Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Other subjects

DH addicted to computer games

38 replies

mug · 22/11/2005 17:19

Dh has always enjoyed computer games but over the last couple of years it has realy got out of hand. He plays most nights, sometimes until the early hours and at weekends he plays for hours on end. He does help put children to bed and willdo small jobs like empty and fill the dishwasher or make a cup of tea but this is largely it. I've told him repeatedly how it upsets me and how it makes me feel like a single parent and although he has made a bit of an effort he still played for 7hrs on Sunday (apparently in a mission he couldn't get out of) He plays online against others and talks about it like it is a job. He does have a high pressure job (in computers ronically) and i realise it is a means of escape for hims but his continual playing is really getting me down. It makes him tired and moody and I just don't know what to do about it. He used to go out cycling and climbing but he shows no interest in this now other than watching it on telvision. How can I make him realise that hs young children need his time aswell as me? Removing the games isn't an option he would just buy more. It has got serious I've threatened to leave but I don't want to I do love him but I don't love his love of computers. Please help. Is anyone else in a situation like this??

OP posts:
starlover · 22/11/2005 17:21

ooh he sounds like someone dp works with! i said last night i'd hate to be his wife! lol

anyway, that isn't much help is it? dp and i were also getting awful at being on the computer full stop ... so we have now limited it.
for example i'll come on here in the evening and he will set the cooker to time me 45 mins or something and then i have to come off...

flamesparrow · 22/11/2005 17:29

Reply from my DH (who is also playing online games a lot... many an arguement of "you love that computer more than me" and "sometimes real life is more important than f*ckin pixels")... "At least you know where he is!"

He's got a point... I have friends who's husbands are spending money in the pub each night, or out playing golf - at least with him at home we save money, and I can kick him off if I need to (often with a few nags, but we get there in the end). DD has worked out that the characters are fun, so she hassles him to play now

mug · 22/11/2005 17:44

I agree with the knowing where he is bit but my ds watches him and I don't think continual computer gaming sets a good example to him. Please excuse spelling errors etc, cooking dinner, playing duplo and doing daughters hair aswell as this!! Guess what he is doing??

OP posts:
flamesparrow · 22/11/2005 17:50

I do know what you mean - if I wasn't on here quite so much then I think I'd hold my ground better .

I am starting to consider time limits - no computer until DD is in bed etc... not entirely sure how that would work at the weekend, which is our main problem. I am exhausted by the weekend (6 months preg) and tend to collapse in a heap, and DD is content to amuse herself a lot of the time (for some reason not during the week though ). As a general rule though, my DH is a pushover - if I announce that I want to go feed the ducks etc, and tell him that he is coming too, then he does (there is muttering, but he does it). Its more often a case of I can't be bothered to organise it in the first place

What does your DH do if you specifically ask him to come off to play duplo/cook dinner etc?

mug · 22/11/2005 17:55

He would just reply "I can't I'm in the middle of something" He wouldn't come off in this situation if visitors came or his dinner was ready either. I've just had so many rows about it.

OP posts:
Whizzz · 22/11/2005 18:34

So does mine - in fact he is probably pitted against your DH as we speak !

In fact how many of our DH/DPs play these online games & what do they play ?

My DH plays Joint Operations & can happily shoot away for hours on end. But then again I can happily type on here for hours on end

mug · 22/11/2005 18:40

I think his obsession is world of warcraft.

OP posts:
flamesparrow · 22/11/2005 19:06

Oooh Mug - which server is he on? That is DH's game of choice too!!! I know that Frizbe's husband is on there too.

In fact (quick plug) - DH sculpts bookends of one of the characters on there... a lovely christmas gift for the obsessed man

You definately need a proper bust up over this I think - DH is bad, but he comes off for tea/visitors etc, and when I ask.

Kathlean · 22/11/2005 19:17

DP and I both play everquest 2.

flamesparrow · 22/11/2005 19:19

Our gaming started off when we used to play Ultima online together - but it was more of a roleplay thing that I could be involved in... WoW is just killing things really, and not the same to play together Everquest I could happily join in with I think...

