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Original poster

What do you do when a friends kid is getting on your nerves?

51 replies

changednameforthis · 18/02/2006 17:54

As its happening to me right now and im not sure what to do.
Completely trashes the place without actually playing with anything, hes 5, emptys boxes and tips out but does nothign with the contents, just moves on to the next stuff.
Roots through drawers looking for things without a thought to whether he should be or not.
On way out the door always seems to have something of my kids to borrow like we are a lending library.
When given juice/crisps/food/pressie never says Thanks, always moans and wants more or different colour/size/packet.
What can I do to minimise the irritation.
Have started to rearrange my house so things are less accessable but he will pull up a stool to reach etc.

OP posts:
bobbybobbobbingalong · 18/02/2006 17:59

Er, he's in your house - so why don't you just say "No" or if you like "we don't do that in this family", or more positively "in this family we tidy up our toys".

For the food - choice of this one or that one - there is no other one.

Basically treat him like you would your own if they tried the same tricks.

He will probably appreciate the boundaries.

Twiglett · 18/02/2006 18:00

You say No .. we don't do that .. put a toy away before you take anything else out

You cannot borrow anything .. but if you want to come back and play with it you will be welcome .. it wouldn't be any fun if we all had the same thing

Say Thank you or I will take it away again

.. always treat other kids as you would treat your own otherwise it is unfair and double standards

foxinsocks · 18/02/2006 18:02

is he there with his mum (always harder then I find!)?

I would lay down your rules nicely and ask him to follow them.

I've had one horrendous playdate when said child decided to ignore me completely so I never invited her back again!

Original poster
changednameforthis · 18/02/2006 18:04

With mum who roars at him for same behaviour elsewhere but says nothing at mine

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 18/02/2006 18:05

aah yes that is tricky. V annoying.

Are you grimacing as it happens?

She's probably delighted that he gets to run riot and you get to tidy up!

Original poster
changednameforthis · 18/02/2006 18:08

I am getting increasingly fed up and starting to say Er Well Thats It Im Afraid and No actually your not...sort of being shirty to a 5 year old which im not happy about..

OP posts:
cupcakes · 18/02/2006 18:09

It's difficult in front of the mum. Behind their backs I am quite quick to tell them off!
You can either
invite them less
tell him off
have a word with her
None of them very tempting though. But I would opt for the telling him off in front of her. Hopefully she will be embarrassed and start to take more responsibility for him. She must think that at your home you don't mind this behaviour so lets him get away with it.

Jodee · 18/02/2006 18:09

Grrr, have had a child exactly like that round for tea - ONCE - never again. On top of that, wouldn't play with DS and I heard him swearing at DS when he thought I wasn't in earshot. DS was reduced to tears, no other child has ever made him feel so rotten in his own home.

If parent suggests monster child and my DS meet up again, it will be in a soft play area or the park.

kama · 18/02/2006 18:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cupcakes · 18/02/2006 18:10

I often use the line 'In this house we don't ...' and 'ds isn't allowed to do that so you can't either'.

foxinsocks · 18/02/2006 18:13

yes weirdly, I often end up apologising and saying something like 'I'm sorry but in this house we have a rule that we put all the toys back into the box before we empty another'

or alternatively, start tidying up and hope she gets the hint

or plan C, open a bottle of wine and hope she sees that this is stressing you out

Sparklemagic · 18/02/2006 18:15

Take control, assert yourself against the things you don't like and your anger will be lessened I think!

If he wants to borrow something to take home, tell his mum "We have decided not to do that any more as DS/DD gets upset when they want the toy the next day and it's gone."

I would stop offering him food altogether. Cut out the problem! Just say, oh dear, we've got no food in, I must go food shopping soon! Offer a drink but leave it at that. In my little circle of mums we tend to bring a treat with us to someone's house.

With the reckless tipping out of toys, I would be really strong with the mum on this and perhaps tell her you have to go out straight after they're gone, so could she please help you tidy what little johnny has played with? "Usually I don't mind half an hours tidying when you're gone but I'll be in a rush today".........!!!

