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Original poster

If you understand what do you think..........?

43 replies

jmg1 · 08/01/2006 21:19

Many of you know some of the story.
After a nightmare time and two years of trying to decide what to, I moved overseas (last year)with my three kids. Now I feel stronger and glad to have made the move but I feel I have to try living in the UK again before deciding whether to stay in the UK or Portugal. I have had to come to terms with so much and this is ongoing but I feel I could do better in the UK now and would only miss the huge amounts of sunshine here.
I cannot decide whether to move back to the same area or a new area in the UK. There is some convenience in moving back there but while we lived there I lost my DP, Sister, Mother and Grandmother. Wherever I live the memories will be with me anyway.

I would like to know what you think about whether we go back to the same area or try a new area in the UK?

OP posts:
mummytosteven · 08/01/2006 21:21

Do you feel you have friends/a support network in your old area? Do you think you/your family's needs have changed enough that what you saw as disadvantages to the older area will be any less?

starlover · 08/01/2006 21:22

do you have family in the old area? is there anyhting tying you to it?

spacedonkey · 08/01/2006 21:23

hi jmg

I guess moving back to the old area might make re-adjusting easier for the children?

Twiglett · 08/01/2006 21:23

Is there a particular new area in mind or are you thinking of sticking a pin in a map?

You kept your UK property didn't you JMG? Would you have an issue again with 'in-laws' if you moved back there, would that be lessened by going elsewhere

I think it makes total sense to come back for a while before making the ultimate decision .. I think that's an extremely sensible approach

Personally I think you should go back to the same area .. because if you don't you will be avoiding the key issues of facing up to all you have lost and the heartache that that particular place holds for you .. does that make sense?

Beetrootfultoyourself · 08/01/2006 21:23

Why would you go back to the original place/

what are you missing?

what do you need?

Hello and welcome back btw

starlover · 08/01/2006 21:23

if yuo still have a property in the uk could you sell it and get more for your money elsewhere (in uk?)

spacedonkey · 08/01/2006 21:24

but I think it's a swings and roundabouts situation. A new area might be easier for you - OK, your memories will be with you wherever you are, but surely being in the same area will tend to bring up more memories more often than a new, unfamiliar area would? Perhaps that's not a bad thing - I don't know ...

galaxy · 08/01/2006 21:26

Hi JMG. I missed the bit when you moved to Portugal but well done for making the leap.

Why do you feel a need to come back to the UK? Are you and the children happy in Portugal and do you think it offers you all what you need? If you are happy, why not stay longer and see how things turn out?

If you are uncertain, then in your situation, I think I would come back to a different area. From what I remember, where you were living was part of your problem.

Whatever you do, I'm sure you'll think of your children's stability and security too, being the lovely dad that you are.

Good luck

SenoraPostrophe · 08/01/2006 21:26

it's very hard to say where you should go back to without knowing more but would a different part of the same area be any good (eg. small town outside the city if you lived in a city before or vice versa)? I think that's what I'd do. It is good imo to have the memories close-ish.

alternatively I guess you've only been in portugal for a year? do you really need to try living in the UK again? I ask as i know a lot of people who felt really homesick around the 1 year mark but did eventually settle. Others (including me) still feel homesick though.

Beetrootfultoyourself · 08/01/2006 21:26

same area, same people, moving backwards? New area, new faces, new horizons? Dunno

SenoraPostrophe · 08/01/2006 21:28

another way of putting it would be: same area, slightly different faces, roots. new area, new faces - running away.

spruceylucy5 · 08/01/2006 21:29

Do you feel that you really have settled in Portugal? I only ask because I have been in Spain for two years now and its a real roller coaster of emotions. I dont want to go back to the Uk but I'm not sure I want to be here either. I suppose you have to weigh up the pros and cons of wherever you decide. Could it be that you need to feel settled in yourself and that another move would only be doing what my uncle calls "doing a geographical",changing location but not really adressing whatever is making you feel unsettled. Please feel free to tell me to bog off

Original poster
jmg1 · 08/01/2006 21:33

I have no living close family so thats not an issue. I think its just the convenince of where we used to live.
I was not happy in the UK but there is so much I have been dealing with, my head has been in turmoil for three years and I can see things are slowly getting clearer.
Why I want to move again, it must seem crazy but I feel that I cannot settle anywhere before trying the UK again. I have let our UK house and could move back after giving two months notice. I could also let out our Villa here.
Where we are has lots of good points but it really is a married persons World. I thought this about where we were but it definetely more so here.
I sold a large house in London before moving here and can use funds from that to buy home in the UK.
The new area I am thinking of is Brighton/Hove

OP posts:
Beetrootfultoyourself · 08/01/2006 21:36

It sounds like a new palce in th Uk woudl work well for you. Brighton is ahppening place. Loads of Mnetters down there to help you settle in

spacedonkey · 08/01/2006 21:36

I was just thinking you might be better somewhere with a fairly "cosmopolitan" atmosphere ... I imagine Brighton would fit the bill rather well!

SenoraPostrophe · 08/01/2006 21:40

funnily enough, if and when I persuade dh to move back we will probably move to brighton/hove (or, given house prices, maybe somewhere like peacehaven). slightly different for us as we lived there before for 5 years.

It's a very easy place to settle in as has a large student/immigrant population. the downside of that is that many friendships I made there have turned out to be rather transient. like I say, i'd still move back there.

Original poster
jmg1 · 08/01/2006 21:46

Everyone here says it took them one to two years to settle here and they are married with one or two kids, not a single Dad with three. Much of the ongoing issue is being a single Dad and the feelings of being an outcast that accompanies that.
The mil is not such a problem as she was, I think she has realised that I am stronger than she thought.
The kids are doing great and were also doing well in the UK. I know that moving now is not a big issue for them its when they are older it can be more of a problem for them to keep moving. They were playing in the garden at 5:30 today (in T shirts) that is not an option in the UK at the mo, is it?

OP posts:
spacedonkey · 08/01/2006 21:53

it sounds like you've decided that part of Portugal isn't for you jmg. As you say, it'll be harder to move the kids around when they're older, so better to do it now while they're still little?

Original poster
jmg1 · 08/01/2006 21:57

sp, are you in Spain?
br, would like a partner but given up on that!
sl, I know what you mean about not addressing issues maybe that is one of the reasons I need to give the UK another go.

Think I will come back for a few days house hunting.

OP posts:
Original poster
jmg1 · 08/01/2006 22:02

I feel this is a good holiday location and a good place to raise kids as a couple, but not a place to raise three kids as a single parent (from another Country)

OP posts:
lou33 · 08/01/2006 22:02

same area jmg, it's got good schools and plenty of facilities

Original poster
jmg1 · 08/01/2006 22:04

lou, and you can buy me a beer!

OP posts:
spacedonkey · 08/01/2006 22:04

come back to the UK and have a look around the Brighton area - it sounds like a good location for you and the kids

Original poster
jmg1 · 08/01/2006 22:06

sd, yeah Brighton and lou can buy us both a beer!

OP posts:
lou33 · 08/01/2006 22:07

deal!