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Original poster

Posting for help/advice & not acknowledging

96 replies

Melly · 25/09/2003 14:02

Just something that irritates me a bit about some who post here on mumsnet. They start a thread asking for help with a problem, a few or lots of people post with help/suggestions/advice but there is no feedback from them. I know this is a bit petty but when people take the trouble to share their thoughts etc it seems only courteous to acknowledge it in some way....even if it is only to say "I think your advice is pants, but thanks anyway".
I've always been really grateful and amazed by the wealth of help and support by people here on Mumsnet.
Anyway, that's got that off my chest

OP posts:
mears · 25/09/2003 23:16

Amen

Batters · 26/09/2003 09:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FairyMum · 26/09/2003 10:34

I also find it really irritating when people post on certain discussions saying "oh we have discussed this before" and "I have said my opinion on this subject before". Why post at all then ?????? Surely new mumsnetters come on all the time and should be allowed to discuss whatever they feel like ?

doormat · 26/09/2003 10:43

Fairymum, yes you are right in what you are saying that new mums come on all the time and have a right to express their views and opinions with threads that have been done again but older posters who have discussed this before are entitled to have a look at these views.

Some people have differing opinions and it is good to read them, even if you disagree with them.

Also the fact that the poster who started the thread may feel IGNORED because you have not responded to her comments. What is the harm of saying a polite post that you have discussed this before and do not want to get into it again.

prufrock · 26/09/2003 10:43

But shouldn't "old" Mumsnetters be allowed to contribute as they wish too as well - even if that is to say "I've had my say already" If people start discussions or ask questions which I remember from before I would always tell them to refer back to old threads on the same subject, because useful advice has been given and often people (me included) can't be bothered to repeat themselves.

Jimjams · 26/09/2003 10:50

FairyMum I suspect you are referring to the MMR and SS threads. The thing with those sorts of threads is that in the past they have descended into a huge mudslinging match where people get hurt and offended. So the old timers think oh god not this again no I really can't post. If you see that phrase its usually a warning that you've strayed into something controversial. There are plenty of topics that come up again and again but if it isn;t controversial people just tend to answer again.

FairyMum · 26/09/2003 10:51

I think it's great if you link back to an old thread with lots of useful information
I am thinking more of the "oh - this again..." -comments. I don't see the point in them. There are always plenty of people who will comment, what's the point in posting to say you won't comment?

bossykate · 26/09/2003 10:53

freedom of speech?

doormat · 26/09/2003 10:56

And not being IGNORANT

bobsmum · 26/09/2003 11:00

I'm always scared to say thank you to a specific question I've posted in case it puts anyone else off from offering advice. I know that if I see the original poster writing "thanks for all those suggestions I'll let you know" then I assume they've heard all they want to and there's no need for me to add my pearl of wisdom. I'd hate to think the solution to whatever problem I had was at the tip of someone's fingers, but they felt discouraged by the apparent resolution and "closure" to the topic given by a "thanks". But then I'm a sensitive type....

FairyMum · 26/09/2003 11:00

Jimjams, the reason I posted my comments about this was that I see this a lot. If it had only been on MMR and SS - thread I wouldn't have thought that much of it. I personally don't need a warning that I am entering into controversial territory. Of course I know that the MMR is controversial. Personally I tend not to discuss the MMR or other child-rearing issues with my friends as I think it is such a sensitive and personal thing. I do it on Mumsnet instead and I like having a bit of a controversial debate now and again. Of course we should do it in a polite way, but this is internet and I think it's good fun to be a bit controversial

I am quite happy to ignore those posts who say they have discussed this before. I just thought I'd mention it, but it's not something I stu over for days Would be nice with links though. I was searching for the MMR -debate and couldn't find a good link????

WideWebWitch · 26/09/2003 11:03

Fairymum, I assume you're referring to my comment (although I wasn't the only one who said Here We Go Again) on the MMR thread. You said what you thought on that thread and I responded -but I'll do so again here: I will continue to say "here we go again" or whatever I feel like saying on that or any other thread thank you and so should others if they want to. Please stop telling me and others what you think we should and shouldn't post. Most of the time I do put in a link to other threads if I think it will help someone since, as Prufrock says, I can't always be bothered to repeat myself and I know others won't either. I completely reserve my right to say 'we've discussed this and I've said my piece'. What's it to you anyway - it only takes a second to read and does warn people that the subject could be controversial.

Jimjams · 26/09/2003 11:11

aha well as someone who loves a good vaccination debate (hee hee) I was happy to jump straight in there. However in th past people have got very upset over certain threads and I think people do get a sinking feeling of "oh god...."

FWIW I've always been happy to jump into controversial threads. And I do know what you mean about saying things on here that you wouldn't discuss in "real" life- that's why threads can get a bit close to the bone sometime. In all the time I've been posting on here though I've only had one post (which wasn't aimed at me specifically although I was included in the group it was aimed at) which I thought was offensive and unnecessary. It quite upset me actually, and whenever I touch on that topic again I tend to precede it with a warning of not really wanting to discuss it.

Some threads do become personal for some people. I'm happy to debate about vaccinations as I don't really take any of the comments personally. At the end of the day I don't really care whether someone agrees with me on that issue or not (and most don't) - people can make up their own mind, but I'm happy to discuss the issues. I can see why something like SS would be taken personally by some people though, and why some opinions could be seen as a personal attack. It is just cyberspace but people do get hurt by what is written on here. For example I'm sure no-one in their right mind would want to discuss "circumcision-yes or no" again! Too many people got upset.

FairyMum · 26/09/2003 11:16

Oh dear me, had to go back to my original post as I was quite suprised how strong some of your reactions to my comment was. Perhaps I looked more irritated than I actually am? I said in previous thread I will happily ignore comments and of course people can write whatever they like. My personal feeling is that it looks a little bit bossy to new members (being a new member). Especially if you get many "oh -here we go agains"......Maybe in a few months I will post "here we go agains" too

WWW, you are right that I can just ignore your comments, so pls feel free to ignore mine

FairyMum · 26/09/2003 11:18

Jimjams, won't rush to start a circumcision debate

WideWebWitch · 26/09/2003 11:19

OK, Fairymum, shall we agree to just ignore each other then (smiley to show I don't really want a row with anyone, can't be arsed...)

FairyMum · 26/09/2003 11:25

I will ignore your "here we go" comments, but not your other postings as that would mean missing many very good postings

Northerner · 26/09/2003 11:34

Have to jump in to defend Fairy Mum. As an also newish member, I have been 'put off' by the here we go again comments. It does make you feel like a bit of an outsider who should check all previous posts before posting a new conversation, just to avoid duplicating.

IMO it's rude for people to groan, and chorus' Oh god, here we go again'

I wouldn't do it in a real live conversation and I wouldn't do it here.

Not causing a row. it's not a major issue, but just having my say.

beetroot · 26/09/2003 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Northerner · 26/09/2003 11:41

When does an new mumsnetter become an 'old' one?

Jimjams · 26/09/2003 11:45

well the last time we had an old vs new mumsnetter spat was several months ago. i think those new mumsnetters then are now old mumsnetters.

beetroot · 26/09/2003 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

fio2 · 26/09/2003 12:25

Am I new or old? I reckon I am new, Northerner you are as new as me I think I post far too much though

Northerner · 26/09/2003 12:37

Fio2 I had you down as an old timer. Don't know why I thought that.

SoupDragon · 26/09/2003 12:38

I'm going to reinvent myself so I can be a "new" mumsnetter.

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