Was your Mum a SAHM or WOHM ? Did either affect you ?

[smallvoice]

Interested to hear about other peoples experiences of actually being a child with a SAHM or WOHM. My Mum was always home, always there for us etc and I remember feeling very suffocated by this and desperately wishing I had the 'independence' that some of my friends had and I'm sure this has influenced me in that I grew up assuming I would be a working mum. BUT obviously I'm now alot more mature (hmmmm!) and can see that I grew up to be confident and happy and have a sneaking suspicion that my ever present mother probably had alot more to do with this than I've given her credit for.

As it happens for financial reasons I have to return to work full time but just found out that I may have the freedom to choose in the next couple of years which will force me to actually think about this. We read so many studies telling us what our children will think and feel but I'm interested to know what mumsnetters actually felt about their mum who worked or stayed home and how they benefitted from either situation ?

Sorry long post...and hopefully non controversial

My mum was a SAHM, I was the youngest of 3. By the time I was 9 she was bedridden with a slipped disk, brother and sister had moved out. So I was carer to her for a while. She had an operation that was 50/50 either wheelchair or walk and it went the right way.
Took this as normal but looking back it terrifys me.
The house felt empty when she wasnt there but she didnt help with homework or anything. She was just there.

My Mum was a SAHM (still is - she has never worked) and it was great when I was little (only child) she was there for everything, every school play, concert and I always had loads of playdates at my house. However, as a teenager it was a bit more tricky. As she wasn't too busy outside the home (not a big social life) she totally concentrated on me and would prefer us to have a night in than me to go out with mates. Love her as a Mum, would perhaps admire her more if she had something else other than motherhood. IYSWIM.

Mine was a SAHM until my sister and I were much older.
I can't remember being pleased she was there when i got in, but I do remember feeling happy and more relaxed when she started work.

My Mum was a SAHM but worked like a trooper on our farm. Probably saw less of her than those children whose Mums worked outside the home.

She never had her own money and money always caused a row. This is one of the reasons why I will always work although hopefully P/T (currently on Mat Leave). My Dad would on occassion withold money when the rows got really bad. Her powerlessness was horrible.

Really interesting post Issymum. I have been on Mat Leave for 10 mths and am worried that already I am boring DP. I bore myself.

my mum went back to work when I was 3, so I can't actually remember her as a SAHM. She was a teacher, so always their during school holidays and often around when we got back from nursery and then school, because she worked part-time. We had some lovely childminders (one of whom we're still in touch with).

I do (and did) admire the work she was doing. Teaching left her pretty stressed, but tbh she would prob have been just as stressed (with less of an outlet) if she'd been a SAHM - she is just like that.

I can't really imagine SAHMing with all kids at school, but that's what DP's mum did. Would drive me bananas.

My mum was a SAHM, but fostered children longterm - usually there were 5 children at home (including me and db) one of whom had severe special needs - non-verbal and non-mobile. So I guess she earned her right to "just stay home".

I must say I loved having her always there, but at the time I didn't appreciate it, as it was very much the norm. I can only think of 3 people in my junior class (of 30+) whose mothers were not SAHMs. And I remember feeling really sorry for them! That was in the 70s in a suburban village btw.

My mum always worked. I was so proud of that. I remember getting EXTREMELY cross with her when I did an interview with her for a school assignment and she answered my "What is your greatest achievement?" question with "My children." I argued with her for ages that in the cause of feminism she should think it was her work!

My mum also worked all my life. I loved nursery and I would play with friends and siblings after school. We'd all sit down for dinner together at 5, so it wasn't like I never saw her. I was also proud of my mum. I thought she looked very glam in her work outfits and I remember her taking me to work to show me were she spent her days sometimes and I loved it. Once I got older I felt happy that my mum had other interests than me. She had her job and colleagues every day and not stuck in an empty house once her children left. I think that is what would scare me most if I was a SAHM. I know it doesn't have to be like that, but I see so many of my friends mums who have sort of just become part of the house after their children left

My mum was a SAHM. She loved it, we loved it. She worked in Fleet St for a Sunday paper in a senior secretarial position but gave up when she had my brother.

I'm glad she was at home. The house was always warm and welcoming, in fact also full of the kids in our road whose mum's were at work and didn't want to go home to a dark, cold, empty house. There was always a home cooked meal on the go.

She was always there to collect me from after school clubs, take me to brownies etc.

I would love to be at home too, I work P/t but I'm a happier mummy when I'm off.

Issymum, how .

I think that is partly what happened to my DP's parents (same deal, except the other woman wasn't younger).

My mother was a working mum but as she was s ingle parent ( my dad left when I was 4) she had a mortgage etc to pay so felt she had no choice. THere were times I was disappointed she was unable to come to school things although she would make the effort to get to what she could. However she worked 9 - 2 so she could drop me off and pick me up from school.... that only changed when I finished high school and went away to uni.

I have worked for 9months or so of dd1's life and not for dd2's. THink they benefit whatever way and you gotta do what works for you.....