Hot Sex for dieters?!

[Kia]

This board is for lustful thoughts to take your mind off food!

One of the best sex scenes is the one in Top Gun with the music 'Take my breath away'. I particularly enjoyed Tom Cruise in this part of the film because...

It's no good, I still want choccy. Organic dark chocolate that just melts in the mouth...

er, sorry about that... back to lust - now where was I? Right, it's got to be knock your socks off stuff, none of your namby pamby love business.

Star - I insist you talk about sex whilst I go raid the fridge...!!

LOL Kia and bless you. You always manage to mirror my thoughts exactly! Your MIL sounds as a**l as mine and she is also totally unreceptive to criticism, so my dh too, has to pay the price. The sight of my body (nude or otherwise) is enough for me to want smother it in a few yards of sacking, and quite frankly, that's not going to help me snare Russell, unless of course, he's got a fetish for women who look like a sack of spuds! I've decided I'm really going to go for it (still starting next week though!) Might even join slimming world (see 'Postnatal weight loss' thread).

My MIL is the same, spotless, everything in its place house. But she always gives our downstairs a going over when we go on holiday which is nice to come home to. Dh informed me a few days ago that Im putting on weight, as if I didnt already know that with all the peanut butter, biscuits and crips lately. Its his fault anyway I buy them for his sandwiches. Then he comes home with a huge bar of chocolate, what does he expect me to do give my share to the dogs, yeah right. Chanelno5, my diet has been starting every Monday for ages, but I really mean it this week, I hope.

Joe1 - I really mean it too. Today I bought the last packet of chocolate covered raisins in the supermarket and I took that as an omen that 'all good things must come to an end'. So that means I can scoff chocolate this weekend, but on Monday, it's raw carrot city!

Why dont you make chocolate covered carrot then you having a bit of good and bad. Sorry I shouldnt say that to one who is determined to start her diet on Monday. I love chocolate covered raisins and stuff them all as fast as I can, always telling myself there is hardly any chocolate on them and raisins are good for you. I dont know what has got into me, Im not normally a chocolate person but cant stop eating it, does this condition have a name??

I think it has a few names:-1. being a 'stressed-out, knackered mother'.2. being Mrs PMS sufferer and 3. being a general greedy cow! I am all 3 - oh dear!

I feel so much better now I know there's a name for it!

Or is it 'Stuff the sex (unless it's with Russell Crowe in his Gladiator get-up)- give me the choolate now!!!'.

I did mean chocolate incase you were wondering what choolate was - That'll teach me to not check my messages properly!!

This thread has made me laugh but I have to put the cat amongst the pigeons! Many men do like ample women, naked and eating cake (or chocolate), and that does play hell with the diet!

Winnie - Please tell me where I can meet men like you've described?

Now that I know there are others like my beloved, I'd better stop calling him a perv!! My mantra tommorrow must be 'fatcowfatcowfatcow' - perhaps I should up the insults somewhat, as this hasn't actually worked in the past! I used to be thin, I did - I've got photos - flat stomach and loads of hair (on my head!) I could wear boob tubes and not worry about them rolling down mid conversation! Russell Crowe fantasy is not doing me any good at all, what about a chocolate breastplate? Or kilt? Oh dear, coming over all unnecessary again. Right! From tommorrow - it's diet city. This time next year I'm going to be able to go into Next and say is size 8 the smallest you've got, only this dress is simply massive! A woman can dream cant she?!

Is anyone else getting the banner advertising on the top of the mumsnet page that has a woman relaxing in the bath? I know its meant to be her arms hanging over the sides of the bath, but it does look like she has the most enormous chest!! sorry, it's not big and its not clever!

No, but it's funny ! I'd not noticed 'til you pointed it out though !

Are you sure that it isn't an enormous breast because I just assumed that it was? Anyway Kia, believe it or not, I read in one of the sunday papers today (it was the Sunday Mirror - there I've said it!) that girdles are this season's big craze, apparently because Nicole Kidman wore one in Moulin Rouge. There you go, I was ahead of this trend because I've been wearing my 'squeeze-it-all' pants for ages! Should I be feeling this proud?

Winnie is right chanelno5 - my dh is the man for you - he loves Lorraine Kelly, j-lo's bum and complains most women are too skinny (kylie, kate moss etc). Liza Tarbuck is also a great favourite along with Caroline Quenton. Good job really as I'm hardly a Kate Moss. Would love to look like Shania Twain. Was just trying to think of the saying about being a skinny .....? but couldn't remember the last word when dh came out with a racing snake - has anyone else heard this saying?

Dh doesnt like skinny women either, he says I look like a real woman, ahh. I used to be alot slimmer with a flat tummy, forgot to take a photo though, damn, thats why nobody believes me. Did I say I was going to start dieting today because I have just stuffed some cheese straws?? I think I will start a new trend and start my diet on a Tuesday. And I dont know if I should say this, but, I dont fancy chocolate today yipeeeee.

You know the problem I wrote about the security man seeing my dress was so tight he could tell I wasn't hiding anything? Well I had me bridget jones knickers on that night and they kept riding up and down all over the place. Try strolling through Paris at midnight, trying to look romantic and having to keep finding dark doorways to pull your drawers straight and NOT a knee trembler in sight! I was SO glad to get them off - if you'll pardon the expression! Not done too badly on the diet today - but just had a kitkat. sorry.

Help me someone, the man in the chocolate breastplate & kilt is on again tonight! Not sure if me old body can take the pace!

Yes, I am! I don't know why, I was an Andy Garcia fan for ages and ages, but well he's just second choice these days! But given Russell Crowe or chocolate, it would be difficult but the chocolate would win. It doesn't tell me i'm overweight or to get a grip (oo-er!) or anything. I'm on day 2 of my diet and have blown it with a crunchie. yum!

I'm doing ok on day 3 of my diet, but all I can think about is chocolate. I'm resisting having any because I know if I start I won't beable to stop! Can't think about men, not even the lovely Russell, as I haven't got the energy or the inclination at the moment. Perhaps I should start putting viagra in my slimfast!

If you're lucky, you might just see me in the next Slimfast ad, frolicking about in a thong bikini - a most attractive sight, I might add, with my stretchmarks and cellulite!

Isn't it viagra INSTEAD of slimfast?! So that they don't care if you're the size of a housing estate!! I've tried to be good and then found cheese muffins from Tesco. Another day another diet, tra la! Beloved is talking about going to see a nutitionist(?) in the vain hope she'll be able to sort his diet out! I know what I SHOULD be doing, I just don't do it! Hey Ho off to my reinforced bed wearing my blu and white marquee nightie!!! Hot stuff or what! (Or what, usually)