Was your Mum a SAHM or WOHM ? Did either affect you ?

[smallvoice]

Interested to hear about other peoples experiences of actually being a child with a SAHM or WOHM. My Mum was always home, always there for us etc and I remember feeling very suffocated by this and desperately wishing I had the 'independence' that some of my friends had and I'm sure this has influenced me in that I grew up assuming I would be a working mum. BUT obviously I'm now alot more mature (hmmmm!) and can see that I grew up to be confident and happy and have a sneaking suspicion that my ever present mother probably had alot more to do with this than I've given her credit for.

As it happens for financial reasons I have to return to work full time but just found out that I may have the freedom to choose in the next couple of years which will force me to actually think about this. We read so many studies telling us what our children will think and feel but I'm interested to know what mumsnetters actually felt about their mum who worked or stayed home and how they benefitted from either situation ?

Sorry long post...and hopefully non controversial

I loved having my mum at home. I used to walk in from school, she would be standing in the kitchen smoking fags and cooking a proper dinner. I hated being left with my dad for any reason, he was incompetant and his method of dealing with the younger kids was to scream at me until I did it.

Kids are selfish. I didn't care whether or not she felt stifled by being at home all the time, I just wanted her to look after me

she was a SAHM

she was totally miserable with no friends and so little life she became fixated on the neighbours over the road

she moaned about everything, including looking after us.

but she was mad.

still it probably put me off being a full time SAHM

Well, my mum was home until I was at Senior school and then she had a part time job only. She then went back to college to study an early years course. She did so well but felt too old to go onto teacher training. She works in early years education now, in a support role and loves her job.

I loved having her at home when I was younger but now, with adult hindsight, wish she'd had the chance to go back into study sooner and become a teacher. I was such a clingy child, I also wonder if I'd have benefitted from spending time with someone other than my mum - particularly in the pre-school years, aged 3-5 or would I have felt more insecure and been worse? Who knows.

I am currently a SAHM, I should add.

I loved having a working mum - she told us about her work and we even got to go with her sometimes, which meant cool stuff like hanging around TV studios. The independence was fab too - having some time to ourselves. The only thing I missed was being able to leave early on Sports Day. Everyone whose parents came was allowed off as soon as it finished. We had to hang around until the school day ended. But apart from that I had a ball.

A SAHM and I loved having her at home. However if she had been a WOHM and that was all I had known and grown up with, I doubt I would have minded if that makes sense

My mother didn't work until I was about 4 and sister 3, then she worked locally V part time. We were looked after by my grandma (who lived walking distance. When we went to school she worked part time but more hours but was able to drop/collect us from school. When I was about 14 she could have worked full time but she never did. I was envious of my friends who went home to an empty house. She was over qualified for the part time jobs she did she told me she gave up her career to be there for her kids. Don't think it made a massive difference as my sister at age 35 cannot hold down a job, boyfriend, drinks too much etc.

My mum was very sociable when she was a SAHM. She took me to playgroup and when I was at school she helped out at the school and attended evening classes. I think she enjoyed being a SAHM and if she was a young mother now, she'd most likely make the same choice .... except she'd have had the chance to finish school and become a teacher first.

I was in full time Nursery from 18 mths until I was in school, I don't really remember much of nursery tbh! When I was 4.5 my mum had my DSis and gave up work. I loved my Mum being at home with us. She eventually got a job at my primary school and had the best of both worlds. I aim on finding a term time only job too when DD starts reception! I'm determined to be there for them, plus I'm very lazy and like being at home

I have to say that I didn't feel constrained as a teenager, with my mum being around. It was nice (and felt safe) to have a base to return to that was always 'manned' iyswim If I wanted to do anything I couldn't do at home I'd go to my BF's house as her mum worked.........

My Mum always went out to work. My first memory is of being about 18 months old at her place of work and having a lovely time Whilst we were little she worked part time (which gave us the best of both worlds) and later she worked full time. Either way I always felt like she was there for us. Mum gave up doing what she wanted to do to fit around us and later she was the main breadwinner in a professional job she hated. She gave up a lot for us She has told me she didn't liek being home all the time and enjoyed goign out to work (which is just like me). I work part time and loathed the first 18 months of ds s life whilst I was a sahm. Whilst dd was growing up I worked part time and studied and later worked full time. Now second time around I am heading towards full time again and I do not think my children miss out it is simply, because of childcare issues, strategically difficult sometimes.

My mother was a SAHM, in a time when most women of her class (who could afford it) were. She had lots of help around the house - a cleaner came in every day and also watched us. Our maternal grandfather, who was a fit man in his early 60s, lived with us and also looked after us.

We had a very very unhappy childhood. Our mother had very little to do with us and when she did we hated it as she screamed at us. Most of the time we had no idea why. Our father made us breakfast in the morning while she slept. We went ourselves to and from school. When we came in we stayed out her way until our evening meal when our father came home at 6pm. We had to stay in our roosm after that. Our mother was just someone we were scared of.

I think now she was very caught up with the idea of having perfect children and we didnt match up to her image and she felt very dispapointed and betrayed. I can only assume that she hated being a SAHM and woudl have been much happier with a career. She certainly hated being a "mother". I wonder if she had been born in a different time , if she would have chosen to have children at all. I think when she got married it was more of less compulsory IYSWIM!!!

