Would you tell????

[bonkerz]

OK was going to change my name but whats the point!

Am in a dilemma. I have had a best friend for over 10 years. Recently we went on holiday together, her, her Dh and 2 kids and me and my DH and 2 kids.
Things were fine for 5 days but on the 5th day to cut a long story short, her and my DH went to watch the football. Me and her Dh had kids! That was fine but they didnt leave pub when they said they would and she got very drunk. Me and her Dh went back to our caravans and i went to bed. I was angry with my Dh for being so irresponsible as he had been drinking without taking his insulin or eating and he is a diabetic!
My Dh came back at gone 11pm and came into bedroom where i told him to sleep in lounge and to take his sugar levels, wasnt a big argument just an issue we would deal with in morning when he had sobered up. At this point my so called best friend came in to my bedroom and grabbed me, she proceeded to pinch, bite and hit me in my arms and head. I was screaming really loud and Dh managed to drag her off me. I must add at the time i was 30 weeks pregnant!
Utter disbelief took hold and luckily her DH heard me screaming came and got her and took her back to her caravan. I went with her Dh to local hospital to be checked out.
Baby was fine and i was very bruised and all scratched up with a black eye. Anyway they left the site that night.
Unfortunately my mum died 3 days later and i text BF to tell her as she was close to my mum. She did say she would come to funeral but never did. I decided then i wouldnt contact her again.

Ok sorry about life story!
Ok well i have just had a text from her Dh who tells me he has split with her. He asked me if i knew what she had been doing! I was very coy about my reply as i know she has been having an affair for over 6 months but assumed it had finished. He does seem to know all about it and wants me to confirm things but , And silly as it sounds, If i do that i feel i will be betraying the firendship to BF even after what she did to me!
I never condoned her affair and really did try hard to make her see what she had to lose etc and maybe thats why she told me she had ended it!

What would you do? Tell her Dh the Truth or remain loyal to a best friend who beat me up when i was 30 weeks pregnant!?

i wouldnt have a problem being disloyal to her, but would consider if he is likely to take it out on you for knowing and not telling him. suppose it depends if you have anything to lose with him.

wouldn't tell. would be him getting hurt more, not her, so seems unfair. why did she attack you?! be a better person, unless of course you think it would help her dh somehow in dealing with things...

He is a lovely bloke and i feel really bad about keeping this from him but she was my best friend.
I have asked him if he hates me for not telling him and he says he hates himself more for being so blind. He definately knows she is seeing someone else and has just text to say that if i know who it is i should say because he has an idea but doesnt know what to do! Apparently she is being really nasty and turning it all round on him

wouldn't tell because you don't know what he knows and if you tell it could come back to haunt you.

if he already knows you know i would tell all.

have just text him to ask if what i have to say will make any difference to the outcome of this mess. Am waiting for an answer

i would tell now...but i am weak! it's obviously torturing for him to only know half the facts and be creating the rest in his head no doubt...unless he's bluffing and knows nothing but wants to get it out of you!

...now he knows you know something!

...does he know the other man?

jb has a good point. if he is going to get himself arrested i wouldnt

WTF did she attack you?? if you would like tyou and your dh to continue your friendship with him I would tell him. However she sounds vicious so be prepared for consequences if you get involved!

this is the hardest thing because he does know the other man, Infact he has known all the men she has been sleeping with. He isnt the sort of man to start beating people up he would rather beat himself up. I dont think he would harm himself tho because he loves his kids. He has text to say its over between them but he needs to be sure whats gone on for the kids sake and to know if he did anything wrong.

I would tell. he must know you know something now. poor man.

doesn't need to know who it was to analyse what went wrong, its natural human nature to want to know though. dangerous ground, you have no plausable denyability now as he knows you know something! so the question is do you want to have a continued friendship with him that this secret might damage? if you don't then just walk away tell him you're so sorry but you don't want to be involved in the ins and outs

I'd really think of yourself. If she founds out you told him what will she do to you? We are talking about a woman who beat you up whilst you were 30 weeks pregenant?!!?!!

this is the one thing im worried about. Luckily there is a 140 mile distance between us and i ahve asked her DH not to say anything about texting me and hes doesnt want her to know hes text me either. I know im not the only friend she told about her affairs!

tell then. I think a bit of honesty might help him a tiny bit

I think he deserves to know the truth, as long as you think he won't shoot the messenger and as long as it's not going to come back at you in any way. It sounds to me as if he already knows what's been going on - maybe he's heard it from her and she has blamed him, and he needs to hear from someone else that it wasn't his fault.

Given her behaviour to you, in my opinion you don't owe her anything, but I do think that you need to think about yourself first - if this is likely to come back and bite you on the bum then don't say anything.

thank you all so much.

WWB: sorry about today, hope you got email but cant even walk today so was best to cancel!!

Still not decided, I will talk to Dh tonight beofre i ring him. I know DH will say i need to tell him everything because he would expect that himself! I hate this cos her Dh is a really good bloke, his only crime is thinking she would change if they got married! I really feel bad for the kids and would want to remain friends with her DH for the sake of the kids and also because he has been great support to me, and often i spoke to him more cos BF was always out!

Got the email and replied - did you not get it? Can't get on MSN at the moment, it's playing up, but I'll try and catch you later if you're around and it's working!

I do think that in this man's situation, most people would want to know the truth. It just depends on whether you feel strong enough to give him the truth, and if you feel that you can cope with any fall-out from it. You've got enough going on without being worried about this chap as well.

if you tell him please really stress your concerns over your BF's possible anger at you. in my experience people always blab on who told them, even i am guilty of this!

I'd tell.

And if necessary, I'd get an injunction on the mad bitch.

Any particular reason she beat you up? Is it just a hobby of hers or something?

Haven't read all the replies but imo you should keep out of it. 'Shoot the messenger' is the phrase which springs to mind. You've been assaulted by her already and he is an unknown quantity. I would politely tell him that it is up to the two of them to thrash this one out and that you really don't want to get involved. It isn't about loyalty, it's about self-preservation. What could you gain by telling him what you know?

...hmm not all about what can be personally gained though, i'd like to feel that out of concern people would tell me things that i don't know and would be of great concern to me, like if they saw future ds behaving badly or dp with another woman, just out of human compassion