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Original poster

peopl.e comments on having one of each sex/two or more of the same etc?

49 replies

myermay · 11/04/2006 11:45

Sorry need to spout! i've got two boys and get sick of people saying,
would you like anymore?
i say yes, but not yet, want to enjoy these whilst they are so young
they then say, well it's be nice to have a girl!

arghhhh, i get so cross, people obviously don't think b4 they speak and too me (perhaps i'm being to sensitive), it makes me feel like my boys aren't as wonderful as what girls are.

I recently found out that a friend has just had a boy (she already has a girl), told a relative and they said, oh how lovely to have one of each. I'm one of 4 girls and so far i've got 2 boys and so has my sister and already i've got my mum & grandmother saying, wouldn't it be nice to have a girl in the family! ffs, you've had 4 girls, you'd think they'd be exstatic about having lots of boy around.

I also had a friend recently say that she didn't want anymore kids as she has one of each, but could understant why i might want more as i've got 2 boys, and could try for a girl. Yes, i'd like a girl but something equally appeals to having 3 boys.

Don't know if this knarks me so much because i would like a girl but just so i can buy pink clothes and hopefully have that mother/daughter realtionship that i've got with my mum. But boys can be equally close to their mums can't they?

Sorry to ramble, i just get sick of it and think that i'm lucky to even be able to have kids.

Anyone have any tips to shut these people up?

OP posts:
coppertop · 11/04/2006 11:54

IME nothing ever shuts them up! It doesn't matter how many times you say "I'd be just as happy with another boy" they still think you are kidding yourself.

I had 2 boys already when I became pregnant for the third time. Apart from the usual "I bet you want a girl this time" I also heard "Your ds2 should've been a girl. He's far too pretty to be a boy!" WTF??!

Hausfrau · 11/04/2006 11:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KTeePee · 11/04/2006 12:05

And if you have one of each, people can't understand why you would want a third child and assume it must have been a "mistake"

awayfromhome · 11/04/2006 12:13

I am currently pregnant with no2. I have 1 dd and already have had comments from the in-laws about them wanting a boy!! and other people saying you must want a boy etc etc... Drives me mad - Just want a healthy baby boy or girl don't mind. I think that people just feel the need to put their two pence worth in sometimes - frankly just wish they'd shut up!!

GDG · 11/04/2006 12:14

My SIL asked if I was going to 'try for a girl' this weekend - I've got 3 boys, she's got 2 girls. The answer is no - and with 3 boys already, tbh I'd rather have a 4th boy than a girl now (but not happening anyway!)

brimfull · 11/04/2006 12:23

Three boys is lovely ,I always think of how my three brothers are such good friends in adulthood.
My mum had two boys ,then me and was bombarded with people saying "oh you've got your girl now ,so you'll stop won't you!"
She found it so insulting to the 2nd boy that she had another baby(a boy thank god!) to stop people and boy number two thinking he wasn't wanted.

I have a dd and a ds 11 yrs apart,when I told my neighbour I was having my long awaited second baby and it was a boy she said "oh dear ..a boy ,never mind " I was so shocked I forgot to punch her in the gob!

Don't know what the smart reply is to these insensitive remarks,perhaps ignoring it !

Twiglett · 11/04/2006 12:25

you can't win either way you know

I have a boy and a girl

and I get

why do you want another you already have one of each
ahhh gentleman's family (wtf?)

Elsbelles · 11/04/2006 12:31

No tips to shut them up I'm afraid - but I can definitely sympathise.

I had four daughters from my first marriage, and some people actually commiserated with me! The 'never mind' comments started when I had my second daughter, and no matter how many times I said I didn't mind, people didn't believe me.

When I remarried and got pregnant again I lost count of the number of people saying they hoped I would have a boy this time for my parents!

Some people really are just sad cases best ignored.

