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Original poster

I want to have more babies....but I'm scared no-one will ever employ me again!

46 replies

Kathy1972 · 28/02/2006 13:44

Someone tell me what I should do, please!

Had my first dd 8 months ago. Went back to work 3 months ago. It has been brilliant, I love her and I really enjoy my work. DH is fantastic at doing more than his share of domestic stuff, we have a lovely day nursery, everything is rosy. :)

BUT - I am dying to have another baby, NOW! It's funny - I never had any kind of baby hunger before I had dd, but now I am just desperate to have another. (Did anyone else find this?) I love large families and would really like to have 4 or 5 children in total (I am just 34 so it may just about be possible!) But while I am happy working full time ATM, I don't think it would be nearly as easy with more than one child. Also they older they get the more interesting they are IMO, so while I was bored to tears by the end of my mat. leave, I am enjoying time with DD more and more. So, I could imagine going down the SAHM route. DH does not earn much but we have simple tastes, so we could just about afford it. :)

But it took me over a year to find my current job (academic), it was my first real job after doing my PhD, and I'm fairly sure it would be practically impossible to get back into academia after a career break - have never heard of anyone doing it. Also, my academic cv leaves me overqualified for most other jobs, so what if, 10 years down the line when kids are older and I want to go back to work, I can't find anything?

Advice someone, please....!!!!

Oh, and DH is supportive whatever I want to do, bless him :)

OP posts:
Kif · 28/02/2006 13:55

Errr... no advice off the top of my head (and I'm meant to be working to a 2.30 deadline in the office - whoops - so must divert brainpower that way).

However - much sympathy. I'm in a similar situation.

Life lovely with 1 Dd - thinking about 2nd baby - can't imagine working with 2 - can't imagine not working.

Original poster
Kathy1972 · 28/02/2006 13:57

Thanks Kif, nice to know s/o else is having same thoughts, good luck with 2.30 deadline!

OP posts:
webmum · 28/02/2006 14:05

kathy

have you got any chance of going back part time after baby2?

that way you can get a bit of both and not totally out of the loop..
good luck

LadyTophamHatt · 28/02/2006 14:08

Well IMHO, if your Dh agrees and your biological clock is still ticking then having a larger family is far more important than any job.

(but I've been a SAHM since Ds1 was born so I'm proabaly bias)

geekgrrl · 28/02/2006 14:08

yes, p/t or how about distance learning? The OU are often advertising for academic posts to be filled, it's becoming so much more mainstream. What's your field?

Original poster
Kathy1972 · 28/02/2006 14:14

PT may be possible. We already do a lot of DL in our dept and they are good about staff working from home (though oddly have been less good with me since DD was born), so flexibility's not really a problem.
Don't want to say my subject as it's a pretty obscure one so it would damage anonymity if I said - but it's something for which there are only a few depts in the country.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kathy1972 · 28/02/2006 17:13

bumping myself....
cos I still don't know what to do if PT isn't the answer!

OP posts:
mousiemousie · 28/02/2006 17:15

How old are you? If in your 30's I would definitely say have another one - if 20 something maybe you could wait a couple of years to become more established in your career.

mousiemousie · 28/02/2006 17:16

sorry you are 34, you already said - HAVE THE KIDS NOW!!!

sweetkitty · 28/02/2006 17:18

Well I've gone and done it ...... had another one that is. As soon as my DD1 was born I knew I wanted another fairly soonish and couldn't imagine anyone else looking after her TBH. The urge to be with her was stronger than the urge to go back to work. What we did was move back to Scotland where houses are cheaper and this enables me to stay at home. DD2 was born 4 weeks ago. I do miss working sometimes though I have to admit. My job was very specialised too and I want another baby in the next few years so I don't know how my career will stand in a few years time. I won't be able to find another job in my field up here so retraining is the only option although I will feel like the past 12 years of uni/work were a waste.

I don't know damned if you do damned if you don't sort of thing.

Original poster
Kathy1972 · 28/02/2006 17:19

Thanks Mousie - strong opinions are exactly what I need! Grin

OP posts:
ShaysMummy · 28/02/2006 17:22

my urge to have them was much stronger once i had one. he is 7 months and i am 13 weeks gone- had scan today.
i would like 3 or 4.
:o

Original poster
Kathy1972 · 28/02/2006 17:27

Oooh, congratulations Shaysmummy - am jealous! :)

OP posts:
thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 01/03/2006 13:14

are you sure about people not getting back in after a career break? maybe it happens but you're not so aware of it. Could you keep your hand in a bit - even without a permanent post - by publishing (articles, I mean) and / or doing contract lecturing/teaching? I have two and until recently have worked 3 days a week (not in academia) and it has worked fine. I'm currently studying at LSE and have certainly come across plenty of people who combine part-time teaching here with jobs elsewhere - am I naive to think that you could combine pt motherhood with pt teaching jobs like this?

Original poster
Kathy1972 · 01/03/2006 15:16

Good points hatty....
There'd be a lot to keep up with - developments in higher educational thinking as well as one's research and teaching areas, and it would be essential to actually turn out research papers, as when you came to apply for jobs again you'd be competing based on recently published research - no point in saying 'Well, I have three books from before I had kids' as they wouldn't be able to count those for the next Research Assessment Exercise. Not impossible but a bit of a tall order, especially if you're short of money hence no childcare. For me, keeping up with general higher education issues would be fairly straightforward as DH is also in the game (though different subject) and my research is mostly archive/library based, so it's not like it needs particular lab equipment. The problem has been recognised in the sciences to the extent that some organisation or other has instituted some special research fellowships equivalent to postdocs so women returning after kids can get a foot on the ladder again (at the bottom Angry) but there's nothing like that in the humanities. There really needs to be. :)
I think you're right that it may not be impossible, but it's such a risk - Shock

OP posts:
Bumbled · 02/03/2006 13:11

I am in a similiar position, would like 4 children, have 2 down and 2 to go and am 34 and worried!! Keep reading all these articles about fertility etc. etc. IMO when you get to the end of your life, the children/your family will be a greater achievement than any career, but that is a pretty supjective view and has to be your decision. If you would like a large family then you need to get a move on if only to keep the options open.

