INTROVERTS THREAD ...shhhh, we're over here

[NorksAreMessy]

Hello fellow introverts. I hope the last thread exploded due to time since it was started, and not because it was controversial. :o

I started the original thread after reading the wonderful book quiet and realizing that I was not alone.

Lots of people were kind enough to share their thoughts and experiences, and it was a good support for those of us who like being alone; hate parties, especially hen nights; love reading, crafting, walking, painting, creating; enjoy solitude; need some recovery time after being in a crowd; prefer thought to action.

We are not necessarily shy, we can be confident and even outspoken, but we are at our happiest having a bit of a think on our own, thanks all the same

It's a bit odd to have a group of introverts, but I prefer to think of us as a collective. Separate but together.

As Christmas approaches, I thought we might need a thread to help us through it all

Thanks seagulls, feeling relieved now.

Have a , I'm just about to have one

Don't worry crushed this isn't a busy thread. It's an opportunity for a quiet read, and a head nod, rather than an urgent reaching out to people.

I've had a it has stopped my streaming nose and sore throat, but has made me very sleepy

Thanks too, greenhill

Sounds rotten, hope you feel better soon.

I've had a couple more since, so feeling pretty much relaxed

I get now that its pretty much a 'dip in, dip out' thread, so speak soon, all of you, and goodnight

By the way, crushed, love the relaxation booth idea. Not that I ever get chance to relax until I get into bed but for people who, say, get a lunch hour at work, it sounds like bliss.

Does this resonate with anyone else because it really does with me:

GreatGooglyMoogly That book looks interesting but just reading that clip makes me feel uncomfortable as I tend to avoid awkward situations so yes, it resonates with me too. I love the relaxation booth idea. Like NorksAreMessy I am a company secretary so I work in a lovely quiet environment and can shut my office door when i need to. Does anyone else find that they attract extrovert partners rather than introverts? Strange as life would be so much easier with an introvert dp.

I'm a bit unsettled today as I had a conversation with my manager and it wasn't great. I only returned from mat leave 2 weeks ago so have spent my time getting to grips with what's going on. There are a lot of changes in upper management and lots of uncertainty. I work in a bank so it's no bed of roses at the moment. Anyway, we had a new team manager start about 6 weeks before I left and she's made a few changes. Lots of processes have altered and also people have left on the team and been replaced so it's not the team I left at all. I'm naturally quiet and after a year of just spending time with my baby and other people that I choose to spend time with, I've got out of work mode so I'm not really chatty and bubbly and wittering on with small talk. I'm just getting my head down and doing work but that's not making my manager happy. I had a one to one today to discuss objectives and she talked in a round-about way about how I need to basically talk more about what I"m doing, not just to her, which is fine, but also to the team as "that's what the team is like now". She did say "I know it's difficult if it doesn't come naturally to you", but basically I need to change to fit in with the team. Why can't I be myself? I work in marketing which is supposed to be a creative area of work and supposedly introverts are more creative so why do I have to jump through hoops to please some people?

shufflehopstep that seems unfair to me. The bank sounds as if it wants the team to be more outward looking which is exactly what you're not. Your creativity comes from your inner world. Maybe try explaining this to your manager. Our marketing team is full of extroverts and while I admit, they do come up with some great ideas, nobody ever seems to think of the consequences like a) they're not allowed due to our code of practice and b) they would blow our budget out of the water and c) the supplier is currently being investigated by trading standards for fraud. when I raise issues like this I'm called a killjoy instead of the voice of reason. Very frusttrating. I would hightlight the things you're good at and explain that all teams need a mix of personalities. Tell your manager about the Belbin Team Roles theory.

Hello friends.
I have discovered a communal introvert activity. Amazing find.

I go to a regular embroidery group, where we chat very calmly at the start then all get our heads down, stitching away.
Nobody apologizes, nobody is too exhausting, we love each others work, but in a gentle way. It is the perfect blend of space and company and contemplation and calm.

