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Original poster

Who has to organise the presents/cards/thank-you letters for your dh's family?

43 replies

frogs · 23/12/2005 11:40

I organise all of the above for my (very large) extended family, including sending photos and children's cards to elderly relatives abroad, organising presents and parcels, and making the children do thankyou letters after Christmas and birthdays.

Dh is pretty slack about organising this kind of stuff for his relatives -- one elderly aunt sends him quite a generous cheque on Christmas and birthdays, and he hardly ever writes to thank her, despite my nagging him. Left to his own devices he would just about manage Christmas pressies for his mum and dad, but no more. I organise Christmas/birthday presents and cards for BIL's children, but draw the line at doing this for adult relatives.

I'm slightly stunned by the number of MNers who seem to take responsibility for social duties wrt in-laws -- am I just shirking my duties as a good wife and DIL, or should a man sort out contact with his family himself?

OP posts:
fisiltoe · 23/12/2005 11:41

dp's parents don't get anything usually - it is up to him to sort it out, and he doesn't.

acnebride · 23/12/2005 11:45

for inlaws dh does cards and thinks of the presents - he truly loathes the shopping and wrapping so I am happy to do that as I enjoy both although it is a bit of a pressure. any thank yous he can do himself!

dh is also much better at phone calls than me and badgers me to call my friends and stay in touch. i actually do appreciate this as i like being in touch but find making the call scary.

i do feel a pressure though to make us appear a generous, well-mannered couple. dh got in a grump about not receiving cards from any of his friends and only wrote to 1 - in the last few days all his other friends' cards have arrived (gosh how amazing). that's up to him, though i find it a bit frustrating.

sorry so long!

TroutSprout · 23/12/2005 11:46

yes he should...and no mine doesn't...so yes i do

SKYLERtnightholynight · 23/12/2005 12:14

This year I have done it all! It is the first time though and we have been together 8 years. I was fed up with nagging him and his wrapping is crap. We had to be very organised though as we are in Cyprus and so had to get stuff to post back to the UK. I have told him it won't be happening next year......some hope. I do actually feel good for having done it all though and DH is grateful.

Enideepmidwinter · 23/12/2005 12:14

i do everything

Enideepmidwinter · 23/12/2005 12:14

oh actually he does do the wrapping as he is much better than me

mrsflowerpot · 23/12/2005 12:19

DH has done none of it this year. Most years he does some of it, albeit with significant prompting from me, but this year it's been all down to me (he's been having a horrible time at work to be fair, don't know when exactly he would have done any shopping). I honestly don't mind shopping etc for the in-laws because they have always been so good to me that I don't really think of them as just 'dh's family', they are part of my family too. I realise how lucky that makes me...

but I do draw the line at dh's friends, none of them have had a card this year because I don't do them and dh hasn't bothered.

JonesTheSteamingSanta · 23/12/2005 12:19

I do pretty much all, although DH was better this year than normal - chose his mum's present, came with me to choose BIL's present and also bought his brother's.

I have to wrap everything though, and write all the cards (which I don't normally mind, but this year everything seems to have been rushed!!!!!!)

TBH birthdays annoy me more - he expects me to remember all his family's birthdays, and this year I lost my diary so didn't have any of them written down anywhere. As a result we missed his mum's birthday. That really irritates me! I can remember my family's birthdays without them being written down - why can't he remember his!!!!!

Pinotmum · 23/12/2005 12:22

I buy them and wrap them but get him to post them as I hate our Post Office with it's rude staff

mrsflowerpot · 23/12/2005 12:24

Aah yes, birthdays too Jonesthesteam, I forgot dh's niece's birthday this year (something to do with having just had a baby and then moved house I think) and although I remembered on the day that we had forgotten iyswim, dh had no idea it was even her birthday that month. Actually that did annoy me, because it was clear that I was the one that was in trouble with SIL for forgetting, not dh.

acnebride · 23/12/2005 12:25

i can't remember my dad's and brother's birthdays without writing them down. one is in june and one is in july but i couldn't tell you which off the top of my head. have sent cards on each other's birthday before.

mumfor1sttime · 23/12/2005 12:26

Me of course!!

mumfor1sttime · 23/12/2005 12:26

Me of course!!

mumfor1sttime · 23/12/2005 12:26

oops

colditz · 23/12/2005 12:36

I have been quite spiteful this year.

I chose, paid for and wrapped the presents for my MIL on my own - so I have signed them from me. And only me.

I am sick of dp getting credit for well thought out presents when actually he never even pays for them, never mind chooses them.

We3kingsofOrinocoare · 23/12/2005 21:24

Give you one guess

Dh managed to send one Christmas card this year - that's 100% increase on previous years!

WigWamBam · 23/12/2005 21:25

Three guesses ...

tassis · 23/12/2005 21:27

i do it all

but i don't mind really

Hulababy · 23/12/2005 21:30

I take responsibility for doing this stuff for both sides of the family. Always have done. Dh gets my presnet and that's it.

But to be fair to him, he does other stuff for us that I don't do.

merrymarchhare · 23/12/2005 21:30

I'll just parp myself now.

PennyLess · 23/12/2005 21:33

Yep I do everything too.

Best one was his gran's 98th b'day in the summer. I ordered her pres and got it delivered to her and she phoned when he was out and told me how he had kindly done this and would I please thank him for her!!!!!!
I certainly didn't sign it just from him!

COPPERfeelunderSantasTOP · 23/12/2005 21:37

Dh chooses and buys the presents for his family. My only contribution is wrapping them up as he hates it.

DanceOfThePeachyPlumFairy · 23/12/2005 22:10

Ooh you meanies- you have just reminded me I shuld be wrapping his gifts for him to give, not typing on MN.

Bah.

he buys some, (I won't let him do his Mother, hate to think what she'd get! Saying that I got such tat this year for her...) but i co-ordinate everything. I couldn't abide it any toher way, control freak me. All in it's little labelled carrier bags, even made fimo tags for the kids pillow cases .

My Mum has to buy her own card from Grandad and then write it to herself. When Nan died she was expected to take over (she's one of four so considering a word with her siblings)

notasheep · 23/12/2005 22:29

Dp is an adult and intelligent,so he has to do it himself,no choice,I am neither his mother or servant

kleist · 23/12/2005 22:34

Yoo-hoo, notasheep -

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