I appreciate that your job's very hard to find, and know how that feels, but I keep thinking it's only money, in the big scheme of things we can pay off debt if we have to in the future.....

I think it boils down to what's most important to you?! HTH

Rojak · 02/03/2006 13:17

I have 2 and am working FT at th moment and am finding it incredibly tough. I will be requesting reduced hours soon so I can work PT and be home too. Working preserves my sanity and gives us a much needed income but I still want to be home enough to enjoy my kids.

elliott · 02/03/2006 13:25

Hi there, I work in academia, there are a lot of women with children in my field (including several with 3 or 4 children). the most successful ones have continued working full time, it must be said, but it is becoming increasingly possible to work part time and still make career progress. HE is at least very flexible in terms of hours, so I think it is easier than some jobs to do full time. For example it is much easier for me to work around school and illness difficulties than for my dh.
I think if you give up completely then you have to accept that you may end up in a job way below your capabilities. That may not bother you if you enjoy being with your children above all else - you know yourself best.

madness · 02/03/2006 13:28

Went on maternity leave for 5 months. Was then turned down for a job as I didn't seem to have done much of research etc the last 6 months...
It has meant the end of my carrier.
Now in a crappy , "looked-down upon" job.
Re-training, yes may be in a different field and let the last 15 years with lots of postgrad exams/research etc go to wast.
As my carreer gone anyway I'm now pg with 3rd...

So not sure what advise to give. Somehow some PT job would be better I think than not working at all for several years.

Original poster
Kathy1972 · 02/03/2006 13:44

Oh Madness Shock
One of my supportive-female-role-models who has 3 grown-up kids and is now a prof said that when she first got pg she was due study leave and was expected to combine it with mat leave. I would like to think to attitudes like that were a thing of the past but clearly not Angry

As a result of this conversation I have decided that I should get on with having the next asap rather than do as I was planning to and wait till after my study leave. My study leave's due in the autumn and I didn't want to risk being pg during study leave as I had hyperemesis last time and don't want to spend my precious study leave with my head down a toilet, but I've decided waiting another year is silly in the circs. Now DH and I just have to find some time for a (ahem) s* !

Elliot - yes academia is lovely and flexible, it's great! The self-determination is wonderful too. The downside of course being that you can't guarantee not to have to work weekends as that's when lots of conferences are etc.

Bumbled - you're one ahead of me!! I should probably be more worried - got into a false sense of security because it took no time at all to get preg with DD. My mum always wanted to have four but only managed 3 and she started at 26!

OP posts:
bundle · 02/03/2006 13:48

could you afford to have that many in terms of childcare? i'd love to have a third child but as we've always used nurseries by choice it would be very expensive (have got into about £2k debt during each maternity leave) and we hope to move to a bigger house soon and couldn't afford both a child and a bigger mortgage Sad

Marina · 02/03/2006 13:53

If your forte is library and archive research Kathy then qualifying as a librarian or information scientist, or distance learning to become a qualified indexer, would open more doors to flexible/p-t working while staying within the HE environment.

honeyflower · 02/03/2006 14:16

Kathy, you may be able to reschedule your study leave, depending on how quickly you get pregnant and of course your institution's policy on managing leave. Two of my colleagues have rescheduled study leave around maternity leave in the last couple of years.

I know 1 - count `em - female academic in the humanities who has successfully re-established her career after a career break to have kids. Better to go part-time and slack off on the research for a while, IMO.

It's MUCH more possible to take a break if you work in the kind of field where professional skills/knowledge are needed, and good (or even barely adequate) job candidates are scarce, e.g. law, accountancy, education. Perhaps that lies behind the LSE situation another poster describes - sounds like that's not your kind of area though.

After years of working my @rse into the ground, I've started taking TOIL if I have to do a w/end conference. I'm getting away with it so far! but obviously it comes out of my research, admin and teaching preparation time, not teaching contact hours.

Good luck, whatever you decide

Original poster
Kathy1972 · 02/03/2006 14:38

Good q Bundle.
We reckon that with the children in dd's current nursery:
with 1 it is well worth my working
2 we would just about break even
3 we would be taking a loss but ok for a year or two
4 we could not really afford, hence the possibility of SAHMdom - work would be a luxury I just could not afford....
There would be all the other large family expenses too - bigger house, which might need to be in a more distant (and hence cheaper) village so we would need a second car.... Have not done the sums yet for how it would all work with part-time work. Of course it would also depend on when one had the children and hence how many were in nursery at any one time.

I do find something profoundly depressing in the idea that one might want to have a family of a certain size but not be able to afford it. Very rich people seem able to do it - they just get a nanny - and very poor people seem able to - more benefits and bigger council houses - so it seems a bit of a shame that us salt-of-the-earth hard-working middle class types are limited to 2 children - personally I think we much-maligned middle classes are a good thing and there should be more of us ;-)

OP posts:
bundle · 02/03/2006 14:44

quite agree, kathy, it is a shame money limits our parental choices. I'm definitely not a "nanny person" even though having children in one place (one of mine is at school, the other at a nursery about 20 mins from there) would obviously make logistical sense. when we had 2 at nursery for 3 days a week it cost us over £900 pcm Shock, only slightly less than what i was earning

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