The mumsnet philosophy

[handlemecarefully]

Just thought it might be timely to reflect on this:

A word about our philosophy
The thinking behind mumsnet is that by pooling knowledge and experience, parents make the job of parenting easier. Please bear in mind that issues to do with raising children can be very sensitive and that everyone has the right to make their own choices when it comes to bringing up their kids. As far as possible we would ask you to respect other people's right to choose, even if you disagree with them. After all, we all know how difficult this parenting business can be, and if there's one thing all of us could do with, it's some moral support.

Ummm - don't now all have a go at me for arrogantly self appointing myself as the conscience of mumsnet!

Its just that from time to time I have read brittle, quite caustic posts which have made me go 'ouch'. And not being holier than though - I admit that sometimes I have responded in kind when someone has pressed my buttons.

Am I overstating this problem. What does everybody else think?

Should we all just develop thicker skins and just get on with it?

(PS I am not getting at anybody specifically - so please don't think I am posting about you)

Yep, I agree, and a timely reminder can never go amiss.
Given that people often post about quite intimate, delicate subjects, it's important that MN should feel a safe environment in which t be honest. People post about things as a fore-runner to taking that step in 'real life', or because they are too embarrassed to seek help from people they know. That's what makes MN valuable, so as far as possible, I think that should be respected. Mostly, I think people are very good at being honest, not glossing over difficult truths, but giving good supportive advice.

I think a distiction can be made on the more lighthearted Chat threads etc, best not to take anything personally there

OUCH!

Oh M2T!!!

I promise I wasn't getting at you or singleing you out in any way. My PS at the bottom of the thread says I wasn't aiming this at anybody specifically.

Its just something I've noticed generally over a number of threads, and it bothers me personally because I can be very over sensitive (and perhaps paranoid), and sometimes think people are getting at me. Was wondering if others felt like that - and what if anything to do about it

How long have you noticed this for then?

For the last 3 or 4 weeks since I discovered mumsnet...

Was that a loaded question - i.e. you're a newbie how can you possibly have formed such an opinion yet? (sorry, sorry - paranoia again)

Don't you agree then?

it happens every so often - we just ride the wave

I've had many a flounce and even shed tears about some of the things said to me on here!

I just can't let it upset me like that anymore. I did, however, spend 3 hours in a training session this morning thinking about Maisie!!!

One can't help one's opinions. Interesting that MNetters were more shocked at my response than they seemed to be about the awful treatment of a 7 yr old child by his mother!!

BITE YER TONGUE M2T!

P.S Meant that I agree with the philosophy. Think overall topics get a balanced response.

I suppose I am too used to another website - my antenatal club on Babyworld, where this doesn't happen. But then thinking about it perhaps that's all a bit saccharine sweet and false?, also its a much smaller number of regular contributors on that forum if that makes a difference...

I am resolving to toughen up and get a life

Yes, M2T, I was. I think the word I used was 'surprised'. And that was because she WAS starting to take steps to change. She was looking for advice, information and feedback to address a serious problem. And if people (any people, not her in particular) don't feel they can post without being condemned, then the very people who need help most, for the sake of their children, will not post here, and won't get important information and confidence to change.

I think on the whole it is refreshing that people say what they think. I find it a nice burst of interesting conversation. On holiday recently there was some news and I immediately thought, "Wonder what they're saying about this on Mumsnet?"

Exactly Aloha! I do that too.

Blu - So you were not shocked by somebody getting satisfaction in their own childs misery? That is the part that disgusted me!
Hmm...

Perhaps to be discussed elsewhere!!! Before I get shot down in flames again.

M2T, believe me, I was upset about Maizie's son too - it was heartbreaking - but to be fair, she wasn't pleased about her behaviour either and in fact thought she was totally wrong and wanted to change but didn't know how. I didn't think she needed to be told again that she was doing wrong esp in such harsh tones, because I thought she totally realised this, hence the post. I was very glad she was able to seek help and therefore do something practical to change her and her son's life. Certainly nobody told her she was doing the right thing!

The bit about getting satisfaction, well, she said she thought this was 'child abuse' - I don't think there was any element that she was proud or pleased with herself. She was terribly ashamed of that feeling (rightly, of course). I don't think anyone disagrees it was horrible to read, least of all Maizie.

Aloha - I understand that... I realise she thought it was wrong, but I was disgusted and I was honest about that. When it comes to things like that I find it very hard to bite my tongue.... on MN or in real life.

The glory of Mumsnet is that for everyone person that speaks the brutal truth, there is 20 who jump in and make it 'all right again'.

M2T

Am beginning to see your point...

HMC - Which point?

M2T, not ignoring your comment, but Aloha's response covers what I would have said.
AND the thing that you call 'making it all right'. It's not about nicey-nicey glossing over, it's about CONSTRUCTIVE reaction in the face of something which needs changing.

Eh.... batters.... I was defending myself! If you read the whole thread you'll see that I merely pointed out that I had spent 3 hours in a presentation at work thinking of Maisie!

Lets not start another 'have a go at M2t'...

I voiced an opinion that I was attacked for.... I'm allowed to defend myself.

AHEM!

BLu - I think you misunderstood what I meant in that message?

Breathe M2T Breeeaathe.

M2T

Well generally that there might be some merit in being very direct in these circumstances, rather than lulling other person into false sense of security. Basically that it might spur them on to more decisive action if they are jolted by a blunt message into facing the enormity of their problem.

However can also see the other point of view - that it might alienate the person who posted, and make them completely disengage

Ummm - do you think we should stop talking about this...just in case Maisie feels talked about behind her back?

When I posted the original message on this topic I wasn't specifically refering to her situation anyway...

Message withdrawn

HMC - I agree!

Uknowme - Do I know you?