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Original poster

To be privileged is about far more than just a private education - discuss!

158 replies

soapbox · 05/02/2006 22:13

I get a little bored of the endless private vs state education threads, as to my mind private education is a fairly minor part of a privileged upbringing. I don't think it makes as much difference as the opportunities that mixing in the higher social circles brings!

I thought perhpas some honest views might explain further!

Some things that spring to mind:

Socialising with judges, doctors, CEOs, FDs, MPs etc mean that finding a summer placement job is not going to be a problem.

Always knowing someone who can get tickets to the latest sports game or must see concert.

Never being unsure which knife or fork to use!

Knowing exactly what you will get when you order 'posh' food in a restaurant.

Travelling extensively and seeing history where it took place and getting plenty practice of speaking languages in their native lands.

Not having to worry about how to pay for your first car, ditto the deposit for your first city pad!

What have I missed?

[Just to make clear - being privileged doesn't mean being better - or being happy and I do realise that my children might choose to be hippy drop outs - which of course they are perfectly entitled to be]

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 05/02/2006 22:14

Oh just knowing you won't really have to worry materially too.

Twiglett · 05/02/2006 22:16

think it depends on your point of reference

to those who exist below the poverty line privilege is having adequate food and heating

Twiglett · 05/02/2006 22:17

but in your list you missed

nepotism
trust funds
knowing that you hold the red wine glass at the stem not the bowl

Original poster
soapbox · 05/02/2006 22:18

Agreed Twiggy - but I was really addressing the idea that some people have that by sticking with state education they are somehow levelling out their clear position of priviledge.

OP posts:
Twiglett · 05/02/2006 22:19

I know .. was just being arsey

I am on new laptop that DH just set up for me and I'm lying in bed ... now that's privilege

WestCountryLass · 05/02/2006 22:23

From my own perspective, we are not "sticking with state education" but have no other option as we do not have the ability to pay for private schooling for our children.

A lot about the original thread has "got my back up" but then I don't think this thread was aimed at people like me!

Skribble · 05/02/2006 22:24

MY children are privileged! but we are not well off. Life is what you make of it. My children think we are rich anyway .

DS has his own sailing dingy, has been to Paris (not just DLP) and thinks that a static caravan is luxury). We have taken then to many concerts and events and have ensured they are confident eating out and trying all sorts of foods.

They are members of the local NT kids club and DS goes to Youth theatre. DD goes to dance school.

They will have every opportuntity I can give them, they will not be left to hang out in the park smiking fags and drinking bucky .

I am privilaged to have such amazing loving children!!!!!

Original poster
soapbox · 05/02/2006 22:25

Excellent post Skribble!

OP posts:
Skribble · 05/02/2006 22:28

DS was privileged to be given a wreck of a boat with rotting wood and to have an amazing Papa an Uncle to help him restore it, he is privileged that we can go to the nearest loch for the day and sail until the BBQ is ready and eat sausages and cheap crisps until we burst.

WestCountryLass · 05/02/2006 22:30

Sounds idyllic Skribble, that is what childhoods should be made of!

mcmudda · 05/02/2006 22:34

Skribble - where's your nearest loch? We live on the shores of the bonny banks (now that's privileged)

Skribble · 05/02/2006 22:41

I need to remind myself sometimes that that is what life should be all about and that having all the material things matter little when you are in the middle of a stunning loch or a quiet wood. It cost very little to make a picnic luch and drive to the nearest woodland or loch. Even before I could crive I would jump on the train with the kids and MIL would never know where I would be. Sometimes we go to Glasgow and spend the day in the free museums.

My best investment was one of those picnic backbacks for £9.99. I keep it in the car and in the summer I head off and stop at the supermarket or deli to pick up bread and cheese and stuff. Quite often I will pick up the kids from school and head off, DH will phone on the way home and ask "OK where are you today?" and meet up with us.

