As a child were you in full time childcare?

[Lasvegas]

So many surveys about how nurseries etc not best for little kids. Real test I think is looking at adults now who were in childcare in the past. I wondered how you were affected if at all if you were in nursery, with CM or Nanny full time (50 hours a week) when you were little. I mean affected in later life not can you recall crying etc. I wasn't at nursery as a child, my mum worked a gew hours and my grandmother had me and my sister.

My mum was SAHM until I started school then she trained as a teacher. But I have no real memories of her being a SAHM at all.

My mum was a SAHM mum until I was 6. I am an only child so I had 1:1 attention when she wasn't doing household stuff. She said I was bored stiff and would have loved nursery (I couldn't start school early enough). She also says I was spoilt and that my son is much more sociable and self-reliant that I was. I can't remember much of what went on before school and I find it difficult to believe that what happens before 3 will have such an impact. What about school, the company a child keeps, whether they are bullied at school, whether their parents are still together, row all the time etc etc etc.

All families are different, all children are different and all childcare setting are different. For anyone to say one is bad and one is good is just silly. We do what's best for our kids (and what financial and other constraints require).

I will say however, that 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce. I would not want to be the SAHM who has relied on my husband to find he's run off with a younger model (of course it's ok for the SAHM who runs off with a richer model). All women should have something to fall back on - however secure you feel in your marriage, you need to have your own money and your own skillset. That does not mean working full-time but it does mean being a teensy wee bit selfish. Also as others have pointed out, pension issues are worth considering.

I work full-time at present and my son goes to nusery full time. However, the plan is that when he starts school next year, both my husband and I will work 2 half days a week so we can pick him up from school 4 out of 5 times a week. We'll probably need a childminder to deal with the mornings and the other pick-up. That means we get to spend plenty of time with our son AND keep our careers (and our income) going. Hopefully we'll be able to do it - we haven't asked our employers yet - and I haven't thought about the school holidays but I am sure we'll think of something.

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Mum retrained as a teacher when I started school. Think I was walking to and from school by the age of 7, about 15 minutes. When I got home there was a cleaner, who used to stay until my mum got home from work. She didn't play with me, just watched TV - "Emerdale Farm" I remember.

Then when I was about 12 I became a latchkey kid. When about 14 upwards, my folks got a flat in london and sometimes spent time there during the week. By the time I was 16 my mum seemed to spend loads of time up in London.

I am afraid I don't have particularly happy memories of my childhood, not necessarily a product of being a latchkey kid but maybe mostly my parents slightly self-obessesed, career orientated attitude. They were young parents and had young kids when most of there friends were footloose and fancy free. My mum definitely didn't like being at home with us.

All 3 of us were in childcare from an early age-we aare a loving close family all with a good education careers great partners and friends.
mum was a teacher so had holidays off but in fact i remember holidays as being really really boring......Interesting that a lot of peoples early experiences seem to have shaped their attitudes to being a working mum-to me that is just normal-having said that I am sad at having to leave my gorgeous six month old bundle of ds.
The one thing I do remember as a negative however was mum always stressed and tired because she had to not only work but take on cooking childcare housework etc-dad was unreconstructed male. Have put my foot down with dh about this.

No.

JT was a SAHM - I didn't go to any form of childcare whatsoever and, with a September birthday, started full time school at 5. Despite the fact that I was at home with my Mum till I was 5 (and I didn't get taken to zoos, museums, multiple park visits, do endless arts and crafts, music clubs, baby gym or any other such educational 'necessities' we all seem to think they are) I sailed through school, have qualifications coming out of my ears and have always been successful in work.

I don't remember my mother being unhappy at all - I'm sure she'd tell me now if she was. I'm incredibly grateful that my mum stayed at home and I wouldn't have it any other way for my children.

No, my mother was at home for us always. I remember it as being a happy and fun time, she was a great mum, very inventive and happy and involved us in everything.

I hope I am the same with my dd. She was at home with me until 8 months, then had a Nanny until 2.5 (though I did work at home a lot in that time so saw her loads) and then she started nursery p/t and still has the same nanny p/t.

She is amazingly happy and confident

Really interesting to hear how people remember their own childcare.

I suppose the impact of good or not-so-good SAHP's / care outside the home depends on how happy and successful each member of the family is with the arrangement. Surely both kids AND parents have to feel ok about childcare arrangements in order for childcare to have a positive effect.

Good quality childcare must feel fantastic for a basically-good-kid that is living with parents who are going through hard times. Similarly, poor quality / too much time in a large, not v good nursery must be hard for a v bright / v shy kid with great parents who have lots of commitments outside the home.

On a more general note, I have started to conclude that the government-encouraged growth of the childcare industry is going to have a big impact on family-life for our kids.

I can't think of another culture / period in history where parents have chosen to put under-4's into a non-family environment where there are more children than adults on this scale.

Any anthropologists / sociologists out there who can enlighten me?

I'm sure that in a generation or two, our parenting choices and the impact on our kids are going to be the subject of many a anthrop/soci-ology / economics text book.

