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Original poster

so if someone says something racist to you....

41 replies

harpsiheraldangelssing · 06/12/2005 15:57

do you challenge them? or are you too embarrassed?
if we let racist comments go unchallenged then does the other person presume it's Ok to repeat them...

OP posts:
Tinker · 06/12/2005 16:03

Depends who it is. If I know them I'll ask "Are you being racist?" If I don't know them I'll not acknowledge the comment and/or say something along the lines of "Well, that's not quite right is it?"

Blandmum · 06/12/2005 16:09

I challenge them. I make a special point of doing it to the kids I teach. I also pick them up on homophobic/ sexist commennts/ anti disability coments.

Mercy · 06/12/2005 16:11

It depends on the circumstances tbh. I have been on the receiving end of racist comments or in the presence of a group of people expressing racists views - and have been genuinely too frightened to say anything

handlemecarefully · 06/12/2005 16:15

In all honesty - I am probably too embarrassed to challenge, although I agree that I should.

Pixiefish · 06/12/2005 16:16

Not necessarily challenge them but I would say something along the lines of please don't say things like that in front of me- thus letting them know that i don't like what they say.
If it were the kids that I teach then I'd ask them WHY they thought/felt that and have a discussion with them to try and get them to see a different viewpoint

Blandmum · 06/12/2005 16:19

pixiefish, tbh, most of the kids know that it is wrong anyway IYSWIM. Once 'called' on it they tend to appologise. I don't work with many hard line racisits

anorak · 06/12/2005 16:26

In most cases I do challenge it, if I'm worried it might lead to an argument I use silence and non approval as weapons. I think it's important to register some kind of feeling as that is the only way racists ever begin to think they are in the minority and may have to think again.

NotQuiteCockney · 06/12/2005 16:27

I always challenge it. But then, I'm foreign, and allowed to challenge things.

Helpfully, I'm kinda dykey-looking, so people generally assume I'm a yoghurt-knitting vegetarian lesbian. So they don't tend to share racist/sexist/homophobic views with me.

Blandmum · 06/12/2005 16:29

LOL at your self portrate NQC!

gggimmesnowsnow · 06/12/2005 16:33

Because I am a white Zimbabwean/South African, people often assume I am racist. Which is in itself an inverted form of racism.

NotQuiteCockney · 06/12/2005 16:35

I'm not a vegetarian, or a lesbian. I do knit.

I thought having kids meant people would assume I was a breeder (duh) but apparently they just assume I'm a former lesbian or bi person. Which is a fine thing to be, but that's not who I am.

Why is being a straight butch girl such an unlikely thing to be?

teeavee · 06/12/2005 16:36

as per my post on the other thread, I wish I HAD challenged racist creep taxi-driver...but I didn't - was too taken aback at the time. I really wish I had though.

Sometimes racism is couched in ambiguous terms and can be quite difficult to counter outright - also depends on who it is, the context, etc. My MIL is homophobic, my FIL racist - but I doubt they would ever admit to his themselves, and their comments are often sublty prejudiced rather than overtly bigoted. This makes it more problematic...
These, imo, are the most difficult attitudes to challenge.

Mercy · 06/12/2005 16:40

Completely agree teavee.

Tortington · 06/12/2005 16:43

to my family i usually say " i can't really comment on that as i#'m not racist"
to which i get
" no no neither am i ...."

MascaraOHara · 06/12/2005 16:44

It's difficult isn't it.

My mum makes comments that make me cringe, I don't necessarily think she's racist, I just think she is out of touch with what is and isn't acceptable these days.

If I know the person I will say something, what I say will be dependant on who it is and what they said.

If I don't know them or don't know them very well I won't say anything - but I know I probably should.

izzybiz · 06/12/2005 16:44

if my kids were present i would just ask them not to speak that way in front of them, if not then i would be likely to get a bit nasty, its my BIGGESThate!

Chrismurfgirl · 06/12/2005 16:44

9 times out of 10 I challenge.

DPs housemates are racist and don't seem to realise it, I seem to spend a lot of time arguing with them because I disagree with their POV. Luckily they do listen and don't take offense.

MascaraOHara · 06/12/2005 16:46

Oh Actually IzzyBiz, you've made me realise.. I always say "Don't say things like the in front of x" when dd is about.

teeavee · 06/12/2005 16:47

I also cannot bear it when people tell racist 'jokes' about the Welsh and then say I have no sense of humour when I don't laugh.
It is so, so crass.

DinosaurInAManger · 06/12/2005 16:48

I do challenge it, yes.

Poshpaws · 06/12/2005 16:53

I challenge it all the time. Same with homophobic and sexist comments.

However, it does depend on what one thinks is racist. If someone said coloured instead of black I would not get uppity about it, but if they were blaming all immigrants for the nation's ills or referring to people in derogatory terms, then yes I do say something.

awayninahmanger · 06/12/2005 16:56

yes I do

expatinscotland · 06/12/2005 16:56

'I also cannot bear it when people tell racist 'jokes' about the Welsh and then say I have no sense of humour when I don't laugh.
It is so, so crass.'

I get that, too, about Scots. Then I just look really sad and say, 'Wow. That's really hurts my feelings. My husband and daughter are Scots.'

People usually get really embarrassed then.

I challenge at the time. I also find making it personal, 'Honestly, you think that? Geez, my brother/dad/husband is black/Latino/homosexual, etc.'

Blandmum · 06/12/2005 17:00

teevee, or when someone on MN posts about how horrible and pointless Wales it to 'teach us' about racism! LOL Not!

hativity · 06/12/2005 17:00

I've recently got braver about not just letting it go. I have to admit I don't embark on a lengthy exposition of why I think racism is wrong, but I do try to respond in a way that makes clear that I am not racist and do not wish to engage in any sort of racist conversation. I quite often find that the sort of racist comments I encounter are ill-informed ones about "fact" - the "they" do "this" don;t they? kind of comment. So I try to respond by, "well, no actually...." or "I don;t think you can generalise". Very often (unsuprisingly) they come from less well-travelled people so I can say "when i went to Pakistan/Egypt/Zimbabwe...." or "I have a colleague from Algeria who..." and cite something to contradict them. It usually shuts them up cos the fact I've been there and enjoyed it and met people, or that I work with and (heaven forbid) even like someone from a foreign country makes them realise I ain't going to join in.