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Original poster

do you let you children open their presents as they see relatives? advice needed

110 replies

emily05 · 19/12/2005 18:18

all of dh relatives and a couple of mine want ds to open his presnts when we see them over christmas. Nobody ever bothers visiting us, so we have to ferry around. so ds will get the majority of his presents on the 26th, 27th and 28th of dec. He will have about 10 presents on christmas day (mainly from us)

How do I explain this with regards to father christmas? does father christmas leave presents at everybody elses house for ds? what do you all do with regards to presents? are the ones you get your children the only ones they open on christmas day?

Hope that this makes sense x

OP posts:
tamum · 20/12/2005 17:28

Yes, I agree actually, tortoiseshell. I've never come across the concept in RL though.

shepherdswatchedtheirflockets · 20/12/2005 17:32

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EasyOnTheSherryPlease · 20/12/2005 17:35

But my son knows that the presents have been sent to FC, so that he can deliver them ON CHRISTMAS DAY. It's one of the reasons Christmas day is special (the other being the birth of Jesus, which is why we are celebrating anyway). And he writes thankyou letters for them all.

Rude indeed!!!!

And the BIL's lot give that excuse as well, children are overwhelmed by too many presents at once. Well I remember my childhood, I remember the wonderful excitement caused by seeing a pile of presents all together, and I can see the shine in ds's eyes as he starts to open them all.

Actually tortoishell, my response to you is "bah Humbug", and you probably think that is rude too.

SKYLERtnightholynight · 20/12/2005 17:36

Tortoiseshell - I have to agree with you on that one. A big part of buying a present is for the giving and seeing the (hopefully positive) reaction. I think it is a bit much to get 'annoyed' that people want to do this with the gift that they have chosen.....Before Christmas Day I would prefer them not to be opened but after Christmas Day then that is great IMO. I guess this is easy for me to say though as I find it a bizarre concept that FC delivers everyones presents (!). Why would he? It is interesting though and gives me a clue of questions to find answers for when my dd's are older.

SKYLERtnightholynight · 20/12/2005 17:38

Do you not miss having the 'look' of all the presents under the tree?
I used to love sneaking a feel of my presents when my parents weren't looking and trying to guess what I had. That was definately part of the excitement for us.

tortoiseshell · 20/12/2005 17:40

Well if I've got a present for a child I'd like to GIVE it to the child, not have it given by a fictional character thank you very much. And my ds IS overwhelmed by presents - he can literally manage 2. And then can't open any more for the rest of the day, the 2 excite him so much.

I'm not a humbug, and I do think it's rude to get annoyed with someone for wanting to give your child a present.

SKYLERtnightholynight · 20/12/2005 17:40

My MIL keeps all the presents she has ever given dd1 at her house too. I think this is a great idea as well as it gives her something to play with when we are visiting there.

tortoiseshell · 20/12/2005 17:42

My parents live 300 miles away, and are always very generous to my children - should they post all the presents and then miss out on seeing them open them?

BudaBabeInAManger · 20/12/2005 17:47

Haven't read the whole thread but in our house Santa always brought toys that were left under the tree (not even wrappend in our case!) and we also got presents from grandparents and sometimes aunts and uncles (depending on how flush everyone was).

Now with DS Santa fills his stocking and leaves presents (wrapped) under the tree. All other presents are from relatives/friends and opened whenever the present is given.

Have NEVER come accross the concept of Santa leaving ALL presents - very weird! But different strokes etc etc. I have never even heard of any friends doing that.

roisin · 20/12/2005 17:50

I'm with you on this tortoiseshell. Our relatives all live a long way away, and some of them we only get to see once a year. If that happens to be around Christmas time it seems only fair and reasonable for them to see the boys open their presents.

Children really don't need the huge heap of presents we think they do.

shepherdswatchedtheirflockets · 20/12/2005 18:46

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Passionflowerinapeartree · 20/12/2005 18:51

Only pressies in stocking are from Father Christmas, like cpcakes all other are from the people who give them.

I refuse to do ferrying around, so godparents etc come to us to see girls and do pressies and we let them open them and there. DD's have already had pressies from one of their godmothers. I don't mind spreading it out as they have so much on Christmas day anyway and they can thank the person at the time rather than doing loads of thank you notes.

ISawFrannyandZooeyKissingSanta · 20/12/2005 19:17

I must admit I agree with the people who think it is terribly rude to insist that the present is given how and when you want it. A huge part of the enjoyment of giving a present is to see the recipient's face as they open it.

If you feel it is essential for your children to have an enormous pile of presents to enjoy Christmas Day then I'm afraid it is your responsibility to provide them.

