DH is having an affair

[NadC]

Hi I'm new to this but need to talk. My DH had an affair and left home for 5 weeks (to live with his new flame). He begged me to let him back and he's been back just over a week now. I've just had his flame on the phone saying that he's in love with her and that he told her he's only here because I'm blackmailing him with access to our DD (not true)! He says she's lying and wants to split us up - but i don't know what to do? Really do still love him!!! :-(

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I don't normally post messages on these particular threads but feel so impressed and in awe of your strength that I couldn't keep quiet.

I really hope it all works out for you, your courage and self confidence is inspiring, I hope you have nothing but the happiness you obviously deserve to come.

Take care, Libb xx

NadC, you hang on it there girl, you have done the right thing - you deserve so much better than him
Get yourself a good solicitor - ask around for one that will fight for you - to protect yourself and your children. I don't want to sound vicious, but men turn into right bastards when it comes to stuff like this - especially when it involves money
Well done you for being so strong, lots of support and hugs

Still here Nad? Just remember, and remember every single morning what MotherInferior said: YOU have NOTHING, that's NOTHING, to feel stupid about, let alone disgusting. Nobody would think so, and you know that you would never say that about someone else in your situaltion. You are brave and strong, just take care that you look after your interests.

WOW! I never knew there were so many people who would care about what happens to me!

THANK YOU ALL - you're support is overwhelming!

To answer a couple of questions - DD is 2 and incidentally not missing her father! He was 34 when he slept with the other girls - he's a bus driver and there's a group of school girls who hang around the local depot on their breaks and at night etc. They offer themselves up to anyone who'll take them - but that's no excuse. They're still kids.

Feeling alot more positive now xx

Oh NadC - What a sleazy git he is!! I hope he used condoms!!! Horrible, HORRIBLE man.

Incidentally, you might be able to get him fired. However, if you are going to want maintenance from him then perhaps not.

I really hope he is thoroughly ashamed of himself.

Where is he now? Do you know?

NadC - I know this is a horrible thought, but perhaps you should get a wee check up at the docs just to make sure he hasn't passed anything nasty onto you from these little slappers.

Sorry.... hope you are not offended, I really just want you to make sure that his actions have left emotional problems rather than health ones too.

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NadC, you have so done the right thing and your dd is lucky to have such a great mum.
This must be so hard for you as I know you say you still love him. Keep strong.

NadC: M2T is right, on both counts....but one suggestion is in the interests of your self-preservation, and adds to your strength and power...the other...getting him sacked...COULD just turn any guilt he has to anger and revenge of his own, and as M2T also points out, will badly affect his ability to provide maintenance for your DD.
Why not make a list of all the things that make you feel powerful and superior to him...and a different list of al the actions that you can take that will have a genuinely beneficial effect on you and your life. That's where you energy needs to be....and revenge, however satisfying as a fantasy, is rarely constructive in the long run.
But I do think it was an apalling misuse of his position as a public service employee. However badly teenage girls behave, we need them to be able to use public transport without lecherous bus drivers taking advantage of their behaviour. He is much too old for that kind of thing.

Hi to you all. Just to give you a laugh before I log out for the day.

H has been getting nasty with me today and he is "going to tell his Mum and send her up to see me!".

Just thought this was really funny considering he's a 34 year old married man!!!

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lol NadC! What a woose!

Perhaps you need to tell his Mummy some home truths about her precious little boy....

Did he come to see you or was this on the phone? Does he have an excuse for sleeping around so much?? I mean, I know there isn't one..... but just for a laugh did he try to excuse it?

I'm feeling so mych better today and really positive about things - last nights wee laugh just brought it all home to me, how much better off i am without him!

I left the remainder of his things on the doorstep in a black bag. He must have been and picked it up as it wasn't there this morning!

His Mum never came up (methinks she has more sense than to get involved!) I have spoken to her recently and told her why I was throwing him out again, so she knows what he's like.

He has no excuse for his promiscuity! When we ever do talk about it he thinks that if he says "But I love you and DD so much, you're my life etc.." that it'll all be okay.

Wrapped up DD's Christmas presents last night and put them under the tree. Felt really good - lots of love from Mummy!

I start a new (better) job on 5th January (part time too) so am really looking forward to a New Year, New Life and New Me! Throughout this whole sorry affair I've lost 2 stone in weight and now feel great for it. Getting my hair done 2morrow in a new style too.

All your support and advice has helped me come to terms with this. I'm still young, I have a wonderful beautiful DD, I have more than he could ever take away from me and he can't hurt me anymore.

I'll probably not be back on for a while - as I finish my job at the end of this week - but I'll be back sometime - SO THANKS AGAIN, AND HAVE A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES XX

NadC - You sound like a different person today - well done you!!!

Have a lovely Christmas with DD - Good luck with the new job and the new you.Xxx

Nadc,

Its great to hear you sounding so upbeat

My goodness NadC!! You must;ve been well on your way to gettin gyour life back on track when you originally posted..... I don't think any Mumsnetters can take credit for turning your life around in only 3 days.

Well done!

Have a lovely Christmas.

Good Luck, NadC! Make lots of arrangements with your girlfriends and celebrate every day until you start your new job.
You will have a WONDERFUL 2004.