Sarah's law - can't believe I am attempting to do this

[marykat2004]

So, I've got this neighbour who I don't like the look of. No one seems to like him. I have tried to be patient and open-minded but it was the last straw when I came home and found that he had been in the flat with DH and DD when I was out. This is the first time this has happened when DD was home with DH , and I was out. Otherwise the neighbour only came in when DD and I were both away, which is fairly regularly as we like to visit people at the weekends, (we live in a small flat, I am an outgoing type etc).

Anyway without making this post too long, I told DH I don't want him to see this neighbour any more. DH has a heart condition and had not had a drink in nearly 3 years. The neighbour got him drinking again (that is another subject, I know I can't blame the neighbour.). Many of DH"s old friends have said they don't like this guy either.

The problem is that I feel trapped now. I can't ever leave DD with her father because the neighbour might come in. It is not worth the risk. I can't get any info from the housing office, not even the guy's surname. I know he was in prison but he he told my friend he was a 'bank robber.' He drinks super strong lager and is basically a typical homeless person who's been a junkie, been in prison, etc. I work in a hostel and I know this type. Always knocking on the door for rizlas, tea bags etc.

I wouldn't say I had seen him behaving oddly towards children but I don't want an ex-prisoner, ex-junkie etc in my flat.

So I have called the local police to try to find out if this guy is a sex offender. At first they said they couldn't tell me anything but I mentioned 'Sarah's Law' and this officer said she would talk to someone and get back to me.

Has anyone had any success with Sarah's Law and odd neighbours? Can you get them moved out if they are sex offenders?

According to this link you can ask:

www.sarahslaw.co.uk/how-it-works/

dangerousliason - thank you for being kind.

I am just catching up now. I really wanted to delete this and leave Mumsnet this morning.

I felt quite foolish later when the police phoned back. We've had trouble with ASBOs on this estate in the past, and as I was one of the residents who helped the police, the police actually did tell me that this neighbour is known to the police but not as a sex offender. A couple of years ago when the police were trying to disperse gangs on the estate, they had asked about this neighbour. I think they are glad to have people in the community keeping a general eye out for anti-social behaviour, drug dealing etc. I still don't want this guy in my flat, and there is nothing I do to get rid of him (the neighbour), but the whole thing is a bit of a red herring, as someone said.

At least dangerousliason (middle of second page) pretty much summed it up.

I really really do not want to upset or offend Sarah Payne's family. I admit I was misdirecting my anger at the neighbour because it's easier than trying to deal with my own failing marriage. Yeah I thought if he is a sex offender maybe he can be moved. The fact that he isn't known as such, I still don't want him in my flat.

DH and I are going to get some counseling together. I have spoke with someone today about it and am waiting for an appointment.

Also, I need to clarify: When I said DH could have heart attack any minute i meant if he is drinking. If he has alcohol related heart failure and takes 12 tablets a day and didn't drink for 3 years, then starts drinking again, he's likely to drop dead. I could try asking a doctor but I don't want the doctor to say "actually it's fine to have a couple of drinks" because DH can't have "a couple" of drinks. That's what led to the problem in the first place. He had 12 years of trying "moderate" and that led to heart failure.

Up until the drinking started again (which is pretty recent - in fact he was only drinking around DD ONCE), doctors said it was ok to leave him with his child and that in fact he SHOULD take her and pick her up from school for exercise (but he hardly ever does because he's depressed).

Anyway thank you to those who were helpful. And to those who weren't, I apologise for getting muddled up over this Sarah's Law thing. It wasn't really anything I'd give proper thought to before, and was misdirected. (However, you CAN ask police if you are suspicious of a neighbour. Where children are concerned I think that is allowed, though of course do not tell other neighbours you are asking.)

If he had been a sex offender he wouldn't have been moved! They do live out in the community... They have to live somewhere

marykat - I'm glad you came back and the very best of luck to you. I can't imagine you're going to have an easy time of it in the foreseeable future - I know there will always be support and hand-holding on the Relationships board here, though. Keep talking about it, either here or in RL.

OP wishing you all the best.

there are loads of strange looking people in the world but if you watch crimewatch most of the people you need to avoid look pretty normal to me
hth

is your dh going to aa or anything?

good luck OP Im glad the police where helpfull and you are feeling strong enough to seek help.

I know about that, it's not what he LOOKS like, I didn't really put that the right way. There was a really good safety video in the train station in Washington, DC, where they kept saying over and over "there are no suspicious looking people, only suspicious actions." Obviously this was to stop Americans thinking only certain "types" would be bombing trains. This thing about the neighbour is at worst based on experience with hostel residents, and build up of his behaviour over recent months, and at best is me being totally misguided and wanting an easy answer to my relationship problems (ie blame someone outside).

DH is back in an alcohol counseling service. He didn't really take to AA, though I wonder if he might try it again. AA isn't for everyone. And where we are there are other services.