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DH addicted to computer games

38 replies

mug · 22/11/2005 17:19

Dh has always enjoyed computer games but over the last couple of years it has realy got out of hand. He plays most nights, sometimes until the early hours and at weekends he plays for hours on end. He does help put children to bed and willdo small jobs like empty and fill the dishwasher or make a cup of tea but this is largely it. I've told him repeatedly how it upsets me and how it makes me feel like a single parent and although he has made a bit of an effort he still played for 7hrs on Sunday (apparently in a mission he couldn't get out of) He plays online against others and talks about it like it is a job. He does have a high pressure job (in computers ronically) and i realise it is a means of escape for hims but his continual playing is really getting me down. It makes him tired and moody and I just don't know what to do about it. He used to go out cycling and climbing but he shows no interest in this now other than watching it on telvision. How can I make him realise that hs young children need his time aswell as me? Removing the games isn't an option he would just buy more. It has got serious I've threatened to leave but I don't want to I do love him but I don't love his love of computers. Please help. Is anyone else in a situation like this??

OP posts:
flamesparrow · 23/11/2005 09:03

Bloke - DH wants to know where you play and who your character is!

And I'm very with you... My nose now stings because of apple juice spurting out of it when I read the WoW/crack joke!

Jasnem · 23/11/2005 14:00

I will admit to a Final Fantasy addiction, but like most of the other women here, I gave it up when I had kids.

DP on the other hand, still sits for hours and plays as if he's 17 with nothing else to do. The kids are not allowed to watch the violent ones, but DD1 will play kids games against him for an hour or so. DD2 is not at all interested and so has very little time with her dad. This lack of interaction with his own child hasn't changed his behaviour, so I'm sure nothing I can say will.

All things in moderation, Bloke, but if it affects the rest of the family, it probably isn't in moderation.

Jasnem · 23/11/2005 14:00

I will admit to a Final Fantasy addiction, but like most of the other women here, I gave it up when I had kids.

DP on the other hand, still sits for hours and plays as if he's 17 with nothing else to do. The kids are not allowed to watch the violent ones, but DD1 will play kids games against him for an hour or so. DD2 is not at all interested and so has very little time with her dad. This lack of interaction with his own child hasn't changed his behaviour, so I'm sure nothing I can say will.

All things in moderation, Bloke, but if it affects the rest of the family, it probably isn't in moderation.

NotQuiteCockney · 23/11/2005 14:05

Eh, I like video games myself. I don't play when kids are awake and underfoot. I don't play late at night, my sleep is more important (that requires some self-control). DH likes them too, but also exercises self-control.

I do think the online games are more addictive, I went through a puzzle pirates phase which was great fun, but you don't want to feel you're letting down your "friends" when you're not playing! So no online games for me.

(Addictions: Morrowind, Dungeon Siege, etc etc)

flamesparrow · 23/11/2005 15:38

It is the online-ness that makes things worse... "But they need me for the quest" etc. And from experience of playing them, I know that one person can often be very important. BUT at the end of the day, the people he plays with KNOW he has a DD, and just have to accept that wee wee might mean them dying.

Going without sleep doesn't bother me - if he wants to stay up til all hour playing, then he can - its not gonna get him let off anything during the day if he is sleepy!!!

NotQuiteCockney · 23/11/2005 17:37

Yeah, I think the onlineness also makes it harder to quit, when it's time to go.

I don't like the all-night thing, as I don't like having to drag myself, or other people, out of bed in the morning.

We also have a ban on computers in the middle of the night - if you can't sleep, you don't go online or play games. You read a book.

BlokeDH · 23/11/2005 21:51

"if it affects the rest of the family, it probably isn't in moderation"

NotQuiteCockney · 24/11/2005 10:24

Huh, that one is my DH's current addiction.

From what (little) I know, it seems less "team" based ... I mean, you have a team for a mission, but you don't play with them day after day I think?

Enid · 24/11/2005 10:26

i have bought that for dh

can you play it single player or does it have to be online?

I used to play guild wars

Hausfrau · 24/11/2005 10:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotQuiteCockney · 24/11/2005 10:34

Yeah, you can play it single-player. But the online version is better, as you're playing against real people.

Jasnem · 24/11/2005 12:17

Bloke - yes, you are right, he does work and support us. I'd just like a bit more daddy duties before he starts playing.

Rose32 · 24/11/2005 13:46

Well, yes, last year I was in completely the same situation. My dh always played computer games, but when we got broadband, he started playing on-line, and it got to the stage where he would come home and want to put the pc on, and then play till four or five in the morning. Bearing in mind that we were both working, and I was getting up for dd in the night to find out that he was actually still awake and on the PC next door, this was not a tenable situation.

When I challenged him about it, he tried to cut down, but then I found out that he had someone else - he claims he met her through work, but I totally believe that he met her on line because she lives in the States. I am not for one minute suggesting that your dh is the same, but I do know that playing for hours on end makes someone tired, it doesn't make them a good father or husband, and it destroys your relationship.

There is a website called net addiction dot com, where you can do a quiz to see if you or your partner is addicted to being on-line. I have no idea how you resolve it (I did think about throwing the modem in the river, but in reality, he would have dived in after it).

I am now a single parent, and actually on some levels it is easier knowing that you are on your own, than having someone in the next room on a PC not being there to help you and support you (and your children) when you need it. I don't advocate it on an emotional level though.

I think if it is getting to the stage where your dh is on the pC on a Sunday instead of doing something with you and the children, you are right that you have a problem. If you can, I'd say that you need to keep talking to him and try to get to the bottom of why he is doing it, and what would make real life more attractive and the PC less attractive - when it came to the bit, I think my ex-dh's stress at work, the fact that he didn't want the responsiblity of children, and the fact that he felt he wasn't getting enough attention from me were all contributing factors. Again, I am not saying that this is the case with your dh, just that you need to find the strength to keep talking and to try and work out what is the root cause of this behaviour. Has he considered getting a less pressured job, for example, so he has more energy to do the things he loves? The PC is a means of escape, I think you are right, the key is working out (and changing) what he is escaping from.

I apologise for this long message, and I realise I may have written things you may not want to read. Do try and get him away from the PC in any way you can, days out, visiting friends and family, just try and get him back in touch with all the real life things other than work that he used to enjoy, and keep talking to him, that is all I can suggest.

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