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Original poster

vasectomy - how do i persuade him to do it?

43 replies

mousie · 30/11/2005 20:04

Any ideas? I have two kids, horrible pregnancies, lousy babies, have had no sleep for five years. The thought of having another baby is just not something i can begin to contemplate. My mirena fell out during a smear recently (another story) and I am tired of being the one who has done the contraception for years. I would love dh to have a vasectomy - he is 37 and agrees with me that we have two kids and that is enough. However goes green at the mere mention of the word. Anyone any ideas of how to persuade him it's his turn and a good idea?!

OP posts:
Feistybird · 30/11/2005 20:07

hovver over the bed when he wakes one morning with a brick placed either side of his crown jewels.

I'm sure he'll agree that a medical procedure would be preferable.

Seriously, my DP had it done at the docs and walked home after - it was slightly uncomfortable - and remember that's a man speaking

theBomperandtheIvy · 30/11/2005 20:10

Refuse sex until he agrees to have it done!!!

nooka · 30/11/2005 20:22

mousie, I think that there have been some previous threads about this, and some of the guys on the site that had had it done said it was fine. I could have dreamed that of course, but if you showed him that sort of thing would it help? My dh had his done about a year ago now, and it was great (for me anyway!) he was a bit sore for a week or so. It has improved our sex life, as I was always worried about it, and now no more.

Original poster
mousie · 01/12/2005 10:59

so how did you actually persuade him to have it done? or was he on-side anyway and prepared to have a god. My dh is just so instinctively hostile - which i find so unfair since i have done the contraception for all the years previously. will search old threads in hope...

OP posts:
nooka · 01/12/2005 20:01

Mousie, we both decided it was the way to go when dd was born, but it took him five years to get around to it! His BIL had it done a while back, and gave him the details (although I think that put him off for a bit). Then I went in for a depo jab because I had given up on him ever getting around to it, and ended up with three months off followed by three periods in a row. I think that gave him the message! Also when I went in I picked up some leaflets etc, and we found out he could get it done in a couple of months - he thought the waiting list was a year, so why bother to get around to making an appointment. But he was always open to the idea. I think you need to find another guy who has had it done to reassure him. Some guy's think it will affect their sexual experiences, or just don't like the ideas of having anything done down there. As councelling is required prior to the procedure (to make sure you are really sure) if he is not keen there's not much point in pursuing it.

followthestarlover · 01/12/2005 20:03

sorry but i don't think you can persuade anyone to have a vasectomy if they don't want to!
how would you feel if he said he wanted you to be sterilised?

doormat · 01/12/2005 20:05

mousie I persuaded my dh to get the snip by saying this to him
I explained that for me to get neutered that it would mean me spending at least 3 days in hospital and not being able to do any lifting or housework for at least 6 weeks
or he could get the snip done at local clinic in 10 mins and have sore stonks for a few days

the thought of dh doing housework and looking after kids whilst I was in hospital made him cringe
so he gladly obliged

overdrafttopayforchristmas · 01/12/2005 20:06

my dh and a friends husband have both said that the climax after one is so mush more enjoyable and intense.Also my libdo improved 100% after he had it done.Surly the thought of more sex is enough to spur him on.

Plan b refuse sex then walk around in sexy undies

Glitterygook · 01/12/2005 20:34

Tell him he's a wimp! Dh had his done in July - he said it was a doddle and just had some discomfort for a couple of days.

He's just had a letter this morning to say he is officially sperm free! Hurrah! 3 small boys is quite enough for me to cope with thank you and at last, someone else has taken contraceptive responsibility!

nooka · 01/12/2005 20:43

It's great isn't it! That element of worry is just completely gone, and now sex is purely for fun!

doormat · 01/12/2005 20:43

agree nooka, sex is better without the worry

crystaltips · 01/12/2005 20:45

Haven't read any of the replies - sorry - but this is the way that I did it ...

"Darling I know that we have agreed that we should stop at 2 kids .... and I appreciate that you feel a bit nervous about having the snip .... So I went to the GP to discuss a sterilisation " ......

That immediately takes the pressure off him and makes him less defensive....