As for cutlery and glasses who really gives a toss . Just start at the outside and work your way in and for red wine you can hold the bowl its white wine and champagne that you should hold the stem so as not to warm it up. I was privileged to be shown how to eat properly with my fingers in an Indian restruant that my Dad was a regular in and he was a drunk not a CEO .

expatinscotland · 05/02/2006 23:00

Entirely dependent upon point of reference. I am not English or white and my father is what in America is called a 'self made' man - born very poor and then did well financially in life.

Whilst I was growing up, he was a petroleum engineer for a huge oil company and a dual national w/Mexican citizenship, so we lived all over the world but spent a lot of time in Latin America.

What many English people see as priviledged is very, very different from what I grew to think of as priviledged.

northerner · 05/02/2006 23:03

You can not possibly define the word 'privilage' in this siuation. To some children, it's a privilage to receive any kind of eduacation at all.

Socci · 05/02/2006 23:04

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 05/02/2006 23:04

I always get disappointed by threads like these, b/c they make Britain seem such a narrow place. That makes me sad, b/c my kids are both dual nationals, and I can't help thinking if they come to believe this is how Britain works, they are going to be OUT OF HERE like shots.

Skribble · 05/02/2006 23:05

expatinscotland so true. My idea of an top summer placement is what one of my friends did, she worked in a summercamp outside New York with very poor children. Its not something you have to know many judges, doctors, CEOs, FDs, MPs to get.

The more I think about it the more privileged I feel .

harpsichordcarrier · 05/02/2006 23:07

I would consider a child to be privileged is s/he has parents who care enough about them to spend time with them, to teach them things.
this has f all to do with money.
it has everything to do with confidence and self esteem.

jco · 05/02/2006 23:09

I am a poor single mother who survives on my part-time earning and tax credit, To me being priviledge isn't about how much money you have and what you can buy. i believe my children are priviledge for the following reasons.

  • They have a mummy who loves and cherish's them more than anything in the whole world and will always be there for them even when they've done something wrong. They have a mummy who tells them she loves them every day, who praises them for every little thing they do, who picks them up and comforts them when they are sad or feeling poorly. A mummy who talks to them and guides them when they have done wrong. A mummy who doesn't mind if they grow up to be doctors or lawyers, just as long as they are happy and healthy, have a good heart and are kind to others and themselves. A mummy who will be by their sides for the whole of their lives to love them and support them, pick them up when they fall, celebrate with them when they are happy and to hold them close when things aren't going so well.

And I too am priviledge for having two beautiful, clever, funny, sensitive, caring children

expatinscotland · 05/02/2006 23:11

Jco,
Your post brings tears to my eyes! Thank you for such a well-worded and lovely statement - and very true, I might add.

northerner · 05/02/2006 23:12

Yes HC.

In fact I don't like this thread. It's like, yes my child is privelaged in going to private school, lets just list all teh other privilages that come along with it.

A child at a state school mixing with joiners, cab drivers and unemployed, dining out at pizza hut, going to butlins on holiday and having to get saturday job to help pay for first car is therefore underpriviliged?

expatinscotland · 05/02/2006 23:14

'A child at a state school mixing with joiners, cab drivers and unemployed'

In other words, the real world! Yeah, this is a sad thread, b/c as an immigrant I love Scotland. My Scotland is so large, so varied and with such wonderfully different people. There's room for us all here!

Original poster
soapbox · 05/02/2006 23:14

I agree that in many ways this is very narrow - but I started the thread as a direct response to the private vs state education thread as I've already said.

In that context the thread is of course very narrow!

All of the things posted about other ways of defining privilege are in no way mutually excusive! It is perfectly possible to spend your weekends pottering on the water and be well off!

Likewise the working with poor children.

However, that was not quite the point I was trying to make here, which was, no matter what education you choose for your children, thier upbringings can still be full of advantages which mean that other children be it at university entrance or job hunting time, will not be playing on a level playing field.

OP posts:
harpsichordcarrier · 05/02/2006 23:14

I agree with you northerner, it's leaving a nasty taste in my mouth.
nepotism and snobbery are no substitute for being clever .
ime

Socci · 05/02/2006 23:14

Message withdrawn

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