ISawFrannyandZooeyKissingSanta · 20/12/2005 19:37

Sorry, that sounded terribly pompous but I must say it made me feel quite shocked and disapproving! Do rethink this thing of telling people they must send the presents to you - it gives people such pleasure to do it their way and doesn't detract from the magic of the day for your child.

nooka · 20/12/2005 19:46

I'm with tortoiseshell and others here. We don't do Father Christmas at all, and I am amazed at the extraordinary lengths that some families appear to go to to create the whole fantasy. I was brought up without Father Christmas and Christmas was still magic for me, so I don't see the point personally. That said I don't know anyone in RL that goes to such lengths, so I haven't seen if their children are very much happier than mine at Christmas (maybe they are). Of course it is each to their own, but I think it very important for my children to understand about giving and recieving presents from those you love and love you, so they make presents for all the relatives, and I prefer them to open presents when they are given them by that person. The pleasure of seeing someone open the present that you have made or chosen is for me, the highlight of Christmas. If anyone I knew insisted that "Santa" gave their children the present I had chosen them I think that I too I would not give them anything.

tortoiseshell · 20/12/2005 19:48

The comment that got me (and I really don't want to single anyone out, maybe it was badly phrased) was "I want Santa to be alive and well in my kid's imaginations for many years and certain relatives insist on visiting over the Christm break to give their prezzies. It really hacks me off."

Really not getting at any one poster (please don't flame me!)

tortoiseshell · 20/12/2005 19:50

The other thing that occurred to me after posting earlier was that for lots of the people who give ds and dd presents, they're not really sure who they are (my uncles and aunts, friends of my parents), and if they were 'delivered' by Santa, and I said 'That's from great aunty mildred' it would mean nothing to them, whereas if great aunty mildred herself rolls up with a present, there's a connection made, and they're more likely to remember her, and the fun time they had (hopefully!).

shepherdswatchedtheirflockets · 20/12/2005 19:51

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Nightynight · 20/12/2005 19:53

emily - wow. 10 presents at once is a lot.

Chill out a bit! dont explain anything to him, just go with the flow and take life as it comes. Your ds will have a great time doing a present-crawl, and your relatives will have the pleasure of watching him open their carefully selected gifts.

nooka - I could have written your post!

Original poster
emily05 · 20/12/2005 19:53

thanks for all of your input. It was really helpful.

I think that I am more pissed off with trapsing around to everybody houses so that they can give ds his presents ifyswim. I think that next year if they want the joy of giving ds a present they can do the running around and come over to us for a change!

OP posts:
Original poster
emily05 · 20/12/2005 19:55

Nightynight - crossed posts! they are only small things - dont wnat to give the impression that we are loaded! lol mostly £2 toys - ds will still appreciate them though. I do need to chill out it is probably more an inlaws issue really and another thread!

OP posts:
merrySOAPBOXingday · 20/12/2005 20:02

In our house Santa brings all the presents that mum and dad have bought, including stockings, but presents from anyone else are from them not Santa.

All of our presents to each other (other than Santa's) and to family and friends provide the pile under the tree leading up to christmas. The children buy presents for each other and for myself, DH and grandparents too.

I'd be very pissed off if someone suggested I have to hand over my presents for their children just so they've got an acceptable sized mountain on christmas morning! I spend a lot of time choosing the right presents for people and thier children and I want to see them open them!

Nightynight · 20/12/2005 20:05

mm yes, I get your drift now emily!
Next year, announce that you're staying at home because ds got too tired last year (!) and they can all come and deliver their pressies!

Tortington · 20/12/2005 20:55

fck 'em - if they were that arsed they would come to you.

Hulababy · 20/12/2005 21:05

I think much of this is upbringing and how you did things as a child.

ALL of mine and DH's families have always done the giving presents on Christmas Day. There is never any suggestion from anyone that a present might be given at any other time than Christmas Day morning. Just wouldn't cross anyone's mind in the family.

Just as some people find it strange to have the "all presents at once" scenario, I find it strange to not have all the presents delivered by Father Christmas (note, not FROM FC just delivered) on Christmas morning.

DD will get tons and tons of presents all at once - only child and only grandchild/neice on both sides, plus 2 large families on each side. But she won't open them in one mad rush. She will open some int he morning and then play, some a bit later, play again and so on right through the day and probably into Boxing Day too.

And then we thank people on Christmas day by phone, later in person and also send out letters in the New Year. We don't really have family we don't see, so DD knows who has bought what, no problems.

Was chatting to DH about this thread earlier. Really really interesting to see how people do things differently in each house.