Btw, I did have a boy, but a little girl would have been just as welcome Smile

Charlene1 · 11/04/2006 12:59

Drove me mad when I was pg with dd too. Everyone saying "oh you've got a boy, you don't want another one". When dd was born "oh good, you don't need to have any more". Now I get, "when are you having any more", "don't get pregnant again you might have twins" and "you've got enough on your plate with 2 already". Also "do you want a boy or girl? Oh well as long as it's healthy". I think that is horrendous, as if to say "you don't want one with problems". I just say now I'd like 6 - 3 of each so they've always got someone of the same sex to play with if they fall out - really does shut them up, they don't know if I'm being serious or sarky. Has worked every time so far :o

NotAnOtter · 11/04/2006 13:02

I am one of four girls and have fourboys and a girl. The comment s drive me nuts. The sad 'sorry for me' faces make me want to weep ahen i proudly show off my fourth boy. i think the world is full of perfectionists and idealists and if you dont conform!

Original poster
myermay · 11/04/2006 20:04

thank you all for this, makes me feel better! i sometimes think that people feel they need to comment and just don't think!

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 11/04/2006 20:09

Ummm - honestly don't know why you let it bother you. People just make small talk - they don't mean anything by it.

Original poster
myermay · 11/04/2006 20:12

then why say it? i just needed to vent and ask others how they dealt with it, that's why i posted it

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 11/04/2006 20:14

Eh?

What me 'why say it'?

or they 'why say it'?

Original poster
myermay · 11/04/2006 20:20

them, why say it - it just seems odd, i think. Perhaps, as i said, if i'm honest i wld also like a girl and it hurts when people make thoughtless comments.

OP posts:
NotAnOtter · 11/04/2006 20:20

Tell me about it

cataloguequeen · 11/04/2006 20:21

myermay, it's the same if you have 2 girls..when's the next one ?..wouldn't you like a son? I think theres even more pressure on my dh than on me sometimes, but he loves his dds he says you never lose a daughter and you've got first dibs on the grand children Grin

Don't let it bother you!Wink

Original poster
myermay · 11/04/2006 20:23

no, i won't let it bother me anymore, must rise above it Smile

OP posts:
bubble99 · 11/04/2006 20:37

myermay, I've got three boys and my youngest son had a twin brother who died during labour last year due to a monumental f**k up by the hospital (not contested, BTW, I've got the lawyers to prove it)

I'm now 11 weeks pregnant and also get the 'Oooh! I bet you want a girl this time' comments. I know these comments are not made to hurt me but sometimes, just sometimes, I reply by telling them that my perfectly healthy baby boy died last year and I would feel blessed to have another son, thankyou very much.

Yorkiegirl · 11/04/2006 20:40

like bubble said. A healthy baby is more precious than a baby of a particular sex.
Gets me when people ask if we are going to try for a boy. My 2 DDs are my world. DH wants no. 3 and another DD would be just perfect. As would a DS.

Eulalia · 11/04/2006 20:42

bubble :(

I had a boy then a girl and yes had all the stupid comments about a gentleman's family. Got pg 3rd time and many people asked if it was a mistake because I already had 'one of each'.

thirtysomething · 11/04/2006 21:17

The only thing my Mum and my MIL have ever agreed on is that I was very "clever" having a boy and a girl, like I had anything to do with it! They also implied that I could stop having babies after that! These are two relatively rational people normally, but it made me completely mad and determined to have quintuplets or something to shut them up (didn't happen tho...)

eidsvold · 11/04/2006 21:42

tell them to mind their own business. You adore your two boys and your family is just fine.

Rach69 · 11/04/2006 21:52

There was once a great thread on MN entitled 'stupid things people say to you when you are pregnant' and this was certainly one of them - I was well fed up with it when I had two boys, I did then have a girl but it was nothing I did! I now have 3 boys and a girl and feel utterly blessed. Depending on who it is I would either humour them (aged relatives) say I'm just glad they are healthy (nosy strangers) or blame their father's chromosones (his family!!!)

tallulah · 12/04/2006 17:21

This was one of my bugbears too. With the first one MIL was desperate for a gdd after 3 ds's and 3 gds's so she went on and on "you'll have to have a girl". Number 2 I got all the comments about wanting a boy- actually I wanted another girl. Once he was born everyone decided that as we had one of each we "didn't need to have any more" !

With DS2 I got "it doesn't matter what you have" from everyone, then with DS3 we were back to "I expect you want a girl this time?" (after the "what on earth are you having another one for?")

(It stops once the kids get into their teens Grin )