - they will pay. They told me if I needed to go into hiding after I left him, they would help me - they also suggested before I left him, to get as much stuff out in bits as possible to keep at a friends house/self storage etc. that he wouldn't notice e.g clothes, paperwork sentimental things etc. Could you get a "man & a van" company to take your stuff to the refuge/self storage/lock up garage - I think storage is about £8 pw for one unit. Well done for getting this far, I hope it works out for you and the kids.
Can the police arrest him for getting in your house? I assume it's yours and not his? You can get an emergency injunction on him too - I don't think it costs anything - hopefully they'll bang him up for threatening you and you can leave whilst he's in jail. Women's Aid can help you plan an escape down to the minute if you have to, and help you change your identity if you have to. One thing to watch for, if you keep your names - make sure you don't go on the public bit of the electoral roll - think the normal bit should be ok - and make sure you're ex directory etc. Depending on where he works/who he is, he could access your credit file by lying to experian etc and the electoral roll people to get it and trace you that way. Things like benefit forms/csa/council tax etc. will be asking for prev add / kid's father etc. and things. Don't want to scare you, but if you don't think of these things, then you may end up moving around forever. It only takes one idiot at these places to give out your address without thinking of data protection etc. I googled my own name and found my old work details on there, through the company website - name, position, work phone no, work address etc. My ex could have got me outside work at any time - luckily he didn't know how to use the net at the time. I'm also on the internet electoral roll site for an old address - it takes time to have it removed if you ask. (I read your other thread and I don't want to patronise you, as I'm sure you've thought of all this before, but in case you hadn't, I felt I had to mention it). Good luck!

Original poster
CKMUM · 12/04/2006 15:42

you are all so kind thanks so much for your support

charlene1, you mentioned CSA, that shouldn't be a problem did you see my other threa, I opted out of child maintenance but apparently didn't have good reason to do do so so now just get 9 pounds a week.

I haven't managed to get anywhere yet. Have now lost the place I was going to, got to sort something else out now

OP posts:
tortoise · 12/04/2006 16:53

Im so sorry to see you havent got out today.Been thinking of you today.Have you got anyone who can help you?

Caligula · 12/04/2006 16:56

Sad Oh CKmum, so sorry you haven't made it out yet. Get the police involved so that IS can't cut your benefit like this.

Kelly1978 · 12/04/2006 16:59

can't womand aid get u a place in another refuge? Also, they should pay for a taxi, not let you struggle with three trains! I went to one in 2002, and have now built a new life. Well done on gettign this far, don't give up.

Kelly1978 · 12/04/2006 17:01

oh and regardign the csa, once you get in a refuge, you can tell them about that and appeal. I got good cause easily after I left my violent exh.

Charlene1 · 12/04/2006 17:18

Don't know if this is an option and probably a mad idea, but if you could afford it, could you not rent a caravan for a couple of weeks on a cheap park in wales? If refuges and b&b's charge you rent, it could work out cheaper. Not sure if you'd get HB to cover it, someone on here might know, but I know homeless people can claim rent for living in a "mobile home" on someones land, so I suppose it's the same. Also, it might make it easier on the kids, as they might think they were on a long holiday until you get housing sorted. Women's aid would still help you with things even if you're not in a refuge.

PutAPeachyInYourSimnelCake · 12/04/2006 18:00

ckMum- I'm in Wales and if there's anything I can do to help or can loan, please do let me know. Wishing you all the best- you are a brave person.

lionhearted · 12/04/2006 20:46

Hope you are o.k.

bump (for obvious reasons).

Original poster
CKMUM · 13/04/2006 08:32

I don't know what part of wales you are in putapeachin mysimnelcake so not sure if you can help or not but thank you

OP posts:
ggglimpopo · 13/04/2006 08:32

Who have you got supporting you, CKmum?

Original poster
CKMUM · 13/04/2006 08:35

nobody at the moment

OP posts:
ggglimpopo · 13/04/2006 08:39

What about the local domestic violence team or womens aid or someone? Is there anything we can do? What about your health visitor - does she know of any support for you. You should not be doing this by yourself.

Original poster
CKMUM · 13/04/2006 08:56

my health visitor is awful and have had mixed responses from the police. DV unit very hrd to get hold of and don'r treturn messages but very good when you can speak to them

OP posts:
jambuttie · 13/04/2006 09:31

hoping today goes better for you hun and you get away safely with your kids.

have you contacted womans aid today?

my sil has been through exactly the same and initially it was hard for her, now though she helps out within DV and has been nominated for an award for all her efforts that she has put into helping woman who have been in the same situation as herself.

We are in Scotland though I am sure she would talk to you if you need it

beetroot · 13/04/2006 09:54

there a alot of people on here who will help if they can. I am happy to pick you up from somewhere if you are going south west and can take you all or part of the journey.

Call the dv people again and keep on going until you speak to them Don't bother leaving messages if they don't call back.

Kelly1978 · 13/04/2006 11:17

If you don't necessarily need a refuge, but a bolthole anywhere you can go to the council and tell them that you and the kids have nowhere to sleep tonight and they have to find you emergancy housing. They offered me this, but it's usually a hotel or B&B and I wanted a refuge, and was lucky there was a space.

PutAPeachyInYourSimnelCake · 13/04/2006 11:29

I'm near Newport

acnebride · 13/04/2006 11:37

I'm in Oxford. If there's anything I can do just say. Thinking of you in the meantime.

Original poster
CKMUM · 13/04/2006 17:47

can't go anywhere now. Children have chicken pox!

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