Yet another ..................would you be offended.....

[Pfer]

DS1 was the grand old age of 4 yesterday and for the third year my bro and SIL have forgotten.

I wouldn't be so bothered if I'd ever fogotten their daughters b.day for the last 9 years but I haven't, also SIL moaned to me once that her Sister was late with niece's b.day present, so I know if I ever forgot she'd be moaning about me.

So I'm expecting a crappy card with a tenner in it on Sunday night after my mum's been to see them and told them about the fab Darth Vader cake I made, then they'll remember. Happens every year.

Just quite sad that my own brother and SIL who've been together for 17 years forget my kids birthday and I never forget theirs. Just feels a little like they don't care. It's not like SIL has a busy life and doesn't have time to even get a card (hell I'm not bothered about a present, just for them to have remembered) she works part time..... FOR ME!

Sorry, am just a little upset.

Surely the responsibility lies with your brother. WHy blame her and not him?

No, I wouldnt be offended but then I wouldnt think it a big deal tbh.

I think yu justhave to get used to the fact that some poeple forget presents/birthdays and some don't. I am crap sometimes and great sometimes.

Same with the rest of my fmaily.

more things to worry about.

you could call jer and say remember it is dd's birthday next week
you coudl make a joke of it.
YOu coudl (like I do) send the god parents an invite to birthday party, thus remeinding them without embarressing them.

Yes I'd be offended. Really annoys me and my own brother has forgotten ds1's birthday once - I told him how upset I was. He said he was skint and I told him it wasn't about presents - I don't care and ds1 doesn't care - it's about at least phoning him and sending a card, or just coming round to play with him for a bit - that would make his day.

Hercules - as I've said earlier I am upset with BOTH of them, not just SIL.

Actually, I'm over it now. Had my rant and feel much better. Am going to just forget all about it and maybe forget their birthdays this year! Well, I won't, because I'm too nice to be shitty to them about it, pity they're not the same.

Thanks for your voices......

Pain in the bum being the one who makes an effort which isn't reciprocated, I know. Actually I'm quite bad at birthdays but I'd apologise if I was her. And I make up for it by being the one who makes the most effort at Christmas.

If you're really on the verge of sacking her for forgetting your son's birthday I think you may have general ishooos with her, pfer!

My brother and SIL never sent dd a card or present in November for her 3rd birthday. His son came to dd's birthday party and she went to this 3 weeks later. He has never apologised nor commented on the fact they forgot. It's ds's birthday on Sunday so will be interesting to see if they remember that one.

I'm not overly bothered about the present. But a card would have been nice.

I would be really upset and I would have to say something! How hard is it to remember your nephews birthday?????

My MIL has never remembered my children's birthdays - they have had 11 between them! If i mention it after the event she is very apologetic, and says I should remind her in advance. I have tried this, and then when there is still no card after 2 reminders I do get upset. Finally I have accepted that she doesn't do it on purpose ( all the family except the grandchildren who live with her are routinely forgotten) and I just never mention it .
She does care, and always goes overboad at Christmas.

My bro came round yesterday to give DH a stereo and didn't mention DS's birthday at all, just looked uncomfortable when he saw the cards out.

As he was leaving SIL phoned him and he put her on speakerphone (in his van) and we could hear her saying "tell her that daughter has been ill so I couldn't get out to get a card or anything" Fair enough? Except that said daughter has been so ill she's still been going to school!! I walked off to go see to the kids at this point and bro. left looking sheepish.

OK, they forgot again, am upset, but more upset that they feel the need to lie about it.

in the grand scheme of things - it is hardly life or death - my bro and sil never send my two girls cards for their birthday even though one was born on their wedding anniversay. The girls don't notice and we don't say anything - they see the relies when they see them and have a fab time with them BUT really to me life is too short for this sort of carry on.

I always remember to send cards etc to everyone in the family for birthdays - just what I do - so does other sil BUT I am not offended when eldest bro and sil do not send something to my dds.

I am sorry and ashamed to say that I always forget my nieces and nephews birthdays. I have 11 you see, not counting those on dh's side. And my family always give presents to my 2 on their birthdays (apart from one brother), but if I got them all a present, I'd be forever buying presents. I used to do this, but then quickly realised that the kids never appreciated my efforts, I didn't have a lot of money (still don't) so I bought gifts that I thought were unusual or inventive, but unfortunately the children I was buying for thought they were crap. So now I stick to giving them cards, the youngest are 7, the oldest is 18 so they understand that I don't have the money to buy them all a present. And since moving to France I'm afraid I've been very disorganised and half the time their cards are a week late! I do try to make up for it, so if I realise that I've forgotten a birthday, I do telephone to explain and try to put a little something in with the card.