Mine was a SAHM.

She was relaxed, easy going, confident and sociable, just as she is now. She's always had a wide circle of friends and enjoys entertaining, hobbies and travel.

Now issues regarding finances - she wore the trousers in the house and ran things.

my mother started off as a SAHM, and got quite bored. She went to work full time from when I was about 8. retrained from teaching to social work, got a masters degree, and worked full time througout our childhoods. Once we'd got used to it (for a few weeks it seemed a bit empty without her in the house all the time) we liked it. i was quite proud of her, and also it felt freeing to not always have an adult hovering around focusing on what you were doing.

I really don't feel i missed out on anything very much at all.

My mum wasn't sociable but she took being a parent VERY seriously. She was always helping with reading at school, always making things for school fetes, always ferrying me to a hundred different activities, picking up on any small problem in my education..I used to think that if only she had a job to worry about!! What a horrible child I was..

My mum was both at different times. She was at home until we all started school (my db started school at 3 and a half and was the school baby for the first couple of years) and she became a dinner lady at our school.

Then she was made redundant and stayed at home for a bit, then was a waitress for along time. Flexible hours, she'd go to work when my father got home and as we got older, earlier and we were left in the charge of my older sister. As I got older (13+), I had to look after my younger brother. It wasn't much fun, but we obviously needed the money. Nowadays I suppose it would be called neglect, but I think the alternative was repossession.

My Mum was a SAHM until I was 2. She then went back to work full time. I had a wonderful childminder and I don't feel that I was in anyway 'damaged' by having a WOHM.

My DD is 3y3m and I'm a SAHM, hoping to return to college when she goes to school next Sept/Jan

Mine was mostly although she had a part time job which meant working 3 hours a day Monday to Thursday but my Dad was a baker so he'd always finished his shift to look after me. If he hadn't she just took me into her office with her (walking distance) and let me play with the typewriter until my Dad came to collect me. I loved having her around and I was always allowed lots of freedom. We used to go to the caravan every weekend where I was allowed to roam. Now that I am a mother myself I don't know that I could allow the same without worrying myself sick so a big thumbs up to them for that. By the time I was 15 I was allowed to stay at home when 'caravans became dull and boring' so even more freedom.

The only down side I can think of was that I never really mixed with kids until I was at school so was always a bit shy but I think that is just the way I am rather than the way I've been brought up.

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my own SAHM was depressed and resentful and I remember hiding from her under the bed and behind the sofa and keeping very quiet most of the time, how I wish she'd got some help for her depression, I choose to work full time and am grateful not to suffer from depression

My Mum didn't want to go to work but couldn't afford not to, she worked evenings so Dad was there to look after us (6 kids, all under 10 when I was born!) There was no way anyone would have babysat for all us lot

This of course meant she was only there to put us to bed at weekends but TBH I don't feel I suffered as a result - the house (average sized 3 bed semi) was like flippin' bedlam anyway so we hardly noticed she was missing! Think I've been closer to my sister and brothers as a result of them helping to bring me up

Oooh, I think I had the best of both worlds - SAHM until I was at school, and then she started working school hours... my dad left when I was 11, and she took a second job, so I had the time between 3.30 and 5ish without her there.

Mine was a SAHM, but as I always said she was the busiest SAHM I ever knew. She didn't HAVE to work, moneywise, so she chose to do charity work. She worked for the CAB, she did book keeping courses and then she did the books for a charity. I was never suffocated by it and I remember growing up wanting to marry a rich man so I wouldn't ever HAVE to work. Most of my friends mums didn't work - certainly when I was at primary school. We lived on a new estate full of families of a certian 'type' It was the norm for all of us. I can't even think of anyone who's mum worked

My Mum was always at home and I loved it, it made me feel secure that she was always there for me. Obviously when I was a teenager I would have rather she was out of the house a bit when I wanted friends over or to pinch ciggies from my Nans supply (my Mum used to do her shopping), but ultimately I was very lucky. I am a SAHM and have been for 5 years. I like it, its not for everybody and of course many of us dont have the choice. I do and this is what I chose.

My Mum has always been a SAHM even now lol! She's never worked although I think this is more to do with her being v lazy than wanting to be at home with her kids. From an early age I got myself up and ready for school (Mum never surfaced until 11 most days).

As I got older I did resent the fact she was a SAHM because it meant we were really poor (my Dad worked but thats a different story they were crap with money debt collectors etc always at the door).

I'm a SAHM right now but will be going back to work with babies are old enough to go to nursery or school.

Mum worked full time until I was five. This was ok, I went to childminders, most of whom were lovely, except one who was evil but thankfully Mum found out. When my brother was born she became a sahm and then also had my sister. She worked part time at different times when there were the 3 of us. dad worked 7 days a week so it was quite tough going on her sometimes.

Spooky - DH and I were taking about this just the other night.

Mine was a SAHM until I was about 6 then she went on to be a nurse, then becoming a sister, getting a degree, followed by a masters and has now always worked full time. I have always been really proud of her.

Secretly however, I hated being passed about by childminders and relatives, coming home to an empty house, having to make dinner for my brother, feeling like a burden during school holidays and when I was ill.

But never ever told anyone.