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Original poster

Very concerned about a mum who comes to my class.

44 replies

meggmoo · 09/02/2006 21:51

Long post, bear with me.
Today, following the class that I run, whilst I was packing up said girl asked if I wanted to go for a coffee. We ended up chatting about her ds (who is gorgeous) and was there. It turns out that he has never slept for longer than about 2.5 hours in any period even through the night. He is now 8.5 months.
I asked her if she had tried any methods e.g. CC or PUPD - she hadn't. Anyway we continued to talk and she burst into tears and couldn't stop. I had to take her ds and calm him down/amuse him whilst she let it all out
She has no support from family and her dh doesn't sound too brilliant as he believes he should get his 8 hours sleep a night before trotting off to work and told me that she has been surviving on strong coffee and red bull. She looks a wreck and is only 21!
I have offered to take her ds for her for about 3 hours a week on the proviso that she sleeps during that time just so she can catch up then I also suggested that perhaps it may be the right time to put some kind of method in place to try to crack her ds's sleeping.
The reason I'm posting is because I feel really responsible for her - she's a lovely girl but just crumbling before my eyes. I don't want to appear too full on but I really want to help.
Does anyone have any ideas? I think she should try (just for starters) to at least get a lie in at during the weekend or a few hours sleep during the pm whilst her dh looks after their son and I know she is doing the following:
She baths him at about 10pm
puts him to bed about 11pm - gives him a rusk as he is hungry - then he wakes every 2 or so hours.

I don't really know where to start!

OP posts:
starlover · 09/02/2006 21:54
  1. reduce naps in the day if he has any. let him have say 45 mins in morning and 45 mins in afternoon.

  1. move bedtime forward. bath him at 6.45 let him have a calm play. feed him (milk) and rusk if necessary and then BED.

  2. do a dreamfeed if necessary. (when she goes to bed) if she thinks he is waking through hunger

starlover · 09/02/2006 21:54

did she say what happens when he wakes up? is he upset? inconsolable? how does she get him back to sleep?

Original poster
meggmoo · 09/02/2006 21:56

She said she tried once to do CC and he went blue where he stopped breathing in protest I think she said she rocks him and gives him a dummy. (there was alot to take in).

OP posts:
Original poster
meggmoo · 09/02/2006 21:57

SL - he doesn't nap during the day for longer than 30 minutes perhaps just the once during a day.

OP posts:
LIZS · 09/02/2006 21:58

Perhaps she should bring the evening routine forward - 10pm seems very late to be winding him down for the night. At least then the first waking might be at a more appropriate hour and she stands a chance of training him into a core of sleep during the night. Also how does she deal with the nighttime wakings, could she be inadvertently stimulating him by interacting to stop her dh being disturbed. I'd suggest she makes and almost exaggerated distinction in terms of noise level, light, her reaction etc for night and day.

FioFio · 09/02/2006 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

starlover · 09/02/2006 21:59

ok... well, it'll be hard but i would try the following:

do the routine i suggested below. when he wakes in the night go in, replace dummy, and settle him down (even if that means a quick cuddle and some shushing).
leave the room.
if he cries again, do the same. i never left ds very long if he was crying... just go in, settle him down and leave.
eventually he would fall asleep.
it took us a couple of nights to get him to sleep through when he went through a funyn patch of waking in the night, but it did work and it's nicer than cc!

lucy5 · 09/02/2006 22:00

I wonder if she is breast feeding, coffee and redbull, wouldn't have a good effect.

starlover · 09/02/2006 22:00

what area are you in? and how is she financially? i only ask because osteopathy may be worth a try in case it is something actually niggling him that is stopping himi sleeping

Crystaltips · 09/02/2006 22:02

Get her to contact her Health Visitor who might be able to help.....

Also she could contact Home-Start. The could provide practical help for her on a weekly basis.

HTH

Original poster
meggmoo · 09/02/2006 22:02

Hmm, I think it's similar to what she is doing - the cuddling when he wakes I mean.

I thought I'd sound it out here as I feel very inexperienced offering advice having just the one ds.

OP posts:
Pinotmum · 09/02/2006 22:02

I really think her dp needs t step in so she gets some sleep and then perhaps she'll feel ready to set a new routine up. Could he take some time off? It's too hard to think straight when you're exhausted.

starlover · 09/02/2006 22:04

has she spoken to her health visitor or gp?

Original poster
meggmoo · 09/02/2006 22:04

Lucy she isn't Bfeeding.
Oesteopathy would not be an option (no funds)
Didn't think about homestart. Will look into that now.

OP posts:
starlover · 09/02/2006 22:04

what area are you in? it's just that my friends aunt is an osteopath, so if you were nearby i may be able to help

Original poster
meggmoo · 09/02/2006 22:05

Yes SL her HV suggested she get counselling.

OP posts:
Original poster
meggmoo · 09/02/2006 22:05

south east.

OP posts:
lucy5 · 09/02/2006 22:08

I wonder if a gp could refer her foe oesteopathy, i have friends who it has worked wonders for.

starlover · 09/02/2006 22:08

me too..... crawley here

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 09/02/2006 22:08

I know you might be reluctant - but did you tell her about mn? sounds like she's lonely as well as tired. mn isn;t a solution but it can help. Also sounds like she needs some negotiating skills wrt her dp. tell her that she needs to get her dp to take over at least one morning at the weekend so she can have a LONG lie in - til lunchtime if needs be! There was a recent thread from someone in a very similar position - also very young and with an unco-operatiev dp and she really hadn't thought through the arguments she could present to her dp - she seemed a bit more positive having read a few postings on here. I'll see if I can find it. Also does she get any freshair and a bit of exercise? just walking with the pushchair can make a huge differnce to your sense of well-being

starlover · 09/02/2006 22:08

yes actually lucy5 has a point... some gp's will refer to an osteopath

Original poster
meggmoo · 09/02/2006 22:11

Lucy - that is a great suggestion, the referral I mean.

I suggested the fresh air and we walked for an hour today which she said helped. All great ideas here methinks.

OP posts:
Original poster
meggmoo · 09/02/2006 22:11

TWWTSWAT - she doesn't have a pc/laptop.

OP posts:
starlover · 09/02/2006 22:12

if she can't get a referral and you're local-ish to crawley/e.grinstead then i can have a word with my osteopath and see if she can help at all....

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 09/02/2006 22:24

perhaps it's worth you just having a quick look here and see if there's anything that might be useful to pass on to her about getting her dp to do his share - I really think that's key - things are enormously better with support.