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Original poster

Job is making me ill and I can't do anything about it

35 replies

StressyHead · 15/12/2003 10:49

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twiglett · 15/12/2003 11:01

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Original poster
StressyHead · 15/12/2003 11:32

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SenoraPostrophe · 15/12/2003 11:58

This sounds very unfair to me, Stressyhead.

Have you tried having a word with personnel about it? Or are you in a union? I really think there must be something you can do to reduce all this travelling. My own tactic would probably be to drop the phrases "constructive dismissal" and "tribunal" into conversations with the boss, but I am not very subtle!

Anyway much sympathy.

Crunchie · 15/12/2003 12:01

Stressyhead, I know exactly how you feel. About 18 months ago I was commuting every day (2hrs each way) and like you goalposts changed. I was office based, but expected to do client meetings (no problem!) However I cam bak from Mat leave and all my accounts had been taken away from me! I still had the same targets, but no clients!

In the end I couldn't face crying every day in the loo at work becasue they were trying to sack me for not doing my work - well I couldn't without clients they were not prepared to give me (I couldn't be trusted with them!) - so I was in a vicious cycle. I forced them to let me quit and agreed I wouldn't sue them for sexual discrimination (or whatever, my soliciter said I had a case), they had to pay me off though!

I managed to get a job within 10mins form home with a huge cut in salary, but now becasue I love my job I can make uo the difference in commission.

It is scarey, a huge leap into the unknown, particularly if you are the main breadwinner. But you have to discuss with your boss, or preferably HR if you have one the reasons you took the job, what was expected them and how it has changed. I am not saying things should never change or develop your job, but you have rights, you would not have taken the job if you knew theings would be like this. They cannot force you to do the extra travvelling. DO look at the employment rights here, it is nothing to do with being a mother, it is to do with fairness.

Original poster
StressyHead · 15/12/2003 12:04

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twiglett · 15/12/2003 12:10

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SenoraPostrophe · 15/12/2003 12:14

stressyhead - yes, I kind of gathered the contract would be something like that. However that doesn't mean they can make you work whenever they like (love the "hours as necessary" - that would never stand up in court as it is meaningless), which is why I think it might be worth seeking advice. I don't know enough about it, but you may be pleasantly surprised.

But also just re-read twiglett's reply - she's right, you should get something in writing. However personally, I would speak to a union rep, or even a lawyer specialising in employment law first, just so you know.

Original poster
StressyHead · 15/12/2003 12:39

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fio2 · 15/12/2003 12:50

Sounds like a horrible situation to be in stressyhead, especially if you are not getting recognition for all your hard work. I really feel for you. Sorry no real solutions. My dh last job was just awful working hours and he did manage to get something more suitable, just had to wait it out thats all.

bossykate · 15/12/2003 13:17

hi stressyhead, this sounds awful and i really feel for you. my advice is get your gp to sign you off for a few days leading into the xmas hols - this would be completely appropriate in my view as you are clearly suffering from stress (and who wouldn't be in your situation). i think you need to get some rest (that schedule sounds punishing and travel takes it out of you) and just as importantly, give yourself some mental space to consider your options. it is clear you are feeling trapped at the moment - but it could be that you just need some inspiration to think of a solution that might work. it might not be an immediate solution but one that you could work towards over a reasonable period, say 3 - 6 m. you could also take a rigorous look at your finances to see what options that opens up. search on chat nickname "stonybroke" to find an example of a mumsnetter who has challenged themselves like this recently. i also recommend some counselling sessions with your dh. i do not believe your relationship is sustainable if he is as blind to the issues as you suggest. also, i think it is worth checking your employment contract with a solicitor - it never hurts to know exactly where you stand.

good luck, i really hope you can put a plan together to get things on a better footing in the new year.

dadslib · 15/12/2003 13:34

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Freddiecat · 15/12/2003 13:44

Agree - also don't worry too much about having to take the burden because your DH suffers depression. I have some experience of being in your situation. If you really open your heart to your DH - cry on him - then you will probably find that he would be fine to be the breadwinner for a while. He might rather that you got yourself sorted than you risk a breakdown due to stress and he is left having to pick up all the pieces.

Original poster
StressyHead · 15/12/2003 13:45

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Original poster
StressyHead · 16/12/2003 11:59

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handlemecarefully · 16/12/2003 12:11

Stressyhead,

As you mention budgeting - check out the 'money,money, money' thread. Stonybroke is quite inspiring about how she has saved oodles through a 'conscious spending approach'. You don't need to read whole of thread - just Stoneybroke's most recent post...

