The mumsnet philosophy

[handlemecarefully]

Just thought it might be timely to reflect on this:

A word about our philosophy
The thinking behind mumsnet is that by pooling knowledge and experience, parents make the job of parenting easier. Please bear in mind that issues to do with raising children can be very sensitive and that everyone has the right to make their own choices when it comes to bringing up their kids. As far as possible we would ask you to respect other people's right to choose, even if you disagree with them. After all, we all know how difficult this parenting business can be, and if there's one thing all of us could do with, it's some moral support.

Ummm - don't now all have a go at me for arrogantly self appointing myself as the conscience of mumsnet!

Its just that from time to time I have read brittle, quite caustic posts which have made me go 'ouch'. And not being holier than though - I admit that sometimes I have responded in kind when someone has pressed my buttons.

Am I overstating this problem. What does everybody else think?

Should we all just develop thicker skins and just get on with it?

(PS I am not getting at anybody specifically - so please don't think I am posting about you)

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M2T, I do empathise with your feelings of horror, my concern is that if someone wanting to change is only met by more criticism, they won't post and so won't get help so their children will carry on suffering. That's all. I do understand how upsetting the post was, but unless we can be constructive, then maybe people won't post when they know they are doing wrong and will just carry on doing it, don't you think? I'm not trying to have a go at you, it's more the general principle. If someone came on here saying, I love to shout at my kids and belittle them, and I don't want to change, well I'd probably post very angrily at them too.

Anyway, re the general principle, I actually think Mumsnet is primarily supportive, with a bit of caustic humour and truthfulness to make it more interesting. I respect a lot of people on here that I profoundly disagree with - not that it was always this way, mind

Good point Aloha. I see what you mean. I'm very hotheaded at times like this!

I'm neither agreeing nor disagreeing with you batters.

Must admit, I quite like the more passionate outbursts (not all of them). If this site was always very worthy and earnest I wouldn't find it nearly so entertaining. I don't like being on teh receiving end of some of those 'ouch' comments but then, don't post if you can't take them.

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I'm clearly missing all the more heated threads, as I don't think I've ever noticed anyone being mean to another. . . I do only pick and choose threads that I think I might be able to help on though. Generally, I think everyone has a really good attitude and tone, not judgmental. Have noticed I do get ignored and kill threads occasionally though

Someone once posted 'yawn' in response to a post of mine, which made me see red big time. I think I may well have been a bit intentionally rude back! I have upset people in the past by saying exactly what I thought in no uncertain terms, but have resolved not to do that anymore as it is not worth it - it upsets them and me. I still hold some of the same views, but try to either avoid the debate (if I know I will have trouble holding back) or couch my responses more moderately. And some views I have actually changed due to 'talking' on Mumsnet.

Does that mean you're now going to church aloha

Aloha - have you noticed you have a relative mumstnetter- alohahawaii? The only time I think I've noticed people getting a bit heated up was during some discussion about nutrition and giving children chocolates or crisps or something. Maybe it was just me . . . since I give DD crisps when I'm eating them.

No, I haven't started going to church, but I no longer assume that all religious people are crazed fanatics Seriously, I am still very much an atheist, but hopefully a less intolerant one. Some religious people have turned out to be quite nice... Still oppose Church shools' discriminatory admission policies though! (light blue touchpaper...)

I can also now understand why people go for homebirths etc, even if they aren't my bag (also assumed they were 'weave your own lentils and bay at the full moon' types before, but now realise many are quite normal and even wear nice shoes.

I still don't smack, but don't think all 'smackers' are sadists, either, which I used to.

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Oh well I think that all atheists are doomed, that children should be smacked regularly and that every woman should be forced to have a home birth - what's wrong with you? Can't stand a bit of pain?????

Custy would be proud of that!

Tinyfeet, re killing the threads and being ignored - I think we all feel like that sometimes. Or maybe it's just you and me

I can't believe you've missed the heated threads - or maybe I'm just drawn to them - smacking, working mums vs sahm's, gina ford, smoking...etc, etc

I was just shutting down before going to bed - but thanks for the giggle! And yes, Bloss, you may take a bow and there are others too who have made me see that my prejudices may not always accord with life. Nice to change your mind at my time of life!

Anais, now that I'm looking for them, I have found a couple. I hate to say it, but I think I've noticed a pattern with certain mumsnetters. All in all, though it does seem that most people provide constructive advice and are not judgmental.

Oi Rhubarb! - and just when I was going to credit you with really pulling me up short (quite rightly) on one thread when I was thoroughly out of order. I think experiences like yours have made me a bit more thoughtful in my responses recently (I'm no Mother Theresa though, mind and still get carried away). For example, I interviewed someone recently whose baby died in the womb - and because I'd read the experiences of Marina etc I instinctively said, 'I'm so very sorry your baby died," and she told me I'd said exactly the right thing, and I felt very grateful to Mumsnet for that.

Aloha - you out of order? Never!
I've learnt a fair bit from Mumsnet too. It's great how mums on here come from all classes, backgrounds and races and no-one judges because we are all anonymous and therefore all the same!

Now I am going as my dh is looking over my shoulder and really irritating me!!!!!!

Look, stop angsting about all this - I'VE GOT A LUMP ON MY FOREHEAD, HELP!!!!

I'm grateful for mumsnet because the other day I was able to talk reasonably knowledgably and sympathetically to someone who looked after her autistic nephew one day a week.

I've really been quite ingnorant of special needs before now but I've found the threads really interesting and learnt so much as a result.

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