Hope some of this may help?

messagedeleted · 18/02/2006 18:18

thats why i hate kids ( apart form about three) comign over

dont like many other kids tbh

MUch easier if ds1 and 2 play together

Bunglie · 18/02/2006 18:19

No doubt about it....Kill em!

Twiglett · 18/02/2006 18:20

I wouldn't say anything to a child without the parent there that I would have any qualms saying with the parent there

if the mum is sitting there like a numpty .. ask her to tell the child off .. or do it yourself then turn and smile sweetly at the mum and tell her that you simply can't have him doing things in your house that DS isn't allowed to

Original poster
changednameforthis · 18/02/2006 18:21

Its making me horrible, I would have usually made sure my kids had tidied up at hers but now I just swan out saying Bye because of the destruction left behind at mine. Im going to get a plan in action

OP posts:
tigermoth · 18/02/2006 18:29

oh, much more difficult if the mother is there. What are your child/chidren like - however well behaved they are when alone, how they the same when this guest is there with them? Do all the children get ultra excited? I find where one leads the others follow.

If that's the case, you can tell all the children to stop the mess and chaos, help tidy up, say please and thank you etc. Even if you know it's mainly the guest, at least it is a tactful but clear way of getting your message across. If your own child/ children are behaving behaving impeccably already ignore my advice as it would be unfair on them.

This is what I do in group situations where the playtime is getting out of hand - I don't believe in singling out one child for a telling off if none of the children are being that good.

Also, I don't know your friend, but if her child is really exciteable and hard work, she may just need a break and really need to your company. Don't be too hard on her if you really do like her. (I speak as the mother of a two very exicteable on occasion boys).

Miaou · 18/02/2006 18:29

Oh we had this with a friend of dd's, only this was a 7 year old without parent in tow. She only came round twice - the first time she broke dd's favourite toy (it took her ten minutes to manage it - didn't realise what she was doing until it was too late as she was being sneaky about it), the second time she found dd's box of stickers - and she stuck them all on one sheet of paper, despite dd pleading with her not to!

At which point dd and I both decided that she would not be asked round again - at 7 dd is old enough to play unsupervised, but this girl needs watching like a hawk . I have spoken to other parents who get her to empty her pockets before she leaves as she will take anything she fancies

Sorry all this is of no help to you whatsoever, but I do think the advice to warn the other mum then lay down some firm rules is a very good one.

Original poster
changednameforthis · 18/02/2006 18:33

One more moan...he picks the stickers off of toys. So they then look shit forever afterwards.

Scream...

I am going to have to do a group Tidy Up/Behave I think, the problem being that hes so irritating for want of a better word that whilst the others will be tidying up he will be standing saying I dont want to... Meanwhile half the mess has been tidied up already and it wasnt them that made it

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 18/02/2006 18:35

don't have him round again

life is toooo short

weather is starting to cheer up - next time it is your turn, suggest the playground!

Twiglett · 18/02/2006 18:36

well I think you just don't have him round any more

DS has a friend who I don't invite over because he drives me bananas with his lack of behaviour parameters .. only child I know like it tbh .. and its all his parents' fault because they think the sun shines out of his proverbials

no-one I know likes having him round

tigermoth · 18/02/2006 18:41

Does this boy actually like toys? I don't get the feeling that he does. IME some children just don't find toys as interesting as others do, even at the tender age of 5 years. It is not the parents fault, it is just personality. If they don't find toys interesting they can cause chaoe very easily!

My oldest son nearly always preferred attention and interaction with adults over imaginary play with toys and other children. It didn't matter if the interaction was in the form of telling off. He was at his worst around 5 years old. I am eternally grateful to those friends of mine who let him come round for playdates as he was not the easiest of children, even if he could be charming.

messagedeleted · 18/02/2006 18:43

ds1 used to be a bit of a labrador in other popeles houses

tigermoth · 18/02/2006 18:43

But he was better when in the playground, so I second foxinsock's suggestion.

tigermoth · 18/02/2006 18:44

mine was likened to a collie...