Jasnem · 22/11/2005 19:28

DP doesn't play online games - I don't think he has discovered them and I'm certainly not going to tell him!
He has an Xbox and a playstation, which he can easily spend 8 hours playing on. To make matters worse they are in our bedroom, so I often go to sleep to the sound of various violent games.
This does cause arguments - the time he wastes, and the lack of consideration for me - but so far I have no solution.
I am 6 months pg and have told him they have to go when baby is in our room, but not sure what will happen then.

Blandmum · 22/11/2005 19:29

dh playes an online game 'Eve' which is a sci fi thing.

I can't complain since I have the MN habit

tegan · 22/11/2005 20:00

My dh is exactly the same. He comes in from work, checks Ebay and then goes on the PS2. I then have to call him down for tea. Any time he says he is going to the toilet I know that means he willnot be returning in the near future.

BlokeDH · 22/11/2005 22:05

ok, whooah there. Please allow me to retort.

First off, I am male. My "DW" is sat right next to me, and you may be amused to know that I have asked specific permission to post on here.

I am posting not to be argumentative or controversial, but merely to provide insight into the condition which has been described.

Please compare computers games to chocolate cake or shopping. Specifically, shopping for shoes. I do not intend to stereotype, merely to point out that I am not threatened or jealous by these things - I just know that I can never compete with them.

Vive la difference.

A computer game is a toy, and your husband is a big boy. DW sitting next to me says "they know that already".

Think Pokemon. Important yesterday, at the bottom of a cupboard today.

...

Don't anyone mention Yu-Gi-Oh, you'll spoil my point!

Jasnem · 22/11/2005 22:10

I only own one pair of shoes.

mug · 22/11/2005 22:14

Buying shoes doesn't affect the rest of the family!! I also have very few shoes and my dh is also the shopaholic in our relationship!!!

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 22/11/2005 22:19

Most of us don't go out buying shoes/eating chocolate cake for eight hours a day, every day. And most of us would stop eating chocolate cake if there were visitors or if our dh was struggling with the children and needed some help.

Whizzz · 22/11/2005 22:22

Yes and I can eat chocolate cake and have a conversation at the same time

WigWamBam · 22/11/2005 22:23

I don't think I've ever met a chocolate cake that has interfered with my relationship in any way, or one that's made my dh unhappy because I was spending so much time with it.

Whizzz · 22/11/2005 22:29

(I think he's run away now.....scared )

WigWamBam · 22/11/2005 22:30

Monstrous regiment of women, as my dh would say

ScummyMummy · 22/11/2005 22:37

There was a really good wifeswap episode where one of the man was a computer games addict. It included heart breaking footage from his little boy saying how it felt to always come second to the computer. Don't know if you could write to channel 4 and get a copy and make him watch it?

Does he eat meals with you? Go on outings with you? Can you go out for a nice pub Sunday lunch followed by a walk, for example? Getting out as a family (and away from the dreaded computer) sounds like a good plan. And having a few dates as well- are you ok for babysitters? I think the more you achieve "non-computer" activities together the more things will improve as he realises how much he is missing out on. I speak as someone with an ability to disappear into the computer myself and my partner is the same- we've found that setting up virtuous circles of family time works pretty well for us.

BlokeDH · 22/11/2005 23:45

I have not run away.

Q: What's the difference between World Of Warcraft and crack?

A: You can probably get off crack!

In all things, moderation.

pinotgrigio · 23/11/2005 00:03

Bloke (welcome by the way!) - I used to play all the time but when I had DD I stopped. That's the difference I think.

I miss them, I enjoyed them, but now I just can't justify it. If I have any spare time there's always something else to do.

He is just being selfish. I think he probably doesn't realise and is in denial because he wants to play so much. An online game is of course much more fun than playing duplo or making dinner.

He needs to face up to his responsibilities to his wife and children or one day he'll wake up alone in a bedsit and wonder where it all went wrong.

piffle · 23/11/2005 00:16

There was bit of a deabte about this on Jeremy Vine t'other week.
I have a DP who in his previous life as a bachelor played Final Fantasy type PS games and some other drab pc games with missions and mist and spooky music.
He no longer bothers now tbh, I think I would get arsey about several hours a night but not one or two, would not mind at weekend as long as I was not left with the kids while he played games.
I would presume at some pojnt he will grow out of it Mug...
I sm relieved mine has

Swipe left for the next trending thread