I was in p/t nursery. My mum was a teacher, when I started primary school at 6 I was a latchkey kid - my mum would pre-cook my lunch and leave it in the warm oven for me, she'd come home a few hours later so I'd be alone. Her hours didn't really match up with mine.
When I was 10 she moved up the career ladder to a very demanding role in the ministry of education. Both my parents would be out from 7:30am to 6:30pm and I'd be on my own. Sometimes the cleaner would be there for company.

It was horribly lonely and not something I would ever want for my children. I watched far too much crap telly and stuffed my face with the microwave junk my parents bought for me (got very fat very quickly). Still feel sad thinking about it.

I wasn't. Mama was the stay at home type.

I wasn't. Mama was the stay at home type.

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really interesing question. Until I was 12 I had a sahm which was - it has to be said - fantastic. She then went back into teaching - and, tbh it made little difference - still cooked for me, did all the housework, and pretty much always there when I wanted her. However now that I have my own I am a bit shocked at how much she let me take all that for granted. dh always had to pull his own weight and had no illusions about his parents being parents pure and simple - he understood they were people too! Slightly different aspect to what the op asked though.

This is areally interesting thread one that I dread posting on but I will attempt to do so.

My parents, both immigrants in the early 70's worked all hours god sent. They entrusted us (three children) into the care of a neighbour(whom they trusted implicitly) who had three boys at school and one at home. I remember regularly getting beaten and bitten by her and her son - both of them laughing whilst harming me and being locked in a cupboard for what seemed to be hours.I also remember her burning me with a cigarette and then telling my mother than I had done it She looked after me from about the age of 2 - 3.5 ish
I cried and screamed every morning begging my mum not to take me there only to be met with the neighbour smiling and telling my mum that I was such a silly little girl to make such a fuss.

As a young child I didn't really trust anyone including my parents I was very withdrawn and quite a troubled thing. When I started school though that was a different matter altogether and I bloomed - the difference was astonishing I even remember at that young age feeling very at peace and really feeling contented for what seemed to be the first time ever. I still remember how it felt - magical

The problem I have now is I just cannot leave my ds with anyone in one to one care apart from my mum or sister I can just about manage to take him to a creche/nursery but if he cries when I go it tortures me and some mornings I end up throwing up in the loos at work, telling myslef he is fine and not being harmed in any way.

Part of me wishes that I had told me mum about the abuse as an adult but I know it would break her heart if she found out. I'd rather not say anything.

meggymoo. every parent's worst nightmare. It has occured to me often that the idea that you would "know" if tehre was something wrong might be a load of cobblers. You are very brave not to tell your mum - we can all imagine being in her shoes and it would indeed break her heart. Perhaps if you don't feel resentment towards her there's no point. I'm so sorry to hear your story. It sounds, however, that you came out of it ok. but a truly horrible story.

that's very sad meggmoo, sorry to hear that

this is very very interesting
My mum stayed at home for 5 years with my sister and went back to work when I was 6 weeks old (8 years gap between me and my sister and I was a big surprise).

I had Nannies and Mother's helps and aupairs and then farmed out after school to, well not my mum's friends or neighbours, what I can only think of now as a working class family who's child I went to school with that I wasn't particularly friendly wiht, I think my mum must have paid her, and I only mention the class element as I always felt awkward and "posh", I mean made aware of the class divide. Not a very comfortable arrangement for me.

FWIW, my sister and mother have a harmonious and close relationship and my mum and I are intensely similar in some ways but clash when we are together and I 'm certian this is down to me feeling rejected slightly and upset that she cared for my sister herself and not me. But you know, a woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do and I can see that now and I'm sure my mum thought she was doing what was best but it certainly did effect our relationship detrimentally.

And I am also certain that's why I am a SAHM and will be till ds2 starts Kindergarten. I don't want them to feel passed over the way I did.

Shall I get up off the couch now?

i have lovely memories of my childminder. she had a dd who was 2 years older then me and we got on great. i stayed there overnight sometimes as i was really good friends. she looked after me from the age of 3 til i was 10 years old and i loved her to bits.

Aw thanks TWWTSWAH. Yes I wonder and often panic as to whether I would know if my ds was upset if I would be able to distinguish separation anxiety or if something untoward was happening. I did come out of it ok I think. I just thank my lucky stars that we moved towns and I got older meaning her "care" wasn't needed.

I also shudder I mean it could have been so much worse.

My mom was main earner & worked full-time, although somewhat flexi-time . We didn't get along well, I think she was emotionally too volatile and it would have been far worse for me (less stable environment) if she had cared for me fulltime. From 4 months old I was looked after by a patchwork of care, mostly nannies who did a bit of housework, too, or live-in cleaners who also babysat, as well as my dad (student) until I was 1, childminders, pre-school.

I am a very independent, reserved & emotionally-detached person, but so are other people in my family (tho' not my mom).

I don't do hugs but I may have to give you one at the thought of you being shut in a cupboard and burned

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Bless. To be perfectly honest it didn't affect me till I had a baby of my own.

Nice to hear lovely stories too though, gives me more confidence in carers.

no my worries didn't come to the fore til I had my first child either, has that happened with anyone else?