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Original poster

STUPID STUPID STUPID HV!!!!!

34 replies

purplemonkeydishwasher · 23/03/2006 11:53

I've finally admitted to myself (and DH) that I feel lousy. Crying lots, very short tempered, finding it all a bit much.
So I went to see my HV to talk about it.
Part of the problem I'm having is everyone questioning me when it comes to DS. HIs sleeping, his nursing, his eating solids, what he wears...etc..etc. I have to justify everything!
Meanwhile in the midst of a 10 minute conversation with the HV I was made to feel that:
a) DS's sleep issues are my fault (he shouldn;t sleep with me, I shouldn't feed him during the night, I should do controlled crying)
b) He should have an eating routine (I BF on demand)
c) He's putting on too much weight (was she joking when she said he should be on a diet?)

So now, rather than feel better I actually feel a whole lot worse.

Someone please tell me that I'm not the worst mom in the world?!!!!

OP posts:
Twiglett · 23/03/2006 11:54

you're a fine mother .. and you're doing everything I did .. and I'm a great mother Grin

HVs are stupid and dangerous .. go and see your GP and tell him you think you have PND .. because that's a hormonal imbalance not a weakness ... and can be helped

I refuse to see HVs

oliveoil · 23/03/2006 11:55

how old is your son?

fuzzywuzzy · 23/03/2006 11:56

your not the worst mom in the world...My firend exclisively bf her little boy till he was six motnhs.....the hv said he was too fatShock, he actually moved up to a different centile line thign... He is now a bonny three 19 month old and nothing wrogn with him.

My neighbours little boy also exclusively bf was also told her boy was puttig on too mcuh weight, so she asked him whether she should just starve him then. Hv shut up at that point, as neighbour is pretty formiddable and would have given hv an earful at the suggestion that she put him on a bottle to get his weight down.

dramaqueen72 · 23/03/2006 11:56

no youre not. your a great mum and i seriously hope your depression affected how you heard the HV comments and she didnt say all that exactly.
how olds your ds?
i co sleep, i bf on demand, my babies all go thro a cute phase of resembling budha.its A GOOD THING. four children here all happy and healthy. see someone else, get the support you deserve rather than feeling blamed. try your gp, or old midwife.
take it easy on yourself.

alexsmum · 23/03/2006 11:58

i breastfed on demand,i co-slept with ds1 until he was 3!!! we was the heaviest, chunkiest child in the world and we too were told by a hv that ' we need to keep oan eye on his weight gain'

he is now the slimmest, brightest, sweetest most confident,6 year old in the world! who goes to sleep in his own bed every night without any fuss.

you are being a good mum!
go and see your gp about the pnd.

katzg · 23/03/2006 11:58

all i will say is HV's Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ignore them you are a great mum!

Original poster
purplemonkeydishwasher · 23/03/2006 12:00

thank you all
DS is 6 months old today in fact!
I know I shouldn't listen, but it's hard when she's not the only one making me feel insecure about my mothiering skills.
I KNOW my DS is happy and healthy. I just wish these negative nellies would see that too!

OP posts:
alexsmum · 23/03/2006 12:01

purplemonkey can i ask what weight he is?

gothicmama · 23/03/2006 12:01

ignore her you are doing fine see GP re PND adn don't worry about baby I co-slept fed on demand etc much to teh horror of HV and refused to do controlled crying if it hadn't been for my mum telling me I was a good mum in teary telephone calls after every meeeting with HV i think i would have cracked up

Original poster
purplemonkeydishwasher · 23/03/2006 12:01

BTW how do you know if it's PND and not just lack of sleep?

OP posts:
alexsmum · 23/03/2006 12:02

you don'tSmile

Original poster
purplemonkeydishwasher · 23/03/2006 12:03

alexmum he was just weighed at 23lbs5oz (was 8lbs14 when he was born) and she measured him as well he;s 70 cm.

OP posts:
gothicmama · 23/03/2006 12:03

we don't but it sounds like it could be so it would be best to get it checked out by the GP to give you peace of mind if it's not and help if it is

Original poster
purplemonkeydishwasher · 23/03/2006 12:04

How do they check? (i know nothing about this!)

OP posts:
alexsmum · 23/03/2006 12:04

so how many weeks old is he?( sorry trying to compare him to ds1)

Original poster
purplemonkeydishwasher · 23/03/2006 12:04

26 weeks

OP posts:
Original poster
purplemonkeydishwasher · 23/03/2006 12:05

he's big. I know he's big. but his dad and I aren't tiny folk.

OP posts:
alexsmum · 23/03/2006 12:06

ok here's for you to compare- at 27 weeks my ds1 was 24lb 8oz.
and now he doesn't have a scrap of flesh on him!

dramaqueen72 · 23/03/2006 12:07

they just listen to you, if its all getting abit much they will understand. they might get you to fill out a questionaire -trick here is to be brutally honest and not, ahem, write what you think you should put!
then you could get further support in the shape of leaflet/books, antidepressants, therapy of many types......whatever. the important thing is holding your hand up and saying i need abit more help.

alexsmum · 23/03/2006 12:08

this is the problem i had pmonkey.
i am 5' 11" and dh is 6' 2". we were never going to have a small child...ever!

and despite ds now being super slim he's still incredibly tall, wearing age 8 clothes and size 2.5 shoes( he's just 6)

Original poster
purplemonkeydishwasher · 23/03/2006 12:08

thank you alexsmum! Grin
all the babies round here are tiny which makes him look like a giant! It's good to know that he;s not a freak (like people make him out to be!!)

OP posts:
gothicmama · 23/03/2006 12:09

not to sure how tehy check but presume GP will ask you questions and find out that way. My dd was always underweight according to HV nad this made me feel very down when I went to see GP just talking about how she made me feel and having him check baby made me feel alot better

alexsmum · 23/03/2006 12:09

no he's not a freak- he's a lovely strapping boy! which is what you want really!

Original poster
purplemonkeydishwasher · 23/03/2006 12:11

Ironically I was with the GP right before I saw the HV. He commented on how happy and heathly DS is. ANd how a big appetite is good.
Now why can't I concentrate on THAT rather than the negative stuff?

OP posts:
alexsmum · 23/03/2006 12:12

because this is what we all do!!!

and we shouldn't !