so if someone says something racist to you....

[harpsiheraldangelssing]

do you challenge them? or are you too embarrassed?
if we let racist comments go unchallenged then does the other person presume it's Ok to repeat them...

So what sort of reaction do you get if you challenge an adult making an overtly racist comment?

Hativity - you just answered my q!

I think it depends on the person. When I have doe it to family members I have seen a squrming back tracking 'I don't think thtat all of 'them' are like that, I'm not a racists' sorta thing

When I make it personal, I always get an apology and/or embarrassment. I'm a fair-skinned woman of Latin American descent, and in the US, a lot of people would make racist remarks about Hispanics and not realise that I am Hispanic. If you put my full sister next to me, you'd be surprised we're so closely related. Ditto my father.

So I'm used to people making racist comments thinking it's okay to do so b/c it's somehow 'safe'.

It's not and never is.

mercy - I'm not sure if what I do is really "challenging" - it's challenging the particular comment on a point of fact, whilst attaching a subtext of "i think you were being racist and I'm not", it's not tackling the underlying racism head on. But I've never got into a fight about it! But then again, it only works with that particular kind of racist comment. Not sure about something more overtly racist. I don't come across it that much - certainly not amongst friends or family.

I've given up with my parents. They don't think they are racist, but they make me cringe soem of the things they come out with. They were certain that dp was going to sit at home and expect me to run around after him, and admitted it was because he was indian they assumed that. They complained about it when I first got with him cos I already had white kids, and would end up with a 'right mixture'. They don't have a clue about the differences between muslims and hindus, and walked around croydon saying about 'coloured' people in very loud voices. dad tells racist jokes all the time that I find offensive, and he must know they are cos he ahs never repeated them in front of dp! No matter how much I try to correct them, it goes in one ear and out the other.

problem is, the vast majority of racism is not actually the sort of comments discussed here. It is carried out in an indirect way, towards people who belong to a different ethnic group. It is incredibly difficult to challenge, because it usually involves some deceit that can't be proved.

For example, giving the wrong directions. Or charging too much for a ticket. Or moving someone's name to the bottom of a queue. Or suspecting someone of a crime. Or applying the rules stringently to one ethnic group, while bending them for another.

These things are simply impossible to prove, the racist can always say that they "made a mistake" or it was "just a coincidence, and you're too touchy about racism"

I only noticed them after I married dx, because I realised how much harder life was for him (foreign in UK) than for me (native and white).

Nightynight I agree totally.

Kelly1978 about your parents. I was born and raised in Croydon and know that there are many Black and Asian people there. Your parents must be hoarse by the end of a stroll around town

Lol! all depends. If it's 'ngger btch' shouted out of a passing van as it was the other month..
errr no
but if it's my mum saying 'You know ...they're Asian ...but they are very nice'
then yes

I challenge them.
I have challenged in public (the woman called me 'judgemental' pmsl).
I have withdrawn custom and been explicit about why.
I have also written to follow up and tell them exactly how many customers I know they have lost.

(I sound like a crusader )

I have told my mother I do not wish to hear her lazy Daily Mail racism. But in old people I let it go because they don't get out much and therefore I think do relatively little damage.

I still get shocked when people say racist things to me and sometimes I have the presence of mind to challenge and other timea ma so shocked and disappointed I don't know what to say.

Recently a friend anounced she was leaving London cos she was fed up of all the immigrants moving in. She was say this to me (a white immigrant and to our friend daughter of a black immigrant). I honestly don't think she had a clue that we might have been upset ny this. I was so disappointed and felt that I didn't really know her and said nothing. I suppose I vote with my feet and have very little to do with her now.

I go with silent disapproval with strangers too, but I'm never sure if they're smart enough to get it or take silence as assent

With people I know I tend to say their name in the sort of reproachful voice you'd use to a child.

quite often i find alot of people are not nessisarly rasist but have been brought up to use rasist language without thought ie "lets a have a chinkeys tonight" 20 years ago this would never have raised an eyebrow. i do challange and mainly get the responce of "here she goes again".

Troutsprout on your behalf.

It is a difficult one. I know what you mean Sally hollyberry, you do have to be careful for personal reasons sometimes. And I know what others mean by silent disapproval.

Nightynight - god yes! It's the insidious nature of racism that's so appalling