StarryStressyHead · 17/12/2003 11:16

Help... I want to send an email to my boss to follow up on what I think my Account Exec can and can't do but I also want to mention the difficulties I have with travelling. I've put this together which is not too heavy but does it read OK? I don't want to make things more difficult for myself...this is the last bit of the email which:

"......

As I mentioned to you last week, at the moment I am finding it difficult to travel long distance regularly as I have problems with childcare in the early evenings. XX is unable to leave work early as frequently as he has been as this is putting a strain on his job and his relationship with his employer. He is however actively seeking a local job which would enable him to finish at 5 and therefore be able to give me greater support, (although this means accepting a lower salary and losing his company vehicle so it's a bit of a tough situation at the moment).

I would really appreciate being able to rely on AE for some of the Northern meetings for the time being, as you suggested, as I'm sure he would be capable and it would help with his development.

Just as an aside, as I said to you last week, I was led to believe when I had my initial discussions with XX, that my role would be mainly Southern based with trips up North probably once a month which isn't how things have turned out really which is why dh and I now need to look at what we can do to enable me to be more flexible.

Can you come back to me on the Activities with any comments.

salt · 17/12/2003 11:28

IMVHO, I think it's a little too emotional. I guess it depends what sort of relationship you have with your boss though.

bossykate · 17/12/2003 11:30

aargh stressyhead! hang on!

what is wrong with...

"As I said to you last week, I was led to believe when I had my initial discussions with XX, that my role would be mainly Southern based with trips up North probably once a month which isn't how things have turned out.

I would really appreciate being able to rely on AE for some of the Northern meetings for the time being, as you suggested, as I'm sure he would be capable and it would help with his development."

why should you have to make excuses and explain your dh's job situation in order to facilitate something which you (1) didn't agree to in the first place and (2) that you can delegate to someone else in any event?.

good luck.

bundle · 17/12/2003 11:32

could you make a bit more positive - ie less of "what can you take off my shoulders" and more "here's what I can do for you" (in the southern patch - or is that not practical?). last week someone in my office covered for me when I was sick, and another part timer (like me) ended up swapping her days to help our boss - who said "that's the kind of flexible working I like" (she's v supportive!)

StarryStressyHead · 17/12/2003 11:37

I knew it was crap and too much detail about dh but I was trying to get across that I do take my job seriously and because of that we were prepared to take some fairly drastic steps with dh's job to try and make it work.

At the end of the day, I don't really know why I'm bothering. Apart from the money and the excellent benefits, I can't see how I can carry on long-term anyway. I suppose it's all a bit futile then anyway but I wanted to get in writing how I was feeling in case the sh$t hits the fan next year.

Cheers guys

bundle · 17/12/2003 11:39

it's not crap, stressyhead, it's a first draft
and you're too emotionally ground down by this one to see things clearly right now by the sound of it.

twiglett · 17/12/2003 11:39

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salt · 17/12/2003 11:42

Had a think and what about...

As mentioned last week, I am currently finding it difficult to travel long distances regularly. This is primarily down to my problems with childcare in the early evenings. XX is actively seeking another position which would provide more support, as you can imagine this is not an easy task and takes much consideration.

My AE is more than capable of attending some of the Northern meetings planned in the near future, as you suggested, I have every faith in XX's capability and it would help with his development a great deal.

Following on to this, as I mentioned last week, from my initial discussions with XX I believed that my role would be mainly Southern based with trips up North roughly once a month this is curently not the case with my trips up north avergaing X times a week, as you can see this is quite a difference from my initial expectations. Although I am making every effort to resolve this issue I am sure you understand that this is not something that I can rectify overnight.

If you would like to discuss this further I am happy to arrange a meeting convenient to us both...etc...

Just a thought... hth

bossykate · 17/12/2003 11:49

don't worry, stressyhead, it's very difficult to get this sort of thing to the state where you're happy with it.

i would emphasise the point that it isn't what you signed up for and anyway someone else can do it some of the time.

the first para sounds as though you are apologising for failing in your role - do you think this is the case? even if it is, i wouldn't put it in a letter.

if anything it might be worth saying something like...

"I have displayed a great deal of commitment to my role in recent weeks/months by being prepared to travel far in excess of what was agreed with XX.

However, from now on I would prefer to delegate some of these meetings to AE, as he is capable and it would contribute to his development.

This would also enable me to use the additional time I would gain by not travelling to do instead.

In short I believe my proposal has the following advantages .

I believe AE should take over x meetings per month starting from January."

... or something.

hth.

StarryStressyHead · 17/12/2003 11:49

Thank you Salt...I think that's perfect and Bundle you're right I'm too emotionally ground down at the moment. Also hoping the sore throat and cold I've had for the last 10 days will go by Christmas and I'm sure that's making me more weepy than normal!