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Original poster

My worst nightmare has come true ....

42 replies

rickman · 16/03/2006 00:09

Ex p text me tonight and says he has got a girlfriend and he wants her to meet the kids. I don't! I can't bear the thought of it!

I realise that some people will think I'm makina fuss about nothing, but this is a huge deal for me.

OP posts:
waterfalls · 16/03/2006 00:11

For me it would depend how long he has known her, I would need to be sure it was a stable relationship, not one that wont last 5 minutes.

Original poster
rickman · 16/03/2006 00:11

5 months apparently.

OP posts:
misdee · 16/03/2006 00:12

what aboutthe baby? has he even looked afterhim yet properly?

can your older kids make their own choice in the matter?

waterfalls · 16/03/2006 00:14

Hmmmm, does'nt mean the relationship is solid does it, do your kids stay over at his? will he introduce them anyway regardless of your wishes?

Original poster
rickman · 16/03/2006 00:18

He hasn't had the baby yet. The kids stay over once a fortnight. It seems she has a daughter and he might meet her this weekend and he thinks it's time. I think it's bollocks. From his last text i don't think he is going to take any notice of what I say anyway.

Guess where he met her?

OP posts:
misdee · 16/03/2006 00:19

the pub?

sparklymieow · 16/03/2006 00:20

massage/brotal Grin

Original poster
rickman · 16/03/2006 00:29

Just told Misdee, it was B&Q. Can't see it myself

"I'll have this plank of wood and that girl over there please"

OP posts:
sparklymieow · 16/03/2006 00:31

lol, was trying to lighten the mood.. Grin

B&Q?? lol

Original poster
rickman · 16/03/2006 00:40

I know sparkly!!

I want to rant and rave about it, but I know that the information will dry up if I do that. I really don't know what to do though, I have no idea what the kids will think about it. Ds is already very insecure, I'm not sure how he will handle it at all.

OP posts:
hannahsaunt · 16/03/2006 00:56

Thoughts are with you rickman. My sil recently met the dc's of her new boyfriend (funny word; doesn't seem entirely appropriate when he's 17 years older than her) and it was a very big deal. They had been together four or five months but his children were much older than yours and I'm guessing that his marriage had been over for much, much longer. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've seen just how serious the situation is and how carefully they managed it despite there being much more water under the bridge (and he certainly didn't tell ex-wife by text!) that it all seems a bit hasty. Hope it's all ok for you and for the children.

Original poster
rickman · 16/03/2006 08:58

I feel much worse about this today. Just asked the kids how they would feel if I had a boyfriend or dad got a girlfriend and ds said, oh yes, who was that valentine's card from?

I feel like that already knew and they've just been keeping it a secret from me. :(

OP posts:
Mum2OneAndOneMore · 16/03/2006 09:02

Hi rickman, sorry your having a bad time, i can fully understand how you feel as i would be exactly the same, its going to be very very hard & i am not sure what to say to make things easier but try & be positive, it will work out in the end Smile x

anorak · 16/03/2006 09:24

Cheer up rickman. I guess this was inevitable. Look on the bright side. If she is nice you might find your children are looked after better when they go to him than they have been with him alone. She might be a good influence on him.

fairyjay · 16/03/2006 09:28

Could you ask for a bit of time for you all to get used to the idea?

Freckle · 16/03/2006 09:31

The best revenge is to live well - so you need to do the same! Easier said than done, I know.

Look at it from his point of view. If you were to get a boyfriend, he wouldn't be able to stop you introducing him to the children or even having him move in. How much harder would that be to deal with?

I can understand your feelings though. At least he's told you and isn't introducing the children to her behind your back.

On another note, are you being moved out because of all the refurbishing they are doing in your area? I understand that they are pulling down a huge number of the houses and flats and rebuilding, but have to rehouse everyone in the meantime.

SwimmingUpHillThroughCustard · 16/03/2006 09:42

I know this might sound hard and would hate to be in this situation, but how about saying you'll also meet her?
if she wants to meet the kids, then you come as a package and she cant play mum without knowing you and what you want for your children.
i think you have every right, its just wether youd be able to do it?..at least you would have to quiz the kids or beat yourself up thinking about her?
really wish you luckSmile

crazydazy · 16/03/2006 09:45

This is my worst nightmare too should DP and I split up and he feels the same. I would be upset knowing he was with another woman but the fact that my children are interacting with her too just would eat me up inside.

Feel for you hon.

Aimsmum · 16/03/2006 09:55

I can sympathise with how you feel rickman.

My Xp is living with someone now and it is hard to get used to even though I have no feelings for him, if you know what I mean.

I just feel like I don't want another person to have any involvement in my DD's life that I have no control over as I know that it will be hard for her to deal with.

I'm fortunate though, that my XP doesn't want to introduce DD to his GF just now, but I know that the time will no doubt come in the future!

Nikkinoo · 16/03/2006 09:57

Hi Rickman.
here goes my ex p met woman on internet and started seeing her. Within 5 weeks she had brought 10 year old son and herself into my then home.Pictures of me n kids still on the wall.

He couldnt bear to be on his own ans his new partner must have been really desperate (app son was getting bullied, lived on a rough council estate etc)

God what soul searching it took, but my kids love their dad so much i couldnt stop them seeing him. I kept a v close eye on situation, it turned out she was really nice, most importantly good wi kids. Basically i tried to understand her and not be a bitch to her cos ultimately did not want her to take anything out on my kids cos of me.

Good luck i know its super tough

Original poster
rickman · 16/03/2006 22:53

Thanks for your support. He has been hassling me today, asking what I think about it all and do I want to meet the new girlfriend.

I honestly don't think I do, what on earth would I say to her?

It also worries me what he has said about me. Why would a woman with a child of her own, want to be involved with someone who made his pregnant girlfriend and children homeless and refuses to pay any reasonable amount of maintenance?

Anyway, I told him that he should speak to the kids first and give them a chance to get used to the idea before he introduces them.

OP posts:
Freckle · 16/03/2006 23:07

Well, don't be silly! You know full well that he won't have told her that. He'll have said that you took away his children and refused to let him see them, etc. That he pays what the CSA demands and you are just unreasonable to expect more.

There is no way he will have told her the actual truth.

Original poster
rickman · 16/03/2006 23:26

Thanks Freckle, tbh the whole thing is just making me feel sick. The thought of someone else playing happy families with my kids, when he would ner do it when we together, really irritates me.

To answer your other question, no I'm not in one of the houses that is being knocked down. I am currently having a new kitchen and bathroom fitted though, it's been a nightmare, the kids have been off sick and we're stuck in one room for most of the day.

OP posts:
Nikkinoo · 17/03/2006 12:57

Sorry Rickman did not know your history re your ex. I naievly thought he was a reasonable bloke. Got that wrong didnt I?

It must make you feel sick that he can play happy families when it suits him.

Are your kids ok with it?

Aimsmum · 17/03/2006 14:03

Rickman, FWIW, my XP's new girlfriend doesn't know the real reason we split up either, which actually really, really annoys me, so i wouldn't be surprised if your Xp was the same.

I hate the thought of antone playing happy families with my DD too, especially some 20 yr old, who has said she wants DD to move in with them one week, then shout abuse down the phone at her the next Angry Which is why they have never met.

Hope you get rid of the builders and you are all feeling better soon Smile

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