" The GP agreed that something should be done but he said that there are a few more risks if I have it done ... "

( That's pressure Jim - but not as we know it )

Anyway these are as follows :

His procedure is a daily "in and out job" under a local
Our procedure - though better than the olden days !! - would involve an overnight stay

Also there is a factor that the female would then have an increased risk of hysterectomy (sp?) in the future

And actually when I gave DH all the facts and figures, then without me having to nag ... he'd been backed into a hole.

a ) He didn't want to look a wimp when I said I was prepared to go through with it
b ) what right thinking DH would want to put his DW uner more risk ...

Worked for me ....

FrumpyGrumpy · 01/12/2005 20:49

(a) you had childbirth, its fair
(b) promise a lovely BJ when its mended
(c) promise no lovely BJs until its done
(d) smile

snowydelight · 01/12/2005 20:56

DH agreed to have the snip after our second son was born, but never quite got round to it. He practically ran to the clinic after DD came along! Find harassed, poor parents of three and introduce them to your DH. Make sure they spend lots of time telling him how hard it is. Finally, have all their children round to yours at teatime (the more obnoxious the better) to "give their parents a break"

Tortington · 01/12/2005 21:00

i told my dh i had had enough people stick their hands up my bits and fiddle about and i had enough. i told him to sort it out or i would get pregnant again and go back to work leaving him to sort it out, as the last pregnancy was twins he fairly ran to the doctors.

i was absolutley serious though - and he absolutley know it

crimbocrazydazy · 01/12/2005 21:07

Just told him I had done my bit bringing his two children into the world and it was his turn. He was quite worried it would be painful but said it was just uncomfortable for a few days!!!

Original poster
mousie · 02/12/2005 07:11

thank you all - I think refusing BJ's is the start of the campaign.. I am amazed at his reluctance considering the last few years and all the facts. Sterilisation enquiries a good idea too - if only to put the pressure on. I take it vasectomy's are available on the NHS??

OP posts:
edam · 02/12/2005 08:59

Think so. Getting pregnant again would probably do it... bit of a drastic response though.

Honestly, he's making a lot of fuss about nothing. Simple procedure that causes, at worst, a bit of soreness. Less hassle than having a tooth out...

Original poster
mousie · 02/12/2005 10:32

yes I am amazed at his fuss - and imo, selfishness. HOwever it seems to go quite deep. However I am determined to succeed if it is at all possible. I take it there are no male pills out there i could threaten him with instead?!

OP posts:
snowydelight · 02/12/2005 13:31

They are available on the NHS, but can take quite a while depending on where you live. In our area we were told it could be 12-18 months. Your DH would need to make an appointment with his GP who would then refer him as appropriate. DH went private as we wanted it done quickly and at a time to suit him work-wise. It cost around £300.

fennel · 02/12/2005 14:07

dp also used to go green at the idea. i regaled him with stories of the gory horrors of childbirth, which weakened his resistance somewhat. then i hinted at the far better sex life if there was no worry of pregnancy. and then i hinted that there might not be much sex at all without a vasectomy.

he had one 8 months ago. slight discomfort, no real problem. except that 8 months on it's still not taken effect. (My DP, super-stud ) he may have to go for another one.....

MarsyChristmas · 02/12/2005 14:08

quite simple really..... no vasectomy.... no sex!

Worked a treat... and gave me a lovely break!

Lasvegas · 02/12/2005 14:20

My poor DP had the snip a couple of months ago on the NHS. He ended up in awful pain and was rushed into private hospital a few weeks later as had been infected with the 'flesh eating bug'. He has made a good recovery but he has lost thousands of pounds in bonus as off work, missed out on playing with kids and generally in v severe pain for a couple of months. We really regret doing it.

redshoes · 02/12/2005 18:17

My dp was also in much more pain than we anticipated. We found this site (called something like 'if it aint broke') about vasectomies that have gone wrong, mostly where the guy is in constant pain for years. Luckily my dp seems ok now, but we don't know if it has worked yet! There is a 'no-scalpel' method now, offered in certain parts of the country; that is the way we would go if considering it now. Think you have to pay, but the place we looked at was really cheap, on principle. Do a bit of research. HTH.

redshoes · 02/12/2005 18:17

My dp was also in much more pain than we anticipated. We found this site (called something like 'if it aint broke') about vasectomies that have gone wrong, mostly where the guy is in constant pain for years. Luckily my dp seems ok now, but we don't know if it has worked yet! There is a 'no-scalpel' method now, offered in certain parts of the country; that is the way we would go if considering it now. Think you have to pay, but the place we looked at was really cheap, on principle. Do a bit of research. HTH.