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Original poster

Not sure where to put this... it seems i can't have any more children.

29 replies

CHICagoMUM · 22/03/2006 20:37

I'm not pregnant or currently ttc, but ultimately wanted 3 children. I currently have 2 but dh suffers from psoriasis, which he has tried several treatments for. It is really bad (and painful atm) and he saw a specialist today who said he needs to enter the next stage of treatment which involves either oral or I.M. medication and means he can't contemplate attempting to concieve whilst on the medication or for at least 6-12 months after coming of it.

Now I'm by no means ancient but would need to concieve sooner rather than later. I am in the postition now where dh wants me to make the decision about wether or not he starts the medication now or when?

I feel I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place - I don't want him to suffer with this but I don't feel ready to say goodbye to having another child.

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 22/03/2006 20:38

Ask him to bank some sperm?

WideWebWitch · 22/03/2006 20:38

Could you get pregnant now? Would it suit you both? Sounds like the answer to me.

Pruni · 22/03/2006 20:39

What if you went for it a.s.a.p.?

Original poster
CHICagoMUM · 22/03/2006 20:41

Now is not great tbh would need to do the folic acid (obviously) plus we are in the throws of putting our house on the market and moving to the next county. I guess we could bank sperm but would prefer not to go down that route (is it a good sucess rate?)

OP posts:
Hattie05 · 22/03/2006 20:41

I would see it as fate telling you to have your third child now - it seems your dh is happy to delay treatment until you have conceived?

Pruni · 22/03/2006 20:43

Folic acid is a fallback in our culture.
I always think there's never an ideal time to get pg.
Something will always get in the way.

Hattie05 · 22/03/2006 20:44

many (including myself) fall pg without planning and therefore didn't start folic acid until 4 wks. i know this is not ideal but it happens.

No time is ever 'perfect' to have a child. For your situation with husband, now is the only perfect time. It is possible to cope with a move and a pregnancy/newborn. If its what you want.

Is this very recent news for you r.e. husbands treatment? If it is, give yourself a few days for it to really sink in and then see how you feel.

If you keep talking yourself out of it, then go with that instinct and tell him to start the treatment.

starlover · 22/03/2006 20:45

i think it sounds an ok time to have another one... in terms of moving house etc... it means that you'd know how many bedrooms you need if ntohing else! lol

what else puts you off doing it now?

Original poster
CHICagoMUM · 22/03/2006 20:45

The other option is to get him on the treatment now for approx. 2 years then a year off the medication then (try to) concieve (putting me at 37). I guess that is feasible. I just never expected such external factors would dictate when/if I had children and how many.

OP posts:
Original poster
CHICagoMUM · 22/03/2006 20:47

Hattie05 the news is about 1 and a 1/2 hours old.

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 22/03/2006 20:47

Oh gawd, you're a spring chicken! I still think you should go for it, it could take months to get pregnant.

Original poster
CHICagoMUM · 22/03/2006 20:50

I know I'm not in the "peak" to be getting pregnant - i.e. no folic acid, a litle over weight etc etc and would like the chance to detox and prime my body ( especially as I had a couple of scares with both previous pregnancies and with what my sister is currently going through with hers (another thread entirely).)

OP posts:
bubble99 · 22/03/2006 20:51

Hello, CM. X Smile

This is a lot to take in and you obviously need to sleep on it. I agree that no time is the right time, but if you know you want to have another child, then go for it.

Original poster
CHICagoMUM · 22/03/2006 20:52

Bubble {grin} , how are you doing?

OP posts:
Hattie05 · 22/03/2006 20:53

Wait till the news is at least 24 hours old and then think about it Wink

yomellamoHelly · 22/03/2006 20:54

Is there anyway you can get away for some time to think? I think in your heart you probably already know what the answer is.
When I was told I shouldn't have any more children it really made me realise that I defnitely wanted more than one - whereas beforehand I would have said that I didn't have any strong opinions either way.
Friends said to me "oh well at least you have one", but I knew that wasn't the answer for me and pursued second opinions etc.
Hope you find your answer.

Original poster
CHICagoMUM · 22/03/2006 20:55

www it has never (up until now) taken me more than 5 minutes to get pregnant ifswim. Blush .

OP posts:
Pruni · 22/03/2006 20:56

So where did your thread title come from? (I ask as someone who may not be able to have any more children.)

bubble99 · 22/03/2006 20:56

See you in five minutes then, for a BFP. Grin

Original poster
CHICagoMUM · 22/03/2006 21:04

Pruni, I didn't mean to post to offend anyone (perhaps I phrased the title incorrectly). I meant by not being able to have any more as if dh goes on this treatment we aren't allowed (for serious medical reasons to an unborn child) to attempt to concieve and ca't for at least 6-12 months after he comes of the medication (if he ever actually does). So all in all if he starts this treatment that is the end of us extending our family.

I realise that as I have 2 happy/healthy children I am very blessed and lucky ( and believe me I know that) but my desire to have a 3rd should not be any less important.

OP posts:
Original poster
CHICagoMUM · 22/03/2006 21:09

And in addition, this is why I didn't put this thread in conception etc type areas (as I realise for a lot of people my problem is one they would probably be "pleased" to be contemplating).

OP posts:
Dottydot · 22/03/2006 21:12

Hi,
It's difficult when you get news that throws you off course isn't it? Maybe you need to think about it all for a few days, let it settle in and then maybe plan a course of action - maybe your dh could defer treatment for 3 months while you TTC - if it's not taken long before hopefully it would happen quickly again? How does dh feel about it - is he as keen to have another baby? I think if he feels the same and can manage for a while longer maybe have a go at TTC for a few months?

WharfRat · 22/03/2006 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

noddyholder · 22/03/2006 21:18

Is it immunosuppression for the psoriasis?There are some that are ok in pregnancy .Can you try to get pregnant in the next few months?

motherinferior · 22/03/2006 21:22

I agree with WharfRat.

Incidentally I honestly don't think either that folic acid is a pre-requisite, or that 37 is too old. I didn't take folic acid before either conception - one, accidentally, at two weeks short of my 37th birthday and one, planned, at 39.