I just hope that I'm not moaned about or thought to be tight by my relations! I have made a resolution to be better organised this year.

My brother used to remember my kids birthdays only because my mum reminded him. Now he is married and living abroad and never remembers - though he usually phones me on mine (only time he does all year!) but mine is a couple of days before his so easier to remember. He is godfather to one of mine too...

I send presents to his son at Christmas and birthdays because I don't feel it is fair to penalise him just because his parents don't reciprocate - SIL is an only child so he doesn't have many relatives on that side. I know my brother and SIL don't have a lot of money so I don't expect presents for mine but a card would be nice, mainly so my kids don't forget about their uncle (we haven't seen him in over 4 years.)

My brother used to remember my kids birthdays only because my mum reminded him. Now he is married and living abroad and never remembers - though he usually phones me on mine (only time he does all year!) but mine is a couple of days before his so easier to remember. He is godfather to one of mine too...

I send presents to his son at Christmas and birthdays because I don't feel it is fair to penalise him just because his parents don't reciprocate - SIL is an only child so he doesn't have many relatives on that side. I know my brother and SIL don't have a lot of money so I don't expect presents for mine but a card would be nice, mainly so my kids don't forget about their uncle (we haven't seen him in over 4 years.)

My brother used to remember my kids birthdays only because my mum reminded him. Now he is married and living abroad and never remembers - though he usually phones me on mine (only time he does all year!) but mine is a couple of days before his so easier to remember. He is godfather to one of mine too...

I send presents to his son at Christmas and birthdays because I don't feel it is fair to penalise him just because his parents don't reciprocate - SIL is an only child so he doesn't have many relatives on that side. I know my brother and SIL don't have a lot of money so I don't expect presents for mine but a card would be nice, mainly so my kids don't forget about their uncle (we haven't seen him in over 4 years.)

Oooh, now I feel guilty Reindeer! Did you post it 3 times just to treble my guilt feelings then?

I should think so to rhubarb! Shame on you, you tight wad.

I can't be bothered anymore, I'll not forget their DD's b.day and unless something horrid happens to me I doubt I ever will.

Just upset that they've now lied. Why can't they just say sorry we forgot? Ho hum, never mind.

Perhaps your s-i-l thought that a white lie would spare your feelings? Rather than say "I forgot" which you might get offended about, she thought that if she said her dd had been ill, you wouldn't think that she had forgotten and so your feelings would be spared? Do you see what I mean? I'm not excusing her lying, but sometimes people do lie for the best of intentions. Why not buy them both a calendar with all birthdays clearly marked on it and then present it to them with a good dose of humour? This should break the ice a little. I bet she's mortified now as your bro will have told her everything!

I think I would be a bit upset. Forgetting once when it's so close to Christmas etc would be excusable but most people would feel terrible about it and make sure they remembered the next year wouldn't they?

Anyway if SIL works for you it should be easy to drop heavy hints next year. Just be unavailable for some task (or rush out of the office early)saying "I can't possibly I'm afraid, I've got to pick up the cake for ds's birthday on ?day!!"

Rhubarb, she's not the type to lie to spare feelings infact she can be quite a horrid bitch. 50% of the time she'll talk to you and the other 50% she'll treat you like dog poo. She really can be unpleasant. So just think she doesn't care. Am so glad I'm not like her.

Pixel - she no longer works for me (but she doesn't know it yet)! Was on a self employed basis and after visiting a client this morning it appears they are not happy with her and want me to do their work again. Surley, late and opinionated were they're words. Sadly I have no other work for her at this time. This will really hack her off and she'll not speak to me for months now. Oh well, can't be helped.

Anyway, still upset with brother, but will let it go and never mention it again!..till next year.

I'm always forgetting birthdays - even of people I know really well - so no I wouldn't be offended.

Pleasantly surprised and pleased when people do remember and mark the day with a card/present but not at all upset when they don't. For either me or my children - neither of whom have a 'right' to receive gits from anyone for any reason.

I really don't get what there is to be so upset about. If you feel the need to do it for others do so because it is obviously important to you but please don't assume when others don't it is because they don't care about you or your childre. They perhaps just don't feel so strongly about the whole thing.

I should think that your children do not have the right to receive 'gits'! Fancy giving gits as presents! Some people, honestly!

gomez - they'd feel strongly if I'd fogotten their dd's birthday. ok for them but not for others, that's not right. still am not upset with them anymore. they can't help the way they are and i can't help the way i am.