I am so glad that this thread is still ambling along in a gentle and happy way and heartily welcome new members

shuffle tha sounds nightmarish...keep talking

hello, how lovely to find somewhere where being quiet and peaceful is nice and normal.

I really feel like I'm running out of things to say in RL, of course if there's no one to talk to, that doesn't matter. even with dh and dd. Does anyone have good ideas on how to expand conversation even a tiny bit, not in a pressurized way of suddenly being someone who chatters endlessly, just a few more strands of conversation to spread across the day.

I watch in amazement at people on buses etc who just talk. and talk. and talk. Where do all their words come from?

amiga hello and welcome.

I know EXACTLY what you mean about chatterers. And husband and wife pairs who talk all the time. I couldn't think of enough things to say. Sometimes I wonder if I should chat more, but outside my work life, I am not a chatterer and luckily, nor is DH

If you listen to other people though, some of it is just stream of consciousness, 'say what you see' type talk. I don't think anyone would e interested in my stream of consciousness. It generally concerns beads or embroidery or arty stuff, so interesting only to a tiny handful of similar nutcases.

I was at a workshop on Wednesday and the other woman at my table said 'I hope you don't think I am being antisocial, I just want to get on with my work'
It was bliss :)

Permission not only granted but positively encouraged.
Your job is to nurture your tiny person and potter and regain your equilibrium.
Your job is NOT to please your mother or provide entertainment for less confident mothers.

if you felt desperately lonely without adult company, then yes, off you go to baby groups. But you aren't, so don't.

Send your mother to me for a talking to!

Ooh can I pop in and sit quietly in the corner?

I find myself worrying about ds (1 today ) and his lack of social interaction because I much prefer just us at home (he is a born potterer, much like myself and his daddy ). We aren't members of any baby groups and see family and friends (some with small children) infrequently.

Do I really need to get "out there" with him?

No you do not!
Potter, cuddle, reflect and enjoy the peace :)

Thanks Norks We've been through so much to get our boy that it seems like I need a year or so to just appreciate the calm.

Having said that, I've been and gone and organised a birthday party for him on Sunday I say organised but all i have so far is bunting It's mostly dh's family, and lovely though they are, they are many! Would it be too rude of me to disappear from time to time to breathe deeply?

Not at all!
In fact as a member of the introverts' club (now THERE is an oxymoron!) you have an absolute DUTY to vanish off to recharge your batteries.
I just wander off into the garden when it all gets a bit much. I don't say where I am going, I don't apologise, I just drift off.

You are doing a kind thing having a party to make lots of other people very happy. You may also do a kind thing for yourself to make it manageable. Hope you enjoy it as well :)

Hi all, been dipping in and out when I have the chance.

Loving this weather, it was great sitting in the garden over the weekend reading a book, while dh pottering about.

Caramel, nothing wrong in just taking yourself off for a little solitude, nothing worse than parties...arrgh

By the way, seagulls, thanks (13th June post). Wish I had the money to start the business up. But its nice to think about it, plan it in my head

I am quietly amazed and delighted to have found some kindred spirits.

Hello mama come and snuggle in our nook,
Pull up a book
Or a crochet hook
:)

Ooh hello, I wondered where this thread had gone (namechanged since last one). Norks, thanks for the book recommendation in your OP, have just downloaded it to kindle and will read when DS and DD allow.

I love the fact that new people are still finding this thread. It's been my little sanctuary since I found it.

Twitchy, I was exactly like you: I wanted to go to groups where you interacted with your child doing something like singing but I dreaded the coffee time afterwards. I used to make up excuses as to why I couldn't stay then I stopped when I realised people didn't actually mind and just used to leave at the end of the session before coffee. Liberty!
My worst one was play gym meet-ups. I have a tolerance level of about an hour for play gyms. I kid you not, I know people who can go to a play gym when it opens at 9.30 and they will be there until they are thrown out at 4.00. I cannot think of many things worse

Ahh. Here you are. I have just returned from America and am in sore need of quiet space. Had to keep hiding in my room to find balance.