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Original poster

DH "forgot" to tell me that my Mum's partner had died!

29 replies

VeryAngryIndeed · 05/03/2006 09:46

Have changed my name for this one.

My Mum rang me on Friday night, all huffy, saying "I thought you might have phoned to see when the funeral was." I was absolutely clueless as to what she was on about, and she said that her partner had died suddenly on Tuesday morning. She had phoned on Tuesday evening and had left a message with DH, which he had forgotten to pass on. I confronted him with this when he came in and all he said was "Oops."
I was really angry, and he finally did apologise, but in a really huffy way - "OK, I apologise - is that better now?"

But it wasn't and he has shown no remorse all weekend. I know he can be forgetful at times, but how important does the message have to be before he can remember to pass it on?

OP posts:
winnie · 05/03/2006 09:49
Shock

VeryAngryIndeed, you have every right to feel very angry.

How are you? What a terrible shock for you. I am sorry.

moondog · 05/03/2006 09:49

What an arsehole. I would be raging at the complete and utter lack of respect.

Northerner · 05/03/2006 09:50
Angry

I am angry on your behalf. He needs his arse kicking.

Pruni · 05/03/2006 09:51

OMG.
DH did this when my mum's cousin's 15-yr-old son was killed in a crash recently. My mum called me a few days later to see why I hadn't got back to her. DH said he couldn't remember who it was so he hadn't bothered to tell me. Shock

But this isn't nearly as bad as your story. Very sorry and hope he gets over himself soon.

Hulababy · 05/03/2006 09:56

I am so sorry. Tht is dreadful. I would be furious.

Janos · 05/03/2006 10:05

This is pretty unforgivable VeryAngry. You must be incredibly upset and he should be begging your forgiveness quite frankly!!

Angry and Sad

WideWebWitch · 05/03/2006 10:10

Whaaaat? What's he on? Is he NT? How very strange and what a thing to forget, I absolutely couldn't forget to pass on a message like this, surely no one would?

biglips · 05/03/2006 10:11

omg!!! very unforgivable Angry

deffo need his arse kicking

im so sorry to hear your mums loss Sad

Twiglett · 05/03/2006 10:14

am shocked and angry on your behalf

but more importantly .. how's your mother?

Original poster
VeryAngryIndeed · 05/03/2006 10:21

My Mum is OK. They didn't live together, but saw each other every day and had done for about 5 years. I don't think it has hit her yet. The worst thing is that the funeral is on the anniversary of my Dad's death, at the same crematorium. That will be the worst thing. His niece is handling all the arrangements as she was his NOK, so my Mum is spared that.

OP posts:
Carmenere · 05/03/2006 10:22

Good God VAI, he should be begging your forgiveness and your mothers. How must she feel that your dh diddn't register her partners death as sufficiently important to remember? If he is not prostrate begging for forgiveness and prepared to write your mum a crawling letter of sympathy I suggest that you ban him to the sofa for at least a week.

WideWebWitch · 05/03/2006 10:25

Oh how sad about the funeral and anniversary.

Original poster
VeryAngryIndeed · 05/03/2006 10:30

He said "Well they were only friends." As if that made it better, or alright then. I asked him how he would feel if his Mum rang me to tell me that DH's Dad's best friend, who is also DH's Godfather, had died and I had forgotten to tell him. He just went a bit quiet. But I don't see any recognition of how awful what he has done is.
My Mum can't stand him anyway, and this is going to be the cherry on the icing on the cake for her.

OP posts:
Carmenere · 05/03/2006 10:32

I'm very sorry for you VAI, that's a horrible position to be in.

eve2005 · 05/03/2006 10:36

sounds like your mom may be right on this one VAI. forgeting is bad enough but to act as if he didn't do anything wrong deserves a few nights on a friends couch to come to his senses.

LadySherlockofLGJ · 05/03/2006 10:39

Sounds like this goes deeper than forgetting to tell you, is everything else ok in your relationship ??

Original poster
VeryAngryIndeed · 05/03/2006 10:43

Yes, I'd have said it was OK. I'd like him to be a little less lazy and selfish, but hey, he's a man. Yesterday he slept most of the afternoon while I ran round making biscuits with the kids, cleaning and doing washing. I was torn between kicking his lazy arse and getting on with things in his absence. Sometimes I feel like the Duracell bunny - just keeping on drumming while he falls by the wayside.

OP posts:
harpsichordcarrier · 05/03/2006 10:44

Shock outrageous behaviour on his part
what a twonk

Hausfrau · 05/03/2006 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shimmy21 · 05/03/2006 11:14

Sounds to me like your dh owes your mum an apology. If it was me I would probably insist that dh ate humble pie and grovelled to my mum. That way he might actually have to acknowledge that he did a crap thing and your mum might feel a bit less bitter towards him.

Or look at it another way - it would be good retribution.

blueteddy · 05/03/2006 11:20

ShockAngry That is terrible - I would be fuming!

pashmina · 05/03/2006 11:32

Shock really unbeleivable, were you close? your poor mum, I amdealing with a very low Mum, who lost her husband recently, its devastating. he should apologise to your mum

WestCountryLass · 05/03/2006 14:03

That is terrible!

  1. How could he forget to pass that message along?

  2. Why is he not really sorry for not telling you?

and 3) Is he going to apologise to your Mum?

Original poster
VeryAngryIndeed · 05/03/2006 14:32

I suppose it didn't mean anything to him as he didn't really know the man. I don't know why he isn't sorry for not telling me. I don't think I am going to get back for the funeral - will never get a cheap flight at this short notice, but may have done if he had told me WHEN IT HAPPENED. I'll see if my Mum wants to come here on her own or go back on my own or with the kids to see her in a few weeks.

How can anyone forget that sort of message? It's beyond me.

OP posts:
madmarchhare · 05/03/2006 14:38

I think he ought to apologise to your mum.

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