Who has to organise the presents/cards/thank-you letters for your dh's family?

[frogs]

I organise all of the above for my (very large) extended family, including sending photos and children's cards to elderly relatives abroad, organising presents and parcels, and making the children do thankyou letters after Christmas and birthdays.

Dh is pretty slack about organising this kind of stuff for his relatives -- one elderly aunt sends him quite a generous cheque on Christmas and birthdays, and he hardly ever writes to thank her, despite my nagging him. Left to his own devices he would just about manage Christmas pressies for his mum and dad, but no more. I organise Christmas/birthday presents and cards for BIL's children, but draw the line at doing this for adult relatives.

I'm slightly stunned by the number of MNers who seem to take responsibility for social duties wrt in-laws -- am I just shirking my duties as a good wife and DIL, or should a man sort out contact with his family himself?

sheep, excellent, another one with a robust approach!

All you people who dp's family's presents yourselves, is it because you genuinely like your in-laws and want to please them? Or because your dh asks to you to take over? Or do you just do it because he won't, and secretly you resent it like crazy?

I do feel vaguely guilty about not doing more, particularly since I can see how my own elderly relatives adore getting letters, cards and photos of the kids. Whereas the oldies on his side don't get any of that, because he doesn't organise it. OTOH, his side aren't nearly as close a family as my side -- I doubt if he could pick his two first cousins out in a line-up, whereas I know all my 25+ second cousins as well as the first ones. So maybe that's normal in his family and it's just me feels we should buck the trend?

Letters to second cousins...

let's see, dad was one of 16; Mum one of 4.

i think my postage bill would save the Royal mail !!

It's tit for tat, couldn't be arsed to make tea (Dh did a chilli), so i do the wrapping. And I like Chrsitmas shopping.

dp has just gone out to buy some Champagne-now thats what i like to hear1

I think a man should take his fair share of the responsibility on this sort of thing. But having said that, my dp is jewish so I am immediately absolved from having to worry about any of this >

If I didn't do any of this, it would never ever get done.

The worst was when dh had cancer and his long-lost godfather sent him a lovely card with a beautifully thought-out message in it. I felt he should have been moved enough to reply, not there and then when he was having chemo, but later. That was five years ago.

Dh does it. Agree with notasleep- I am neither his mother or his servant!

Good god, of course I don't. He's grown up. Admittedly I don't know them that well, so it really isn't my business, but why on earth should I?

Having said which DP did very sweetly buy my sister and her partner a present this year, which I found very touching.

I genuinely don't see that it's any of my business whatsoever. They're his relatives. I've got my own to worry about, dammit.

I've done Christmas, birthdays, mothers' day etc cards/pressies for DH's family for 28 years. Just beginning to resent it a bit now. Maybe he could do the next 28!

But why, 80's mum? Is he incapable physically of doing so?

dh does the shopping for his parents and this year he did all the present shopping for both children too as well as all the food shopping and cleaning and tidying the house.

I bet other people say "he's amazing" and "you're so lucky"!

Not physically incapable, no. Just would never get round to doing it, and I would feel so guilty about getting my mum something and not his, for mothers' day for example. So I've always done it. DH is just hopeless with cards, presents etc. I don't buy him anything for Christmas or birthdays any more, so that he doesn't feel bad that he hasn't got me anything! I no longer mind not getting anything. The fact he's still with me after 28 years (and I haven't always been easy to live with!) and all the help and support he gives me in so many other ways, tells me all I need to know and more than compensates for lack of pressies

hercules, they do! ha ha! You never hear people saying 'ah, you know she shops, cooks, cleans and does everything else for her family, wow, she's amazing' or 'aaah, look at her, feeding her children' do you?

I get it all the time. My mum thinks my dh is a one off rarity who is to be blessed at every opportunity. Never mind, she worked full time and did all housework, child rearing etc. She takes it as her lot in life.

just read the titel and all I have to say is

HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [irony emoticon]

I do it all, but then dh is incredibly busy at work and I have more time, so don't mind.